He cursed me out when I got home for little things, he would lay into me in front of my friends and their families (this happened at sporting events mostly), would yell at me for hours if I wasn't doing well in school (but would never help me b/c he couldn't miss his favorite tv shows) and just really really came after me instead of just being stern enough to get results. He would eventually realize every time he went to far and try to apologize to me by telling me it's my fault that he acted this way and I need to do better. I was always embarrassed by him, and other kids would pick on me b/c of how horrible he was and how he acted. Teachers even disliked me b/c they knew I was his kid before I even got into their classroom b/c of how he acted in the past at my older brother's school events.
Even today he still goes into his rage fits but I push back now b/c he has no leverage and so now he just tries to get mean or worse blame everyone for his problems. I though he was going to have a stroke last thanksgiving when my mother told him his shirt was un-tucked in the back and he MF'd her all the way into the garage as he walked out to the car for "being all over him".
I have a kid of my own now and i just shutter at the thought of leaving her alone with him b/c I really do think he is capable of yelling at a toddler mostly b/c I have seen him do it. I saw him yell at a little girl b/c she picked up some stupid trinket that belonged to his mother and started playing with it. He yelled at her, ripped it our of her hands and made her cry as went storming off into the other room. I have never been able to shake that memory.
He is just absolutely miserable and brings everyone around him down at all times. I get anxiety attacks when I have to be around him b/c of how awful he is to this day.
I just have to try and be better for my daughter and learn to handle things better, I do see signs of me acting like him at times and I have learned to pull back and think it over. Got to be better, have to be better.