What would you do if your wife came to you and asked to open up your marriage, physically I mean? What would you do if she gave you an ultimatum? What if you loved her, she says she loves you, but she also basically refuses to stop having other men in her life? How does one navigate these situations?
She failed to obey the basic principles of marriage. Typical of people nowadays to disrespect their vows. Divorce is inevitable for some. The fact that they try to normalize divorce is even more embarrassing than the fact they broke their vows.
Divorce. I don't have any problem with people who would like to be polyamorous, but I don't and won't. It would be sad and all but the choice is clear.
Should have chosen a better partner. The excuse will be, "well I didn't know he/she was like that." Well damn, maybe do a better job of selecting your partner next time or stop acting impulsively and irrationally.
make a VERY public facebook post that my wife asked me this (tagging her friends, coworkers, parents, grandmother, children etc).
say that Im dissapointed at this request and wanted to see what everyone thought and if I am overreacting.
Friends of a Friend wrote:
What would you do if your wife came to you and asked to open up your marriage, physically I mean? What would you do if she gave you an ultimatum? What if you loved her, she says she loves you, but she also basically refuses to stop having other men in her life? How does one navigate these situations?
Find new wife! Immediately!
Divorce. It sucks, but the wife is breaking marriage vows. If I get married, I intend to take those 100% seriously. Someone who takes vows like those and won't keep them, does not love you regardless of what she says.
Kvothe wrote:
Divorce. It sucks, but the wife is breaking marriage vows. If I get married, I intend to take those 100% seriously. Someone who takes vows like those and won't keep them, does not love you regardless of what she says.
Well, maybe she is breaking the marriage vows...the OP can confirm or deny, but so far that's an assumption on your part as he didn't say that. People write their own vows all the time, and fidelity isn't always part of them.
Friends of a Friend wrote:
What would you do if your wife came to you and asked to open up your marriage, physically I mean? What would you do if she gave you an ultimatum? What if you loved her, she says she loves you, but she also basically refuses to stop having other men in her life? How does one navigate these situations?
I would need more specific parameters. If she wants threesomes that she wants me to be a part of (any configuration) or more, then that's not for me, and I would have to divorce. Beyond that, we would have to have a very detailed and purposeful conversation. Divorce isn't an immediate thought here for me. Might end up that way, but I'm a pretty open-minded guy and have no jealousy issues. Mostly it would boil down to if she still wanted to be married to me.
Flagpole wrote:
Kvothe wrote:
Divorce. It sucks, but the wife is breaking marriage vows. If I get married, I intend to take those 100% seriously. Someone who takes vows like those and won't keep them, does not love you regardless of what she says.
Well, maybe she is breaking the marriage vows...the OP can confirm or deny, but so far that's an assumption on your part as he didn't say that. People write their own vows all the time, and fidelity isn't always part of them.
This ^ is CORRECT!
I don't think I've ever heard of wedding vows explicitly stating, "Do you, Robert, promise to never have sex with anyone other than Susan? . . . And do you, Susan, promise to never have sex with anyone other than Robert?"
People ASSUME all kinds of things (as is evident in the posts here). But it is not reasonable to assume anything about some other couple's wedding vows and related communications and commitments.
Y'all are lame. Open marriages are one of God's greatest gifts.
You get to be married to someone you care about and also get to bang other people for the physical pleasure. What is not to like?
we all have a choice wrote:
Divorce. I don't have any problem with people who would like to be polyamorous, but I don't and won't. It would be sad and all but the choice is clear.
This.
I’m mid 40’s... if she wants to bang other dudes that’s fine but I’m not sticking around. I’m too old and don’t have time or energy to deal with a wife, kids and trying to hook up with another woman. No thanks. If you want that let’s just split so I don’t have to deal with you, get the kids part time and I can live my best life.
Say...I thought it over and ask if you can have a threesome with the new guy. Say you are so looking forward to testing your deep throating skills for the first time. You cannot wait to see you get plowed while you tickle the new guy's balls. And how you look forward to a threesome with a woman in the future too. You cannot wait to see her skills licking the magic bean while you are banging her doggie style.
Honestly just tell her that is a no go for you if you don't want to go that route.
Nothing wrong with couples who want to go down that route but nothing wrong with saying it doesn't work for you.
Have a honest conversation and don't get angry. Ask her if she would be happy and fulfilled if you don't want to have an open relationship.
I'd say tell her to go ahead. Are you having sex anyway? Probably not, and probably because you're not that attracted to each other any more. Ad you should probably eventually break up but you might as well look around while you're still with her because your chances are a lot better than if you're single.
If you say no, she’ll do it anyways. In reality she’s probably been cheating for years and is tired of hiding it. She’s just telling you she’s doing it and you don’t really have a say in the matter. I’d recommend you file for divorce. It’ll save you a lot of money if you file stating she is seeing someone else. If you wait for her to file you’ll have to pay her almost half or half your income for life. And it is inevitable she will file for divorce. One of the men she’s sleeping with will marry her. It’s better you file now and save the money.
Real Obvi wrote:
Flagpole wrote:
Well, maybe she is breaking the marriage vows...the OP can confirm or deny, but so far that's an assumption on your part as he didn't say that. People write their own vows all the time, and fidelity isn't always part of them.
This ^ is CORRECT!
I don't think I've ever heard of wedding vows explicitly stating, "Do you, Robert, promise to never have sex with anyone other than Susan? . . . And do you, Susan, promise to never have sex with anyone other than Robert?"
You have never heard "to have and to hold, forsaking all others" ???
Really? Never heard this?
It usually means they are already cheating or at least have a partner in mind.
I wouldn’t have any interest in maintaining the marriage.
I’d be out and it is happily ever after for me living the bachelor life for the rest of my days. Happy with 3 kids and a lot more money than the last time I was single.
Probably live separately like the politicians who marry for image if children are involved.