The weight of emotion in this post is real and big. I am extremely hurt by his actions. I cannot put it together how or why someone would do this out of spite anger and even weakness.
Where do I start? When I was three years old I was lonely at play time and always wished I had a sibling to be with. So for Christmas that year the first thing on my list was a brother. In July my brother was born.
I started kindergarten a year early and was one of the first kids to present his "All about me" poster project. I talked about what I wanted to be when I grew up (a firefighter or baseball player), talked about my classmates and friends I liked to play with most and finally my family. My mother was still on maternity leave and so she brought in my baby brother to our kindergarten class the day I presented. What a jolly memory this was.
People growing up always thought we looked so much alike. Still to this day people think the same despite our 4 years difference. Even our closest of friends confuse us from a distance.
I am just wounded beyond repair at this point. I have never felt so worthless and guilty all at the same time. Worthless because who in God's name would do this to their own brother and who in God's name wouldnt feel left out under the same circumstances. I feel guilty for things that I dont even know about that apparently went wrong between our happy days and the present.
I am so happy that my brother found happiness but at the same time so sad he has not chosen to share this with me. It hurts really bad processing the fact that my own younger brother wishes to not have me, his older brother who wished for him, there on his special day to celebrate life along with him.
From one brother to other brothers out there no matter how bad you think your relationship is with your sibling dont ever commit this type of amoral sin. It is low and inconceivable. Be inclusive. Set aside your differences. Look to a higher moral order. Be happy for one another.
Forgive. Forget. Love.