marriage is hell. why haven't we figured out an alternative?

mnf wrote:

BREAKING: Incels and man that must pay for sex don’t understand marriage.

I've been an incel now for 6 yrs since the passing of my wife in 2015. I had been married for 19 happy years, so I clearly understand marriage. What's changed now is women - they're not like they were back in day when I got married.

Over the last several years I've been rejected by dozens & dozens of attractive & not so attractive women. Some along the way have given me a "friend zone" offer because they felt sorry for a sad, old widower. Lol. Most of the women rejecting me, including the unattractive ones, simply said I wasn't good looking enough for them & that I had low sexual market value (SMV) 😖 So, I'm average looking (5 at best), a shorty at 5'6 " (though muscular & fit) but not in the "Alpha Chad" category of being very good looking at a 8, 9 or 10 ranking.

Most women these days want the "Alpha Chad" regardless of any other circumstances. It's all about facial features & height. Even some women are willing to share an Alpha Chad with several other women as opposed to having a less attractive man all to their own. Short, average looking older guys like me don't cut it these days (unless you're super wealthy. Lol).

I believe sex dolls with A.I. will be the future for us incels. 🤔

bigopera wrote:

I don't know a single person in a happy marriage.

Who do you hang around with?

I am in a happy marriage. My parents are. My brother and sister are. My inlaws are. Most of my friends are. I can think of just one that maybe isn't going great, and I wouldn't be surprised if they got divorced.

I've been married 18 years. Although there are ups and downs, my life is and has been, much better than if I was single. Like anything else worth having, there are potential risks and benefits, work to put in, to get something out.

There are plenty of people happily married. There are plenty that aren't and weren't happy, while married. Everybody is different and so is every marriage.

I hope those that are unhappy, whether single or married, find what they are looking for and need.

Been married years 16 years. Years 3 to 6 were very hard. To that point of being selfless, I hadn't really learned how to do that. This points again to one of the biggest merits of marriage. It forces you to be a better person, at least in a sink or swim type of fashion. It would be hard to be in a marriage where one or both of the participants didn't want to try and swim. Choose carefully.

Your current opinions are nothing more than the result of your present circumstances. Remember this can --and likely will-- change at the drop of a hat.

All it takes is one right person to change your views on or monogamy marriage away from some 'awful, antiquated thing' and toward it being an incredible experience to embark upon.

Same goes the flip side: a partner develops mental health problems or an addiction and your 'for better or for worse' tune will change quickly!

Finally, to those who complain, understand looks are insanely overrated. Confidence, humor, language skills, culinary skills, being a handyman, mastering an instrument... whatever it may be, it will help. You know what won't? Sitting on this website and commiserating with other basement dwellers.

I have a big nose, thin lips, huge ears, am skinny, and have a slight but permanent limp. I never had an issue w/ the opposite sex and am happily married to someone far, far better better looking than myself. A good friend is 5'5'' and does better than anyone I've ever met. His confidence is through the roof.

i know a lot of married people who are happy, but maybe more who aren't. Of course, nobody is happy all the time, there is a trade off.

that said, there is a lot about marriage and the impending divorce that is not necessarily logical or fair. Marrying out of class or tax bracket, for example, is a HUGE risk. You marry somebody who is several pay grades below, divorce 20 years later, and that person gets half of what you made? forget about it. I couldn't live with that.

But there is a lot to be said for raising a family, and the best way to do that is with a healthy and committed husband and wife. This is true, whether you want to give it that label or not.

There is reward in raising a family, and like many rewards, it is not without it's risks. Sometimes HUGE risks.

Flagpole wrote:

bigopera wrote:

I don't know a single person in a happy marriage.

Who do you hang around with?

I am in a happy marriage. My parents are. My brother and sister are. My inlaws are. Most of my friends are. I can think of just one that maybe isn't going great, and I wouldn't be surprised if they got divorced.

Your wife is not in a happy marriage.

Here's a solution, don't marry someone you aren't happy with. This is why the old saying don't marry for looks is important. If you can't stand their constant whining, complaining, screeching, nagging, and so on, it doesn't matter how perfect their body is. You'll always be unhappy.

If you dont know anyone who is happily married then your friends are likely poor or addicted to drugs

You may not know any millionaires or famous people either.

But there are successful people and people in happy, successful marriages.

It's a beautiful thing when you do have a happy marriage.

Two people being there for each other as they go through there careers and struggles while unifying in the raising of their children and being together all the way through into adulthood.

It's not the only way to go through life but it is a very good way to do it.

Some people are simply unhappy people and will be that way no matter what.

They are jealous of others.

let's be hones, come on wrote:

Flagpole wrote:

Who do you hang around with?

I am in a happy marriage. My parents are. My brother and sister are. My inlaws are. Most of my friends are. I can think of just one that maybe isn't going great, and I wouldn't be surprised if they got divorced.

Your wife is not in a happy marriage.

Truer words have never been spoken. If he's actually married, she's just biding her time. He's almost 60, then it's take what's mine time for her and find someone who is not so narcissistic. I for one wish her well.

Flagpole wrote:

bigopera wrote:

I don't know a single person in a happy marriage.

Who do you hang around with?

I am in a happy marriage. My parents are. My brother and sister are. My inlaws are. Most of my friends are. I can think of just one that maybe isn't going great, and I wouldn't be surprised if they got divorced.

I'm glad to hear that your brother and sister are happily married.

Refer to professor JP. “You can leave.”

i know someone! Myself, lol . Depends on who you are married with.

You know, there's a lot of psychologic things going on when you marry someone. Some people chose wrong from the start and then never can change their own habits and so on and just marry someone else and repeat the problems.

mount in wrote:

Honest response:

The wisdom of marriage is lost on the self-centered. In a world focused on "me time" and "self care" it doesn't compute well. It's an institution designed to compel individuals to consider the well-being of others (especially when kids enter the picture) above one's self. The lesson kicks in when you discover, ironically, that your selfless sacrifices generate a significantly more fulfilling and joyful existence for yourself.

Why would you need "an institution to compel you to consider the well-being of others"?!?

cracking toast wrote:

I'm happy and married 20+ years. We have 4 kids, jobs, mortgage, etc. We have had problems and successes and still love each other. Love is choice and action, not exclusively feelings and orgasms - you can get those on Hallmark and Pornhub. Marriage is commitment and work, but not much work. Its like spinning a bicycle wheel, once it is up to speed and functioning it doesn't take much to keep it going. I'm a young, old-school Christian. I read the Bible and attend church. I know married people that are happy that don't, but it has helped and has kept us together in times when we might have otherwise quit.

Don't be so cynical. Step away from the screens. Step away from other cynics.

Are you one of those guys who hangs around public restrooms?

Men are sexual seeking beings. Women are security seeking beings. Marriage enables these needs to be met. Now of course you may say a man can find sex outside of his wife though, but the idea of getting married is to implicitly claim the sexual rights to that woman so no other man can do the same.

STEVE THE ADDICT^^^^^^""""-""""--'-"--^' wrote:

Men are sexual seeking beings. Women are security seeking beings. Marriage enables these needs to be met. Now of course you may say a man can find sex outside of his wife though, but the idea of getting married is to implicitly claim the sexual rights to that woman so no other man can do the same.

Let the adults talk, Steve. You can share your knowledge when talk turns to more immoral ventures such as prostitutes or degenerative gambling…