TLDR: We take home $11k per month, saving for a house but wife gives in-laws $500-$600 per month for play money. Should I tell her it's wasteful or let her parents enjoy life?
My in-laws are war refugees and came to America on a leaky boat. They don't speak English and made close to minimum wage their whole lives. If not for them, my wife would obviously not be here with me. Father has stopped working and mother won't be working much longer. Based on their ancestors, their expected lifespans are relatively short (70s or so) but of course health care is much better in USA. Father already had a stroke.
My wife has always supported them monetarily and I knew this before we got married. This is common in their culture. We give on average $500-600 per month. The in-laws pay for basic living expenses such as groceries, mortgage ($900) and utilities. The rest is for "wants" such as eating out, vacations, play money, car maintenance, iPhone, gym membership etc. We paid for 1/3-1/2 of their new vehicles a couple years ago. We pay any major expenses on the vehicles such as new tires and excise tax.
My wife actually owns the house they live in, so should I look at it as if the in-laws are paying us $900/mo and we're giving $500-600 back? We're not hurting for money but I always cringe when I see them blow it on material things. I was brought up to be frugal and save.
We max retirement accounts (401k, backdoor Roth IRA). We have a joint account and take home about $11,000 per month after taxes, insurance, 401k contributions. We do however live in a high cost of living area. A new home costs at least $1 million and we obviously can't afford that. We have $200k saved up for a home so our price range is $700-800k. There is a lot of competition in this price range and anything decent gets into a bidding war.
So I'm not really sure why I am posting. Should I tell my wife we should be saving more for a new house, contributing more to our kids 529 or just let her parents enjoy life before they're too old?