I think they can move in together if they are committed. They can actually move in together at any stage. The only problem I see is if they sleep in the same bed. If they are not married they shouldn't be in the same bed. They should have seperate rooms and respect eachother.
HOOWIE wrote:
I have no advice for you brah. Just wing it!
That's what I'm saying.
You can't list rules and separations of duties.
Truth is, you will cover for each other's shortcomings.
You'll find a way or you'll find you're not a match.
ummmmmm wrote:
We did discuss waiting to move in together until we get engaged. But it seems impractical and timing works out perfectly because both our leases end.
We did both grow up in conservative households (Catholic and Muslim) so our families will not be too happy about it. But both of us are not religious ourselves and don't plan to raise our kids in a particular religion.
You two are doomed!!!
Banana Bread wrote:
If they are not married they shouldn't be in the same bed.
Even married couples weren't supposed to be in the same bed back in the day.
http://www.readingreality.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/lucy-and-ricky-twin-beds.jpgIt took a while to accept couples in the same bed.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_dnmPzxbBNyU/S84G31h--fI/AAAAAAAAFAs/50FCa6byMLI/s1600/brady_den_2.jpg
The 6th Commandment
theJeff wrote:
Marriage.
The “Pretending to be Married” phenomenon is the second most destructive movements towards healthy marriage in society today. It sends the message that it is ok to back out of long term commitments, because while you enjoy many - not all - of the physical perks of marriage, there is really nothing at stake.
Moving in together is society’s version of a Finisher’s Medal.
Sh!t or get off the pot, dude.
theJeff wrote:
The issue isn't marriage. The issue is the attitude that people would marry to "see how it goes"; that it is an arbitrary "obligation to a piece of paper". That is not the purpose of marriage. Marriage = Commitment, period. We shouldn't marry until we are 100% sure that both parties have chosen to love each other, no matter what. That choice must be stronger than the whims, struggles, and infatuations that all marriages face.
Living together without marriage teaches us that it is ok to break commitments - it feels enough like marriage to make it seem as though ending a marriage is acceptable - and is essentially the Gateway Drug of divorce.
theJeff wrote:
You prefer today's societal norms of moral relativism? Where men compete as women, parents accompany their children to college, obesity is glorified?
Do you also assume that everything that was important over periods longer than 100 years is to be avoided? Or only the trends you disagree with?
theJeff wrote:
Much sadder that you do not understand the importance of legally, spiritually - whatever that means to you - and publicly declaring your lifelong commitment to the other person. Marriage isn't a straightjacket or a guilt trip, and if you see it that way, I can pretty much guarantee it wouldn't have the desired effect, anyway. Marriage IS the commitment.
My god, Jeff. You couldn't be more of a trope if you tried. Your white knighting, "pious-wanna be" attitude is so grating. You must have lived a very sheltered life and don't have many friends from other walks of life.
Living together is simply that...living together. All you're doing is committing to live with someone. Why must marriage be involved? Are you still living in black and white and the milkman still brings your milk to you? Why do you put so much unnecessary expectations on just living together? Why is living together such a big deal to you? You make me scratch my head.
People lead much different lives than you. Accept that.
To OP, listen to the people who give advice that isn't tainted with religiosity and judgement. Make common sense decisions and communicate with your partner. Being on the same page as your partner and having an open dialog will solve most of your problems.
fatima1 wrote:
The 6th Commandment
Exactly
Whose idea was it to not get married before moving in together? Yours or hers? My guess is you’re making promises you don’t know you can’t keep and saying things you don’t mean. Otherwise, you’d get married. Are you the one in grad school or is she?
https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2018/10/divorce-united-states-dropping-because-millennials/zcZxcZxcZxczxczxc wrote:
If moving in together before marriage really worked in practice, rather than just in theory, the divorce rate wouldn't be at an all-time high by a long-shot.
And for the bigger picture...
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/06/23/144-years-of-marriage-and-divorce-in-the-united-states-in-one-chart/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.b6a1698f7104MohammedAA wrote:
fatima1 wrote:
The 6th Commandment
Exactly
Is that the slaughter of Egyptian children one?
ummmmmm wrote:
My partner and I have been together about 1.5 years, and are planning to move in together in a few months. In those 1.5 years, we've lived within 10 minutes of each other and spend many nights together. We did discuss that this would be a stepping stone to marriage (something we see sometime in the future).
In general what are some things that should be discussed before moving in together? I assume things like future plans (marriage?), finances, etc. all go into this. Looking for some advice from the Letsrun folks.
Discuss the prenup. Get that out of the way early.
i have ran today to wrote:
i went on a run today wrote:
you mean discus?
The thread goes home DEVASTATED.
FOR THE WIN!
Look Out for #1 wrote:
Lots of people on this thread offering advice on a successful living arrangement, and others are trying to push marriage on you. In truth, both those approaches are outright stupid as hell. Why do you have to live together? Why would you even think about marriage? Presuming the two of you currently have a solid relationship, here is the only bit of advice that's worth anything:
If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Period.
Maintain your own residences AND your relationship. More importantly, maintain your sense of self without the hindrance of another person influencing your life 24/7. The two of you might end up having a lasting thing, but it's more likely that you will someday move in different directions. When that happens you need to be unencumbered and free to move on.
All the marriage freaks will criticize my advice, but the reality is that marriage has nothing to do with a committed relationship. It is nothing more than a legally binding business agreement that people sheepishly adhere to out of some idiotic faux-moral or religious imperative.
Don't be an idiot.
For a serious comment (and ignoring the ludicrous religious trolling, although some of it is pretty funny, and the honor killing question is a real gem), this post above ignores significant reasons to live together (& often get married):
Financial savings
Marriage/family/CHILDREN
Both of these are significant issues that many, if not most people, care about.
I doubt there is any correlation between a person living with a boyfriend/girlfriend outside of marriage and their ultimate divorce rate when they do get married.
Most of my college teammates lived with a serious girlfriend in their 20s. Some of them stayed together, some did not. Most of them, including the ones who broke up with past live in partners, are now married and apparently stable. Divorce is actua)y fairly rare among college graduates, partly because they wait longer to get married.
As a married man now, I look back on my two live in relationships with a lot of fondness. Marriage really is about kids and money. A live in relationship is about you and your partner.
To the OP, Don't pretend to be married or treat it as a trial run.Enjoy each others company and don't be petty. You will either be compatible or you wont. No amount of social negotiation is going to change how you react to day to day interactions.
marriage is not a commitment wrote:
theJeff wrote:
Marriage.
The “Pretending to be Married” phenomenon is the second most destructive movements towards healthy marriage in society today. It sends the message that it is ok to back out of long term commitments, because while you enjoy many - not all - of the physical perks of marriage, there is really nothing at stake.
Moving in together is society’s version of a Finisher’s Medal.
Sh!t or get off the pot, dude.
As long as no fault divorce exists, being married is no more of a commitment than living together unmarried.
I hope that one day your moral compass evolves beyond contemporary law.
The book said wrote:
theJeff wrote:
Relevance? (Fwiw, although I strongly believe that marriage should be a lifelong commitment between one man and one woman, I have absolutely zero issue with interracial marriage. If that was a complete troll post, I guess you win.)
Abraham had quite the side chick thing going on. To name just one.
He almost killed his son, too.
I really try to avoid dairy.
And yes, lots of folks lead lives apart from my worldview, and although mine certainly isn’t perfect, I would take mine over the stat that 50% of marriages currently end in divorce.
That's some solid letsrun philosophical reasoning right there: "Bad stuff happens, therefore I'm right"
theJeff wrote:
The issue isn't marriage. The issue is the attitude that people would marry to "see how it goes"; that it is an arbitrary "obligation to a piece of paper". That is not the purpose of marriage. Marriage = Commitment, period. We shouldn't marry until we are 100% sure that both parties have chosen to love each other, no matter what. That choice must be stronger than the whims, struggles, and infatuations that all marriages face.
Living together without marriage teaches us that it is ok to break commitments - it feels enough like marriage to make it seem as though ending a marriage is acceptable - and is essentially the Gateway Drug of divorce.
Yeah, this is actually a really good point. It illustrates the fact that if you don't understand the difference between living together and getting married, you're probably not mature enough to handle making those kinds of decisions.
RIP: D3 All-American Frank Csorba - who ran 13:56 in March - dead
Great interview with Steve Cram - says Jakob has no chance of WRs this year
RENATO can you talk about the preparation of Emile Cairess 2:06
I’m a D2 female runner. Our coach explicitly told us not to visit LetsRun forums.
2024 College Track & Field Open Coaching Positions Discussion
adizero Road to Records with Yomif Kejelcha, Agnes Ngetich, Hobbs Kessler & many more is Saturday
Hats off to my dad. He just ran a 1:42 Half Marathon and turns 75 in 2 months!
