What book is this you were reading about Holleran? I remember reading about her suicide and feeling really bad. Every time I hear of someone taking their life because of depression it really hits me hard, because I know that at times I've been close to that as well, I can relate.
I've been struggling with it for the last 7-8 years. My sport is not quite running but a different endurance sport. Helpful to hear some stories of people on here dealing with it and still getting some stuff done, living their life and continuing on.
In many ways depression has taken running away from me and it really hurts. Many days I want to run (or do other things I enjoy) but am not able to because of what is going on inside of my head. It's tough to get out of that spiral of depression, low motivation, not doing things you enjoy (running/working out for me) and then getting depressed because you're not doing shit all day just miserable, trying to escape etc.
Luckily I haven't turned to drugs or alcohol to cope, like my brother did, I just sort of wear it right in my face.
It's been a major drain and source of conflict for my relationship (of 6+ years now). It feels like a battle every day. I know I am "functioning" better/higher than other people who are homeless, drug addicts, bipolar/whatever else, but it is still really difficult.
Not really much to say. I find that what helps is having a support network of people around you who understand what you are going through, and being able to express what it is without people giving you needless advice or "you should..."-ing you to death. If you can create some structure and accountability outside of your motivation/mood, it can help drag you out of your own head. Also mindfulness has helped at times, but only at managing mood before it gets really bad, not really as a cure-all when you are down in the dregs.
Best of luck and know that others are dealing with it too.