I don’t want a wedding, but should I have one?

If you want to get a high-quality wedding video, then the money is worth it. During my wedding, we hired a professional wedding videographer from San Francisco . Quite a lot of bright moments were captured. Half a year has passed, and we have already reviewed our film 2 times.

https://weddingvideocalifornia.com/san-francisco-wedding-videographer/

No wedding (just the two of us and the person that married us). No friction at the time between us about not having one. Then again, perhaps I was stupidly oblivious (very early 20's). I've certainly never regretted it (at all). Never entirely certain what goes on in my wife's head, but fairly confident that she's never significantly regretted it. Still married 30+ years later.

The derivation of the word "wedding" comes from the security the groom's family provides to the family of the bride

Are both families OK with your family providing this security?

Does you fiance plan to wear a veil, the veil intended to symbolize her modesty and innocence, namely her virginity?

Will your fiance's friends have a bridal shower for her and is she willing to give you any and all gifts she receives at the shower. Bridal showers came about as a way for the bride's friends to scrounge up a dowry for her.

"No Kids" That used not even be a factor unless one of the two potential partners had been widowed with children, in which case the wedding generally was one of necessity to ensure the children were cared for.

Prior to WWII, American weddings were generally simple affairs often conducted in the home, not a church or elaborate destination. Many wedding traditions stem from purposes or practices that would appall a modern liberated woman, not to mention spouses of the same gender. So why are they perpetuated?

A wedding is not the ceremony, but rather the commitment between the two spouses. So, save your money, join each other simply, and pay off your debts.

Have the wedding. Its the last time you will see your friends.

Yes, plus you could easily arrange a ceremony for less than 20 if you want.

Rent a venue, catering, probably 5k for a small-medium one.

Stu...Stu Padaso wrote:

Have the wedding. Its the last time you will see your friends.

Underrated comment.

I’m typing this in the oncology ward as my wife of 20 years is preparing to start try #3 to treat her cancer. We met at age 19 and somehow managed wait until our wedding night to have sex/live together and we have 3 beautiful kids. Yes old fashioned. I’m here to tell you brother that this is not just ‘another step’ in life like graduation or getting that first job. Marriage is a life long vow to hold fast, even when your life is like a horror movie. The fact that you are trading it against a ‘nice vacation’ should be a red flag to you and her. I mean this constructively - you need to be 100% committed to this step in life. Note that’s not the same as 100% certain it will ‘work out’ but you need to be ready to give your all and then more for this person.

- An incredibly happily married man.

Meet in the middle and say you could be excited about a wedding if it was only $10k instead of the likely $20k.

Keep it small and only have immediate family and very close friends. Make the food simple. Use a small venue, could be a park or even your own family member's property.

You’re better off doing a destination wedding. You can get some travel in and your friends and fam have the “opportunity” to come. It’s addition by subtraction because it’s an easy way to whittle down the guest list.

The 20K price tag is relative and probably falls in the middle. I live in LA and that qualifies as a bare bones cheapo wedding for people with solid jobs. Amortize that over 40 years. Select moderate to big ticket items for the registry so you should be able to recoup 50 percent of cost depending upon your family and friends.

Most women grow up dreaming about their wedding day and you’ll be starting your marriage off behind the 8-ball if you deprive her of this. Don’t listen to incels and penny pinchers here.

1) Holy crap man, have the wedding. Good freakin' grief, $20,000 isn't even the cost of a cheap car. Big freaking deal.

2) Who cares what others have done. SHE wants a wedding. If ONE of you wants one, you should have it.

3) Now, from what you have said, YOU might be a bit immature and need to grow up...you are afraid she is guilt tripping you? You think she might hold not having a wedding over your head? Man, I NEVER thought such things about The Lovely Mrs. Flagpole before I married her. So, either your fiancé is immature and you are reacting to how she typically behaves, or YOU are. My guess is that you are. Stop being that way.

Seriously, HAVE THE WEDDING.

You should have a wedding, but it does not have to be extravagant. My wife and I got married for 4k (that was 24 years ago). We had it at a very nice hotel and just did not invite that many people. 2 guests and and immediate family. A total of 20 people - overlooking the ocean and a great meal afterward. No dancing, speeches and all that crap. Just a nice ceremony at a nice place with a few people.

Then again, that's what my wife wanted too.

Marriages, especially first marriages, in the US have a failure rate of 50% or so. Would you put down $20K in an investment that has a 50% chance of failure? I'd rather use that money on a downpayment on a house which it appears that you could use in the next 6-12 months.

I think you should have the wedding. It's not really comparable to a vacation. However, you could easily pare it down from 20K. That seems ridiculous, especially if you're not particularly excited about it.

However, I'd ask yourself why you're not excited about it? Is it because you think it will be a load of hassle, or you're under pressure to invite people you don't want to etc - and then deal with that.

Star wrote:You can always make money.

You only have one shot at making wedding memories.

I don't know about that. Look at Elizabeth Taylor!

We were married in Basel, Switzerland at the rail with four othercouples at the Zivilamstadt. Overnight room and "ceremony" cost about fifty bucks. We went there to save time and money we'd have incurred in Germany, where we loved, because the Getman process of course is much more paperwork and expense. Did very well on gift$ from (her) family, so we were able to spend a week skiing in Austria! I agree with you that the time and money could be better spent on more enjoyable activities.

We lasted 26 yrs after. Great times.

What, you just need to figure it out together. I support your side because my economist soul says that it is unwise to arrange a wedding, especially when you already have loans. My fiance and I now have the same question: do the wedding or not. I don't want to, and I've always told him that. He supports me, only his relatives put pressure on him, they want to go for a walk at a free wedding. Most likely, we will focus on the version of a small wedding. On https://www.elopetogatlinburg.com, we have found great options for holding a small ceremony, and it suits us. I hope you can sort it out and find a compromise, good luck to you.

No offense, but if you were a better provider, you would be able to do a $20K wedding AND go on a nice vacation. You're a 30-year-old with a master's degree. Time to get a grownup job.

Don't shortcut something that is very important to your wife, especially something big like a wedding. It's hard to underestimate how much a wedding means to a lady. Most girls look forward to that day more than anything else and then look back on it with fond memories the rest of their lives, so you don't want to undercut that in any kind of way, even if you don't think it's a big deal. It most likely is a very big deal to her, probably even more than she is willing to admit to maintain peace and harmony with you.

More importantly, your difference of opinion on this might be indicating a bigger issue latent in your relationship, the avoidant-anxious trap. Read "Attached" by Levine and Heller. I wish I had read that years ago when I was first married, would've prevented so many misunderstandings. If I had to recommend one book for any engaged couple to read, especially the guys, this would be the book.