Am I right to be annoyed with my partner? If so, what's the best way to handle things?

Hire someone to hack her cellphone and social media accounts remotely.

Dude, your boyfriend is not your "partner" if you don't live together.

Youtube Coach Corey Wayne. Read his book, watch his videos. Yes you are being needy. You need to be firm and direct.

By "partner", are the two of you in an exclusive relationship?

I think what you're asking for is a pretty normal thing to want in a relationship, but in 2018 there are enough different kinds of relationships that you need to be explicit. Sometime soon in person I'd take a moment to tell your partner what you want in terms of communication/planning. Make it clear that this is a serious request, but I would aim to stay pretty calm and brief, unless your SO has strong feelings about it. You make it sound like your SO is just absent-minded, in which case this shouldn't be a problem, although you might have to encourage/condition them while they get in the habit of thinking ahead. One great thing would be to get in a routine: e.g. dinner at your place Tuesdays, their place Thursdays, go out Fridays, hang out Sundays, and the rest of the week either do your own thing or text last minute. But I agree: you can't base a whole relationship on "hey babe wanna hang"

If they have a strong negative reaction to what you're suggesting, I'd take that as a red flag. If you're playing this straight, you're not being needy, and your partner needs to realize the effect their lack of texting has on you.

Yes, exclusive relationship. Yes I think there is some element of absent-mindedness. I did mention months back how it would be nice to plan things out ahead of time and there was some attempt for that, but that seems to have wained. Because we work in close proximity, I think that also encourages the "hey want to hang out?" same day type thing. But maybe I should start declining those more. Or say that I can't today, how about x day.

Also thanks for the non-troll reply!

looking for feedback... wrote:

Also thanks for the non-troll reply!

What are your and their genders?

Kinda makes a diff in giving non troll advice...

Sounds like you are super uptight. Driving 30 minutes is not far.

I avoided saying genders on purpose because I am a woman, and figured by doing this I'd get various sexist comments (and I know that may happen now)... but if it helps with giving better advice, that would be nice.

Also, it's 30+ minutes with traffic, just makes it tricky to stick around too late sometimes. It's actually a relative's place that I am staying temporarily.

There is no right or wrong to how you feel. It simply is what it is and you need to deal with it.

If you think you're an afterthought in your partners life and you want something better than that then discuss it with them.

If you can't find a resolution where both of you are happy then move on. Life is too short.

This is a dumb question, but how would you say is the best way to convey that first part? I grew up in an orthodox household and it became sort of ingrained in me to not really ask what I want/be a people pleaser, and I'm only just now trying/learning to be more assertive in asking for my needs. And I know it's unhealthy to keep this all bottled up, leading to a potential explosion at some point instead of nipping it in the bud now.

Don’t say no to hanging out and pretend to be busy just because you want him to make plans in advance.

That is petty and he will have no idea why you are all of sudden declining.

You are a grown up, if something is upsetting you, tell him what he is doing, explain why it upsets you, and what you would like him to do differently. Be explicit, he can not read your mind.

Also, there is no reason why you can’t text him. Sitting around waiting for him to text first is silly and counter productive, just go ahead and text him.

Same goes with making plans in advance, if you want to make plans advance, start making plans in advance. Text him on Wednesday and ask if he wants to get dinner on Friday. If he says he is busy on Friday suggest Saturday.

looking for feedback... wrote:

This is a dumb question, but how would you say is the best way to convey that first part? I grew up in an orthodox household and it became sort of ingrained in me to not really ask what I want/be a people pleaser, and I'm only just now trying/learning to be more assertive in asking for my needs. And I know it's unhealthy to keep this all bottled up, leading to a potential explosion at some point instead of nipping it in the bud now.

Best way to convey feelings is to use the experience cube.

Describe what they are doing (ie making plans last minute, not planning ahead of time)

Describe how it makes you feel (ie neglected, frustrated)

Describe what you think about his actions (ie that I’m not your first priority, this isn’t done on purpose)

And then describe what you want (I want us to make plans ahead of time)

Thanks for this. This is in theory what I know I need to do, but it's still pretty hard for me to feel comfortable asking for this just because of my upbringing and how I was told to not be assertive/just smile and always accept it/not make a fuss. I guess I feel like I might be sounding needy/clingy. How does one get past this mindset?

I wouldn't respond/not schedule plans for the sake of it - but I am trying to just go ahead and schedule my own plans and respond whenever I'm done, not just wait around for a message.

I'm really trying to work on this, I think sometimes I shut down a bit when this happens because I don't want to make a fuss. It's a big flaw I'm trying to fix/undo years of conditioning this way.

Literally watch True Crime Daily.

Someone once pushed their partner down the cliff to their death because they didn’t want them to suffer the heartache of a divorce.

They were married only 8 days.

Ahh, the things we do for love to protect the ones most important to us.

Love is evolution partially spelled backwards. It’s no longer about chemicals in the brain. No, it’s a sinister affair.

looking for feedback... wrote:

Thanks for this. This is in theory what I know I need to do, but it's still pretty hard for me to feel comfortable asking for this just because of my upbringing and how I was told to not be assertive/just smile and always accept it/not make a fuss. I guess I feel like I might be sounding needy/clingy. How does one get past this mindset?

I wouldn't respond/not schedule plans for the sake of it - but I am trying to just go ahead and schedule my own plans and respond whenever I'm done, not just wait around for a message.

The experience cube thing feels gimmicky , silly and just theory based, but it works.

Do not worry about getting past the mindset, just have a chat with your boyfriend and actually go through the four steps. I see... I think.... I feel... I want....

It is formulaic but it works and going through the steps forces you to express your thoughts

I've tried to do something like this before but end up stumbling/not fully saying how hurt I feel because I don't want to appear clingy and just have a hard time expressing some of the negative emotions I feel. Occasionally when this happens I just end up getting quiet because I can't bring myself to fully express this. Really need to work on it.

I can feel myself right now wanting to avoid my partner because of this as well/because I don't want to get confrontational. Really dumb. I'm just also really bad at asking for what I want or just going with something because I don't want to make a fuss, and that's something I need to work on.