Should I choose my career or the girl?

Dump her. There will plenty more women you can starcross with.

Always choose the career. Always

Girls like money and wealth. From the other side, it is better to earn good and find the girl understood your business. But, from the other... What is it your eternal love? You must discuss this problem with your girl first and then decide.

If she didn't like you enough to have this discussion and negotiation BEFORE committing to moving, I guess that tells me she doesn't love you as much as whatever is pulling her to this city. I would probably break up.

HOOWIE wrote:

As an advocate of longevity and mental health I would recommend just getting the hell out of NYC in general. NOBODY THEIR IS HAPPY

Why do you think people stay there?

If you are questioning that you'd be sacrificing too much, you aren't at a point you DO want to marry her, just that potentially down the road you could see yourself marrying her. And that is really a two way street, if SHE is so committed to your relationship, why wasn't this discussed BEFORE she moved?

go with the career. people will let you down every time

She already picked her career over you. That was the right choice for her, and that is the right choice for you. Married couples sometimes have to make tough decisions about moving to a new city for one spouse over the other. Single people don't have to do that, nor should they.

You are not picking a career over love. You are picking a secure future for yourself and your ultimate family, whoever that may be. You owe it to whomever becomes your future wife, this girl or another, to establish the best financial footing. We are not talking about a few thousand dollar salary reduction. We are talking about a highly successful career vs. potentially not having much of anything career-wise. Don't do that to yourself.

Starcrossed Lover wrote:

My longtime girlfriend recently moved to a Tier 2 city (think large enough to have a pro sports franchise or two) and insists that I follow her along in relatively short order. My industry doesn’t exist down there in a meaningful way and I don’t like the city itself, so the only reason I’d be moving would be to be with her.

My impression is that she wants to break up with you and wants to make sure she really socks it to you on the way. Thus she wants you to give up your profession, move away from where you're established to somewhere you don't like, and then you'll find out what she's really like. She'll dump you, and you'll be in a place you don't like with no job and no prospects.

No, I would absolutely not do that.

A good relationship is two people working together, not one person moving away and trying to give ultimatums to the other.

Stay where you are and keep doing exactly what you've been doing.

Whoever is best for you will like you for who you are, and will not try to change you.

Agree ODW is spot on. I dont think you are. Why? He used the keyword "dominant". That describes a dominant women to a T.

Not all women are like this by any imagination, but almost all dominant types are.

Worth noting that any woman that describes herself as a "strong, independent woman" is not independent. She is dominant. Independent types are those so focused on their own life and mission they dont obsess or worry over what you do. Less common for women but definitely some like that.

OP: This woman is demanding you move with her. Ask why? Not only did she just up and move away from you, but what prospects did she have that she would demand you leave. That demanding is perhaps the most concerning thing.

oldmanstillrunning wrote:

Career. Unless she's a 10 and really does dig you, then you should reconsider.

But she doesnt "really dig him". If she did she would happily, or at least agree, to move to his city. Girls that are really into you dont move to other cities and place their careers or desires ahead of yours....especially when the city itself is one you know you'll be unhappy in.

Why'd your girlfriend move away in the first place? You've omitted some crucial background info here, dude man.

Starcrossed Lover wrote:

My longtime girlfriend recently moved...

So while you were sitting on the couch, watching her pack up all her stuff and walk out the door, it didn't cross your mind that you ... no longer have a girlfriend?

And by the way this isn't a real post. You aren't in your mid-20s about to make 'partner' in NYC unless by 'partner' you mean 'part-time manager' at a Subway sandwich shop.

I used to idealize about love--that there is nothing more important, etc. In very few instances this may be true. However, I have found most people in this country, especially women are very materialistic. In part, I believe the media is responsible. If you move to city B, without some lifeline, , you could quickly find yourself in the position of being unemployed. If you stay in that situation for too long a time, she will probably dump you anyway and it will be a challenge to find someone else. If you stay and are able to accumulate $$, everyone will want you. Sad but true commentary on our society.

Jacksonville has a large naval base so it is logical to assume there is a bit of a woman shortage there. Charleston, SC used to have a large military and para military population including the Citadel and that was the situation when I was there.

Sometimes it is better to rent than to own.

At least in that situation you get to know what the price is up front.

Mid 20's, long term relationship and you are not sure if you wanna marry her? Why are you even asking this question

Always choose that special woman in your life who is your best friend, your confidant, your everything: Mom.