Have any of you cheated on your long term partner/significant other

No. Married 26 years with 6 years of courtship before that.

The good lord has been good to both of us I guess.

I approached the topic moronically simply by posting on letsrun.

What I implied isn't based on two anecdotal experiences. It's what I learned after reading numerous books the topic and communicating with professional counselors.

You're absolutely right that cheating due to emotional instability isn't limited to females, and it was incorrect for me to imply that. However, as much as you don't like it, there are general trends (stereotypes if you want to call them that) that recur in our society. Those trends are that men and women often cheat for different reasons.

If anything, I wasn't trying to put women in a negative light at all. In fact, I wanted to illustrate that women cheat far less than men, and when they do it's often for much deeper reasons.

The reason I was originally called a moron is because I proclaimed that victims of sexual abuse should seek counseling so they don't end up hurting people they care about (ie cheating in a long-term relationship, the topic of this thread). Do you still think that statement makes me a moron? If so I'll take my baggage elsewhere and quit trying to explain why some people cheat on their long term partners.

Thank you all for your confessions. We are now tracing your IP address and will be notifying your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Keep in mind, yetanotherchick, that the thread topic deals with people who cheat on their long-term partner or spouse. I'm not referring to people who cheat on their casual girlfriend or boyfriend, and having been hurt badly in long-term relationships, I felt compelled to reply. Your story about dumping your long-distance boyfriend in college is not in the same vein of what I'm describing.

eastcoastbeastcoast wrote:

um.

I've cheated on every bf ive ever had. They've never known, and thought i was an angel :)

You are probably the most honest girl out there. Nearly all women cheat often and keep it their deep secret.

If your partner was sexually abused (that you know about) deal with that crap with professional counseling before it ends up biting you both in the ass.

Unless thats what youre into!

one in every crowd wrote:

eastcoastbeastcoast wrote:

um.

I've cheated on every bf ive ever had. They've never known, and thought i was an angel :)

You are probably the most honest girl out there. Nearly all women cheat often and keep it their deep secret.

maybe if you're in some asshole east coast crowd, the greek system at a big school, or something like that. i know a lot of people, and very few have cheated in serious relationships.

It's funny. I grew up in huge group of friends who never cheated on anyone. Out of probably 30 dudes I think only one of them had cheated on a girlfriend. At that point in life I thought that nearly everyone was reasonable and very few would cheat.

I then moved to a different city for a job. Everybody I know seems to cheat here. It is almost like its accepted in the groups of guys I know that you cheat on your wife when you go to Vegas or any other time you can get laid. It's pretty pathetic.

Anyway, it's opened my eyes up. Most people are good people but there are plenty of scumbags out there. Same goes for women.

letsruin wrote:

Keep in mind, yetanotherchick, that the thread topic deals with people who cheat on their long-term partner or spouse. I'm not referring to people who cheat on their casual girlfriend or boyfriend, and having been hurt badly in long-term relationships, I felt compelled to reply. Your story about dumping your long-distance boyfriend in college is not in the same vein of what I'm describing.

I thought that my situation applied since this boyfriend and I had been seriously talking about marriage, which isn't casual in my definition of relationships. If it were "cheating" on a guy I'd gone on two dates with, I wouldn't have mentioned it.

Anyway, if you say you did not mean to put women in a negative light, I'll believe you. The way you phrased your observations came out in a very negative way though- that men are just looking for a little fun but if women do the same thing it's because they have deep emotional problems.

To yetanotherchick, did your LD boyfriend eventually find out about you cheating? Did you lie to him and tell him "it wasn't you, its me...." Do you remain friends still? Does he now see you as a cheating lying 5lut who lead him along? Why were you thinking about only breaking up with him recently prior to cheating on him when you went so far as talking about marriage? I only ask these questions because I had a similar situation happen to me, a guy.

Never. We got married and started a family because we love each other, trust each other, and are 100% committed to one another.

However, I have gotten on the board for a half hour or so some evenings instead of spending time with her on the couch while she watches American Idol. But I don't think that is cheating.

The board is much more entertaining than much of the crap on TV.

In regards to the original topic.... yes, I've cheated. I think I've cheated on every long term partner I've had. Yes, I have.

Like another poster mentioned, why would I tell? Hell no! I've not been caught, I don't feel bad about it (hell, it's just life, you only live once and if you can get it why not?) and I'll do it again.

I've cheated on long term girlfriends and my wife. I protect from STD's and pregnancy. Mostly now I have a couple of fck buddies who I call upon for a good time. They know my situation and are fine with it. You guys will get a kick out of this one.... right now one of my buddies is 15 years younger than me and a freshman in College. You ask me if it's worth it??? YES!!! Think about it - it's worth it.

Like another guy stated... I believe most guys on this board don't cheat because they can't get a lady, not because they wouldn't if they could.

Oh, and I'm not religious and I am fully awair most people will believe I will fry in Hell for my actions. But the thing is... I don't believe in Hell!!!!

hell on earth.

Random thoughts....

My parents have been married for 50 years and I was raised in a very conservative family. As I got out in the world I was amazed by a previously unknown to me segment of society. These guys from work I hung out with were married but removed their wedding rings before they went to the club or bar and would screw anything with a pulse.

Some men and women have a totally different set of values and reasons for their behaviour. In their minds many of these people don't even consider it wrong to cheat. Some had open marriages, so many different reasons and situations.

If you value tradtional things like marriage and loyalty it is hard to comprehend people that do not and how they cheat.

I learned and have been really hurt by being around the wrong people that have a totally different set of values. Live and learn.

Depends what you mean by "cheated". If you mean "take her sedan to the bar, pick up some chick, and go back to her place and bang her", then yes.

Once. And while I felt guilty as hell and hated myself for it, it turned out to be the best thing I ever did. Because it set off this whole avalanche of thoughts and emotions and really pushed me to reexamine the relationship I was in.

I've had long-term relationships before that I didn't end when I should have and I was worried it was becoming a pattern. I was feeling a little unfulfilled by my current (yes, still) relationship of then 4 years but I couldn't put my finger on where it was lacking. I would compare my girlfriend to my "ideal" woman or to some very desirable women I would meet, and her shortcomings were so insignificant. But still, I had a hard time really committing to the relationship.

Then I had a one-night stand with a co-worker after a booze-soaked Xmas party (such a cliche). Very beautiful and extremely sexy girl - someone all the men in the office drool over. The sex was awful, of course, being as drunk as we were, but that's besides the point. This girl actually wanted it to be the start of a relationship, I knew her quite well and I was able to think through the whole "if I were single" scenario.

And it all ended up in one giant epiphany. I had the perfect woman already, and not only that but we're aligned on all the other things that matter - plans for the future, etc. I had some major commitment issues of my own (divorce can do that to you) and I honestly think that had it not been for my being unfaithful I would have still been in that emotional limbo that was preventing us from moving forward in our relationship.

Anyway, so here we are, a little over a year later. We're engaged, expecting our first child, and I'm more in love than ever. I haven't told her what happened, nor will I. Nothing good can come of it. Despite all the good that came of it in the end, it was emotional hell, and half an hour of sex, even it had been good, could never be worth all the self-loathing and guilt I went through. I will definitely never even contemplate cheating again, I've learned my lesson, and I see no point in putting the woman I love through all the pain and anger and distrust it would cause, just so I can easy my own conscience.

15 years ago I would read a story like this and go, "nice post-rationalization, you cheating jackass" and I'm sure that's what most of the college kids on here will reply with. And that's fine, I'm not looking for any kind of affirmation from letsrun. But since you're reading this thread, I'm guessing the topic is of some interest to you, so take my story as another piece of evidence that the world is not so black and white.

Once. At a relative's wedding. Was married 8 years, wife did not travel to attend said wedding. I ended up schtooping a bridesmaid. Guess I had the 8 year itch. Truth is, I did it because I could get away with it. Was great sex, meant absolutely nothing and didn't feel guilty at all. No harm, no foul, just an orgasm (well, two).

*clap...clap...clap... **then everyone in audience starts clappping** *someone yells out woo! hell ya!

No, but I helped a couple of women cheat on their boyfriend or husband. The first one I ended up in a relationship with, but came to realize that I'd have a problem with ever trusting her (she dumped me but has since made overtures regarding rekindling). The last one was a married woman that I didn't know (and whose husband I didn't know) who approached me regarding an essentially physical relationship due to her sexless marriage that she had no interest in ending. I was good with it and enjoyed it for a little while but started to feel bad about myself, realizing that while she was going to be cheating on her husband anyway that it didn't have to be with me and that I could do better and deserved better. So I ditched her.

I don't think I'd having a problem cheating with someone again, provided I had no interest in anything serious or long-term (not even friendship) with her and provided I didn't know her significant other. I'm not planning to ever cheat on any spouse or significant other, yet I don't think I'd have a problem with cheating on someone I'm with, provided I don't know the other woman (through work or social circles) and there's no real danger of anything long-term between us. Like other guys who have posted about their cheating here, I'd never tell someone I'd cheated on them since that'd just cause pointless suffering for someone else. On the same token, I don't think I'd ever care to find out that I'd been cheated on. Ignorance is bliss and so long as any 'infidelity' (what is that kind of loyalty really worth, anyway?) is not causing nor based on any issue that's germane to the relationship then no harm, no foul.