Breakup with GF or keep running?

Walk. I've been given an ultimatum twice in my life and I walked both times. One was a 4 year relationship, the other a 6 year relationship. My third 'serious' relationship has lasted for 25 years. I made the right choice...no question. Don't cave to an ultimatum.

relationships are more important.... work it out, don't show that you're running that much(ie go from work/when she sleeping) and ask for one or two days a week you can meet your buddies to workout, that's not too much to ask. This is what most married guys, and myself , ask for.

The ultimatum is bogus. Still, there are a few pertinent questions that have not been answered:

How much time per day do you spend with your girlfriend, on average?

You say your training has picked up significantly over the last six months, which has probably cut into your time with your girlfriend. Have you made an effort to make it up to her or carve out time to be with her?

Are you pulling your weight around the house now that your training has picked up?

Do you express a sincere interest in her passions, or do you just constantly talk about your running?

Select the response that most accurately depicts how you'd respond to the following hypothetical situation. It is Friday night and your girlfriend asks if you want to go out for dinner. You:

a.) Say no thanks, you were planning on eating the leftover chicken, rice and broccoli dish you made for yourself last night, plus you have to foam roll and do a core workout.

b.) Suggest a place that both of you like and take her there.

c.) Decline to go out, but offer to make something, whatever she'd like.

d.) Decline to go out, but offer to make and share a dish that has been approved by your nutritionist.

Ride The Pony wrote:

Select the response that most accurately depicts how you'd respond to the following hypothetical situation. It is Friday night and your girlfriend asks if you want to go out for dinner. You:

a.) Say no thanks, you were planning on eating the leftover chicken, rice and broccoli dish you made for yourself last night, plus you have to foam roll and do a core workout.

b.) Suggest a place that both of you like and take her there.

c.) Decline to go out, but offer to make something, whatever she'd like.

d.) Decline to go out, but offer to make and share a dish that has been approved by your nutritionist.

It's definitely choice a).

I have a race on Saturday, and I don't need another excuse for my performance.

Ride The Pony wrote:

It is Friday night and your girlfriend asks if you want to go out for dinner. You:

a.) Say no thanks, you were planning on eating the leftover chicken, rice and broccoli dish you made for yourself last night, plus you have to foam roll and do a core workout.

b.) Suggest a place that both of you like and take her there.

c.) Decline to go out, but offer to make something, whatever she'd like.

d.) Decline to go out, but offer to make and share a dish that has been approved by your nutritionist.

I'd choose B, with the caveat that we'll be going out after the weekend's race, not before.

dunes runner wrote:

Ladies? wrote:

Have you attempted to have a serious discussion with your girlfriend? Calling it quits without trying to find a balance is taking the easy way out.

She has already called it quits. This is not up to the OP anymore.

OP, this right here. She is already done but is trying to find a way out that she can blame you for the relationship ending.

I don't blame the girl for wanting a change, and I don't blame the OP for wanting to pursue running. Sounds like pursuing your goal is important to you, which is great. Also, it sounds like you aren't providing your GF with the kind of relationship she wants/needs to be happy. I think that's a fair perspective for her to have, as well. If it's not right for her, kudos for her for telling you.

Maybe you just aren't compatible right now. It is really damn tough to achieve a triple crown in work, running, and relationships. There's no shame in just focusing on two things for a little while. You'll find another relationship down the road, and you will be a better man in that relationship because you allowed yourself to follow your true sense of purpose at this point in your life.

She's already banging another dude, the running is just an excuse.

Have her sh*t on the porch when she gets back.

You're welcome!

Break up dude.

You’ll be resentful years down the road the first time you guys have a major fight about kids or something life altering, and you will bitter towards her for derailing your running dreams. Next you’ll get a new hobby like softball or something, and she’ll make you quit that too.

Secure women let you do what you love and give you space. She sounds needy. Please get rid of her and find someone who has respect for your passions. Typical angry bitter white chick. Get an Asian girlfriend.

She definitely has a man on deck. It is not going back. The social dynamic determines this. not 'personality'.

PooPooGarbo wrote:

I have a gf that I have dated for 2 years and things have gone well. However, I am a semi-pro runner who has aspirations to be able to go pro one day and support myself through running. Throughout the 2 years of us dating everything has been great, lots of fun dates, laughter, and sex. However, over the last 6 months, I have ramped up my training and have become obsessed with running. She has distanced herself emotionally from me and cut off sex. When I ask her why she says I care about running more than her. And has given me an ultimatum, either choose running or choose her. She is giving me 1 week to decide.

I know this is kinda vague info, but does anyone have any advice or experience with this type of situation?

Find a girl that supports you no matter what you do and doesn't give you ultimatums. Being in a relationship should never hinder your aspirations. Live your life, it's the only one you got.

OP:

Marry her.

When your flying home after the trials, do you want to return to roommates in a 2 bedroom apartment or walk through the door with your wife? You'll spend the next week planning a future, or you can live with substitute teachers talking about Buffalo Wild Wings on Tuesday nights.

For the record, I was the same as you in 06-07. I knew by May of '07 that I couldn't make the trials for 08. I proposed Fall 07, married summer 08. I probably could have done Marathon trials in 2012--many friends who I trained with and had similar times and progression as me did. I went to the marathon trials in Houston, and watched them compete. I flew home to my wife and children in a home I own, and I didn't regret quitting racing in 07.

OP: man up and get married. You'll be a tougher person, and it will force you to change and grow. Your wife will be the one to build you up when you're struggling, and you will do the same for her. When you achieve your goals, the two of you will share the experience instead of being lonely in a hotel room.

You should never have to talk yourself into marrying someone.

What she has done is essentially say, "Quit running or you don't love me" (not to mention the threat of all the other things she is implicitly cutting you off from). This is very manipulative and toxic from a MFT standpoint

What she is also saying is "What I want is more important and than what you love." If she isn't mature enough to accept you both can have things you love, it's time to move on. She isn't ready.

I'd end the relationship. Chances are you're not going to end up with her. It sounds like she's already checked out, and there's a good possibility she's already found someone else. Not saying this is 100% true, but your window to actually make a living at running is short, your window to find a new girlfriend is much larger.

Everyone "loves" the person they're with.. yet most relationships end.. most aren't worth your time. People trick themselves into staying in stupid relationships because they can't move on with their lives. Do your best to be the best at running you can be, maybe find someone who respects your goals.

Have you all seen Losers on Netflix? It's a documentary series on when it all goes bad.

Anyway, this GF, the way it is described, may have been rash in declaring an ultimatum, but at some point you will get older and it won't seem so clearcut that your goals are pure while your partner just doesn't understand. And you will be like this guy in one of the episodes who almost dies in the Sahara running an ultra, leaving behind his wife and three kids.

One point is that he never discussed it with her. He was like, so April I'll be gone. Another point is that he wasn't around anyway because there was all his training beforehand. A third point is that it all does look glorious and they go a great job with the storytelling. It is so compelling. Maybe he is stupid and selfish but it does make running seem equivalent with life itself. But I think there's a line in a relationship and a lot of it is determined by feeling you're both in control of your own destinies, not that one party is just watching or that one party is feeling held back.

What she says is all or nothing. Why couldn't she have said to try making changes first instead of asking you to give it up. You say you're obsessed. Some level of obsession is needed for distance running, but there IS a point where it becomes detrimental.

Does she realise how good you are?

Personally I would pick running, but the best piece of advice I can give you is to make your own decision, don't let anything you read here influence you.

Hello PooPooGarbo. You sound like a wonderful person who takes there running serious, like Bekele. If you are ever in Tulsa please let me know and we can get coffee and talk about me being you're wife who will always support running

Keep running.