Anyone else genuinely dislike your parents as an adult?

Sounds like my mom

"She is very narcissistic, socially and emotionally handicapped, and repeats herself over and over and over. She also has a victim mentality and will tell me the same stories over and over and over every time I talk to her that basically amount to someone was mean to her once and she's such a victim because of it. "

But I think my dad was the real a##hole - basically cut him off since last year.

The comedienne George Carlin said "All parents are a**holes.". In my experience this is true and some are much worse then others. You're definitely not alone! When I was about 20 I tried to make peace with my parents after a rough few years. It worked for a large part but unknown to me my father was an alcoholic and that was something beyond anything that could be stopped and the damage that ensued. That was very sad. My mother is a decent person but has her issues with me from time to time. I will say this: In life time is limited. You only have your family for a period of time, I have done the best I could be by being a good son. If they do not reciprocate then it doesn't matter. I'm living my life and have and will continue to enjoy all the good things that come when you do the right things.

Mom has been an alcoholic since I was young. Haven't talked to her in a few years.

Father has been in prison for over 10 years. Only visited a few times to hear his case, but came to my own conclusion that he is guilty. Have not talked to him in years either.

You're not alone.

I hear yah. I recently retired and only now, with more time to look back and examine things, have I realized the bitterness and missed opportunities, especially in relationships, but also career-wise, that could be traced back to my family envirinment. You tell yourself, " they probably did their best", but you never really escape it.

My Dad is a Trump supporter, so yes.

I never knew my parents when they were children

My father is one of the most self-absorbed, narcissistic people I've met in my life. Totally controlled by the women in his life. Successful doctor, married three times, never with a prenup as far as I can tell. We didn't speak for many years starting when I was around 14, because his second wife didn't like me. He now complains about her to me when we talk, as apparently even many years after they've been divorced he's still paying her alimony. As though I'm going to feel bad about that? He refused to contribute to my college education but paid for her daughters from her previous marriage. Not that I'm bitter...

After many years, in my late 20s, we made amends, sort of. But it's impossible to have a decent relationship as he is the kind of person who, when you talk, asks no questions and just keeps going on about their own life. No desire to listen, at all.

Last year for example I fell during a run and broke my jaw. A few weeks later, during our semiannual phone call (that's as often as I'm willing to interact) I mentioned it. Reply: "That's great. Did I tell you about [my girlfriend's] new business venture?" (Even at 75, after 3 failed marriages, he's still obsessed with his women and they control his life...)

Oh and then there's his first wife, my mother. I haven't spoken with her in 15 years, but that's a whole other story.

So yeah OP. You're not the only one.

kdfjadfsdfdi wrote:

My Dad is a Trump supporter, so yes.

I’m sure you have disappointed him greatly.

OMFG you described my mom to a Tee. It's scary. I'm at a loss for what to do as well. Is your mom also extremely critical of you and everyone else but always thinks she is right about everything? I feel like this might be better posted on reddit though - Letsrun probably isn't going to offer you any valuable feedback and you'll get a lot of trolls. People on reddit will give valuable feedback. Let me know if you end up posting there, would follow.

You fell for the ol' semiannual/biannual mistake. The correct cadence is biannual.

Kidding aside, if we value others as people, not as a percentage of shared genes with us, it's no big deal to dislike family and cut them out when necessary.

Wow, similar.

My dad is so self-absorbed he did things to me that should warrant life in prison that almost ruined my career and flips out when I try to stop him or hold him accountable because he does not 'want' to talk about how he stole 20k and physically attacked me to the point of near-death when I was in the middle of one of the most pivotal periods of my career. He is so obsessed with how it is not pleasant conversation for him, so he will not address consequences for doing that. He effectively almost murd ered two of my friend's children and is just complaining that he does not 'like' people confronting him about it.

He also buys the whole 'global warming is a hoax' because he just likes the way the idea justifies his selfish short-sighted self-congratulatory unthinking approach to things.

He is a successful physician. Married the worst people he could choose. Never paid ANYTHING for me and in fact stole money from my scholarships and work during school three times. And he pays for his wife's children from another man, not only tuition but also has them living like royalty while I almost starved a few times after he stole money from me during important times.

And he acts entitled to some grand respect when he has been the worst father of anyone around I ever met.

Like, if I did not know him from relation, I would fear him as a pedo/serial kil ler vibe.

One of his favourite tricks is to take my money to give to his latest wife and then act indignant and say he could give me money if I 'needed' it. I have a budget. It was all spoken for. I am not living to give his wife all my discretionary income while I live paycheck to paycheck because I do not 'need' it. I do not even know her. They married when I was an adult.

He essentially only used me for extra money he could take without asking and now hates I changed banks and info so he cannot find my money to push me around like that anymore.

His life is sad and pathetic, now. He is so whipped he is essentially trapped. It does not change what I can do about it when he is that dangerous. He just bullies me for the sake of it, scamming me and taking advantage of any way I trust him to go behind my back with his new wife and scam money from me. And just wails about 'respect' when I stop him. I even could give him money or retirement if he were not such a jerk. He does not ask.

And my mother, well, he has a type.

It is hard to handle life without a mother and father in some capacity. My dad and his serial kil ler insane new wife and her mother are the reason I live in secured communities. They broke into my place once to pois on my things when I was away because of a word that offended them I had said that was not even unkind or untrue. They had mostly just misunderstood some professional comment that was not even to them and are such uncivilized white trash idiots they think they can get away with things like that.

And not only did he not pay tuition for me, ever, which I do not feel entitled to, though it really would help since he makes almost 7 figures, and I really could use not starting my career with debt (Not to mention I would have had free tuition to a top ranked place had the Estimated Family Contribution not been so high because of his income.) but he also took my money for school and used it to pay for his wife and her children whose tuition he pays. To the point it interrupted my degree multiple times because I needed the money for my expenses. And so I have gaps in my resume and lost income from it.

In my mid-20s I saw what my parents were. First and foremost, completely failed parents from whom I had learned nothing except what I was able to glean from the negative examples they set. Irresponsible, extreme emotionalists (truth is whatever makes them feel good, lies are whatever makes them feel bad), clinging desperately to ridiculous, archaic ideas about life that they weren’t even aware of, utterly detached from reality, incapable of acknowledging their errors, willing to destroy themselves and anyone they cross paths with to protect my worthless brother. They were extremely generous and would have done ANYTHING for me except where my interests conflicted with my brother’s. I appreciate them, but do not respect them in the slightest, do not and cannot feel love for them.

No, but I had great parents.

My way of dealing with it is not to think much about my parents and to make sure I moved on with my own life asap independently.

But occasionally something jolts my memory and reminds me of how awful my father in particular was.

- The time he grabbed me by the hair and pinned me against the steering wheel of the car. I felt there was very little holding him back from bashing my head against the gearstick or whatever and ending up seriously injured or brain damaged. I was 17 at the time. He also insulted my looks, calling me fat, ugly and "stupid looking". I'm female, and that could have really dented my confidence, but strangely it didn't, because even then I knew him for the ridiculous **** he was. I simply used him as an example of the type of man to avoid.

- The time aged 15, when I fell and knocked out my front teeth and got glass embedded in my legs from a bicycling accident involving a car. I phoned him and he didn't want to know, and couldn't wait to get me off the phone. A family friend had to take me to hospital instead.

- The time he got the family into debt and we lost our home. The time he stole from his new employer and was sacked.

- The number of times he told me that when I was 16, he would no longer be "legally obliged" to look after me, and I would have to make my own way in the world.

- The total lack of encouragement, kind words or help with anything.

- The veiled and sometimes not so veiled comments people -other relatives, friends, etc. used to make about him. Thank you to them.

- When he tried to charge me money for staying at home in the college holidays, because I got a job to finance my studies, aged 19. My mother stopped him, and pointed out that he had lived at home with his parents until aged 27, when he married her.

He wasn't a monster, but he just didn't like me and still to this day, I don't understand why. How much does it take to be nice to your own child, even occasionally? I cannot think of one pleasant or kind thing that he ever said to me. I think he would have preferred that I wasn't there. Possibly he blamed me for my mother losing interest in him.

I now think occasionally about his insults and wonder why I didn't point out that he was an overweight, balding man who had lost whatever looks he had. But at 12 or 14 years old, you just don't have that level of confidence and answer back ability.

Oh, he used to take my savings, from age 9 onwards, saved from money relatives had given me, to spend on himself and tell me it was "to benefit the whole family".

I wasn't allowed to call myself a child, as in referring to myself as "your child" from around age 13. I was told "you're an adult now".

I remember being surprised when I heard a man at my training group say that he was driving 3 hours to take birthday presents to his daughter at college. It had never occurred to me that someone would do such a thing. I just assumed that once you left home, that was it.

Not wishing to be boastful, but I grew into a bit of a beauty, which kind of made all of his insults about my appearance (having big lips, and memorably "big cheekbones" were some of those insults...I remember even then, in my youthful ignorance, being puzzled). You've got to laugh.

Some these stories seem unbelievable but I know from my experience that they could all be very well true. I will just say to anyone reading that has gone through something like this: Please know that there are lots of people in the world who want the very best for and would never do or so anything other than to further that. I know how sick some family are. The best thing that I have done was to always do the right things and what I have found when I do that the right things happen to me. I escaped literally horrors but years after I have enjoyed myself way more than most people ever will.

#metoo times up wrote:

OMFG you described my mom to a Tee. It's scary. I'm at a loss for what to do as well. Is your mom also extremely critical of you and everyone else but always thinks she is right about everything? I feel like this might be better posted on reddit though - Letsrun probably isn't going to offer you any valuable feedback and you'll get a lot of trolls. People on reddit will give valuable feedback. Let me know if you end up posting there, would follow.

Yeah, my mom basically thinks she's Jesus Christ even though she's actually a really crappy person. She doesn't really think she's ever done anything wrong to anyone ever. This is textbook narcissism. My mom is a strange narcissist though in that most narcissists are driven to achieve and brag and boast, whereas my mom is pretty much the exact opposite of what/who I try to be in every way. She is gluttonous, obese, stupid, ignorant, uneducated, emotionally and socially reetarded, unathletic, lazy, needlessly confrontational, etc. It's seriously like she made a conscious plan early in life to try to be the biggest piece of crap possible. Has never tried to be a better person in any way. Has always actively avoided healthy food or exercise. Has always tried to close herself off from the rest of the world, people, culture, etc. Has always pretty actively tried to tick off anything who gets near her and destroy every relationship she has. Never reads anything but The Bible and tries to cram her insanely extreme religious beliefs down the throats of anyone near her. Was verbally and emotionally abusive when I was a kid and teenager. Zero intelligence. Zero wisdom. Zero guidance. I learned a lot from her growing up basically just because she embodied everything negative about how a person can be, and that's how I viewed her, as the exact opposite of who I wanted to be in the world.

I thought after losing pretty much everything and going to counseling for 8 months she'd have learned at least a little bit, like how to be someone people can even tolerate being around once in awhile, but it doesn't seem she has. I just started talking to her again about six months ago, and while there have been some decent conversations, my last one with her REALLY P'ed me off. She brought up stories from long ago where she was clearly, clearly in the wrong and tried to argue that she actually wasn't in the wrong at all and that she's a victim in the whole thing. I view it as utter insanity and am trying to re-categorize her in my mind from a normal person who is bad to a full blown insane person whose thoughts should be of no consideration to me, but I'm struggling a bit. It sounds horrible, I know, but sometimes I wish she would just die already so I wouldn't have to feel obligated to talk to her. I wish I didn't feel like that, but I do.

Yes. Politically, we are polar opposites. Which is bizarre, because I am who he raised. When I think of the values he taught me and the principles I learned from him, I just dont understand. I won't say which side he is on or i am on, but we will never see it the same.

I have my beliefs and respect others beliefs. But, my father is one of those people who doesn't. If you dont see it the way he does, you are a bad human being. Every person of his opposite political ilk is to be cursed, denigrated, and damned to hell. His wife is worse. She epitomizes everything bad about her political party and is so boisterous about it. (According to her, certain people aren't paying their "fair share" of taxes, yet she hasn't worked a day in the 35 years I've known her.)

I'll call him every now and again but I can't stand to be in the same room with him. It always comes down to, "That So and So, is Hitler, a nazi, or evil, etc."

Yes unfortunately.

I hardly talked to my dad the last 4 years of his life. He developed spine problems which greatly limited his ability to walk and was very painful. He became an alcoholic as a way to cope. Completely changed him. He was an occasional drinker when I was a kid, but he went completely off the deep end. All he did was drink and watch TV. He was an angry drunk. He would yell and scream anytime anything bothered him slightly. He wouldn't let the family dog drink water because he didn't like the sound the dog made when it drank. The dog would have to wait until he went to sleep. My Mom would stay at work 60-80 hours per week just so she didn't have to deal with him.

After he died Mom lost her mind. She became a serial hoarder. Every room in her 3,000 square foot house is dedicated to piling things she buys off of Amazon and Kohl's. She owns over 200 pairs of shoes, most have never been worn. Multiple pieces of furniture (end tables, chairs, dressers) that have never been used. Several exercise machines. Mounds of jewelry. She refuses to stop and will not throw anything away. She's still functioning in that she holds down a job and has a couple friends. I still talk to her, but I will never go back into my childhood home again until I have to clean it out when she dies.