NRR: Relationship advice

How old are you?

Chose the lady you love.

If you don't love either of them (which I suspect from your post), don't go into a serious relationship.

Thats a tough one. What if the actress says she would find a steady job to be with you?

Thread Killer wrote:

Thats a tough one. What if the actress says she would find a steady job to be with you?

I don't think I would want her to do that. Acting is her life...it would almost be like me quitting running. Would she even be the same person if she didn't do what she loved?

Also, I am 27, they are both 25.

actress - she's 25, right? i assume she (and you) do not have children?

who cares if she's stable. jeez, settle down.

stable? wrote:

actress - she's 25, right? i assume she (and you) do not have children?

who cares if she's stable. jeez, settle down.

I care if she's stable. Stability is important to me.

Two months?

You can't make a decision based on two months. And NO, you don't have to decide anything. if you are with two women there is a reason. You may nit be ready to settle down.

Still, if you have to choose one of them pick the one you enjoy being with the most. The one you have most things in common with.

But two months.

I would continue to play the field.

Deep center field.

Pictures??

HAHA just kidding. That is a pretty difficult situation to be in (although I'd love to have to choose between two great girls). I've been in a relationship for 2 years now and through that I've found many things I don't like about my girlfriend.

Have you met their families? for me this was something I never really thought about but once I did meet hers I realized that they're sooo different from myself and when it comes down to it, my girlfriend is going to want to live like them.

I'd go with whichever girl you feel most comfortable with and with the one you have most in common with. There have got to be a number of things you've picked out.

If you enjoy a little surprise here and there go with the actress. At least you know each day/week/month will be different.

Best of luck

2:28 wrote:

Two months?

You can't make a decision based on two months. And NO, you don't have to decide anything. if you are with two women there is a reason. You may nit be ready to settle down.

Still, if you have to choose one of them pick the one you enjoy being with the most. The one you have most things in common with.

But two months.

I would continue to play the field.

Deep center field.

I totally hear what you are saying. However, I don't want to lose both of them because of indecisiveness on my part. I've been on A LOT of dates in the past year and a half, and as I said earlier, these are the first two women I've met that I've even thought about dating exclusively. They are both amazing women. It just stinks that they had to enter my life at the same time.

Not to be critical, but it seems like you're thinking about these women in the wrong way. Logistics certainly matter a great deal in relationships, but you can be as compatible as any couple ever and it won't do you a bit of good if you don't love each other. Logistically, I'd suggest that you go with the stable one. But think about both of them first, and figure out which one you feel a stronger emotional connection with. To be honest, the fact that you didn't mention emotions or love at all in your post suggests to me that you don't have particularly strong feelings for either woman. You might WANT to have feelings for one or both, but wanting to be in love is very different from being in love... trust me on that. And if the emotions aren't there, it's not going to work. Even if you want a serious relationship, you need to be ready for it. Figure out which girl, if either girl, you care more about, and then go with her.

You make a really good point about family. I have not met the actress' family, but I have met the other woman's. I do know that the actress comes from a very educated white collar family (her mother is a professor). The other woman's family and upbringing is very similar to mine: both grew up in rural, blue collar towns with under 9,000 people. Her parents are small business owners, and very nice, down-to-earth people.

phillie,

I most definitely have strong feelings for both. The reason I did not bring emotions up is because it is a dead heat. That is why logistics is even in play. Most situations like this are easy to deal with: choose the person you feel stronger about or enjoy spending more time with. But again, it is a COMPLETE tie on that end. I am very afraid of hurting either of them, and I feel that a decision sooner than later would save a lot of pain.

Michael R. wrote:

phillie,

I most definitely have strong feelings for both. The reason I did not bring emotions up is because it is a dead heat. That is why logistics is even in play. Most situations like this are easy to deal with: choose the person you feel stronger about or enjoy spending more time with. But again, it is a COMPLETE tie on that end. I am very afraid of hurting either of them, and I feel that a decision sooner than later would save a lot of pain.

What's the old saying in hockey? A team with 2 starting goalies has no goalie?

Similar situation here...If it's not clear which one you truly prefer to be with, you probably won't be happy with either.

But then again, it's been 2 freakin months??!! Just enjoy yourself. Much too early to be freaking out. Plenty of time for that later on.

Do both girls a favor and break up with both of them. You don't deserve either one.

All thing being equal I'd go for the $$$ and stability. Relationships are hard enough. Why throw in unecessary stress into the relationship?

Two months is too soon to make a decision. If one or both pressure you to make a decision or they both leave then they are the wrong people for you.

I saw a minimum is six months of dating to decide if you want to get exclusive.

Also, at 27 you should just continue to date and not got locked into something with any one person.

Read the post nuptial shut off thread and many others on the misery of marriage. If you find the right person to become exclusive with you would know it. and certainly not have to post this question on a website.

1. continue doing them both

2. roll a dice

3. join a polyg cult

4. dump them both

0. put the numbers 1 to 4 in a hat and draw

#1 is the best option in my view

This is coming from a cereal monogamist of the same age as the OP.

I would have this same conversation with both of the ladies:

Do you want to have kids?

If my job required me to move out of state would you consider moving?

Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend?

What are your goals in life?

How do you feel about me being (insert negative characteristic about yourself here, i.e. a drinker, ultra-religious, a huge liar)?

I’m sure if you ask the right questions you could break this perceived tie.

Westcoast

Actress. She is often gone for a month at a time, giving you regular access to the field. No brainer.

Westcoast wrote:

This is coming from a cereal monogamist of the same age as the OP.

Cereal monogamist? Do you only eat Frosted Flakes or something?