Is it wrong to believe someone should be a stay at home Mom or Dad?

It’s your beliefs! Doesn’t mean they’re reality.

Do it for her, bruh ?

My wife was a stay at home mom for our kids. Maybe if she made a lot of money we would have put our kids in day care. I'm grateful for all she has done (talking with them when they were young, instilling values, and doing most of the housework)and she's grateful for being present at every milestone and school event. Now that I'm retired it's my turn to do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and shopping.

Alan, we live in a time where outrage is power. I think you know this. I'm not trying to make this a partisan issue, but, it largely is. There are many elements on the left side of the political spectrum that are/have been using outrage as a weapon... even against people that closely identify politically. This is why the democratic party seems to be eating itself... it claims to serve all, but any little deviation by one creates a domino effect of destruction.

As for the outrage strategies, perhaps I am wrong, but I believe there are multiple methodologies to these sorts of actions... 1) gain power thru emotional outburst, and no matter how irrational, you'll be protected by the party 2) self-relevance (the need to feel a part of something... group think/echo chamber)

I think ideally there should be one working parent and one parent at home but it doesn't matter which gender they are. I feel bad for saying this, but, it's how I feel.

Runningart2004 wrote:

I wouldn’t mind that. I can cook, clean, etc better than most men.

Alan

And probably most women too. Most chefs are men as are Janitors and people who do laundry.

An issue is a lot of stay at home parents refuse to go back to work after their kids enter school. They get too comfortable not having to deal with the demands of a normal, full time job. Not having to impress their boss, not having to deal with co-workers they don't like, not having a commute. It's really hard to leave that lifestyle for years, then go back. This puts all the financial strain on the working parent. Is it right that one partner should have to worry about paying for all expenses, fund both retirements, and fund the kid's college education while the other one sits at home all day? Doing laundry, cleaning, and making lunches is not a full time job. It can be done in the evenings and weekends. Back in the day it made sense for women to not work because they couldn't get good jobs anyway and people had large families. That's not the case anymore.

It's great if one stays at home, takes care of the kids until they enter school, then goes back to work, but that rarely happens. Then there's the lost income and career advancement from 5+ years out of the work force.

Another thing is a lot of children might be better off in daycare. They get to interact with other children and build social skills earlier than if they were only with their parent. And frankly, a lot of daycare workers are better at managing kids than parents are.

Taking care of the kids and the house IS a job. It’s just an unpaid job.

I agree that some parents are crappy and their kids are better off in daycare or really anywhere else.

Alan

If you and your partner agree then yes it is okay.

The beauty is that both parents have the choice.

My ex and I decided before getting married that we wanted kids and that she would stay at home. One, I made more money and two she had skills and connections that allowed for her to do contract work that was flexible around the kids and she wanted to return to school as well.

The plan was that she would then work part-time once the kids were in school and be home for the kids and be able to do practices and things. Well, that was the plan...

In most cases the lesser income ends up covering taxes and childcare. For some couples, the wage earner who can work more hours ends up making more money and the net is financially positive or at least neutral.

Decades ago housework took a lot longer to do. Study after study shows that women who work outside the home end up doing the brunt of the housekeeping work even in a marriage.

There are plenty of opportunities for kids to interact with other kids. Many stay at home parents put kids in daycare one or two days a week.

Plus, with all the kids in daycare the social skills are still issues but for reasons that go beyond that.

There is nothing wrong with a stay at home Mom or Dad, in fact I feel it should be encouraged. Unfortunately society has swung away from that model. So, if you opt for it you are going against the grain.

1) Men are still expected to be the principle bread winner. Staying at home is unmanly.

2) Women are primarily judged by their career. Staying at home is a failure.

3) The consumer society measures us by the size of our house and the price of our car(s).

4) Housing prices have responded to the two income family model. One salary is needed just to pay the mortgage.

As immigrants with no family infrastructure to fall back on, we opted for the stay at home model. We have no regrets and would do it again. Though at the time a feminist friend was shocked, she said women have fought years for the right to work. My wife replied, no we have fought years for the right to choose.

track chick wrote:

I think ideally there should be one working parent and one parent at home but it doesn't matter which gender they are. I feel bad for saying this, but, it's how I feel.

I agree with this. My wife and I took turns in this role. I was first. Both kids are in college now. The bond I have with our first born is unique because of it. If you can do it (some can't, I understand) you will not regret it.

How many parents drop their precious 2 year old off with someone for 10 hours per day that they wouldn’t loan their car to for a day? Parents don’t really care about the children or one would raise them. It is the best thing for the children.

Dumb parents wrote:

How many parents drop their precious 2 year old off with someone for 10 hours per day that they wouldn’t loan their car to for a day? Parents don’t really care about the children or one would raise them. It is the best thing for the children.

That’s unfair. In many instances it’s not a choice it’s a necessity. Most of the time the incoming bills require it. We were either smart or lucky that we lived well under our means while she was working, then I worked two jobs while she was pregnant. Then I lost my job and joined the Army. Best. Decision. Ever. I should have lost my job a long time ago lol.

Alan

Also, it's not like the stay-at-home parent's work goes away once the kids are in school. With one or two kids it will decrease a lot. But if you have more kids, a few years later you will find yourself with kids at 3 different schools, on all different schedules, in a town without a school bus system and schools that are too far to walk to. Getting everyone to school takes hours, and then more hours in the afternoon (and/or evening if any of the kids have sports or music practice). Meanwhile one kids has a dentist's appointment, another has a parent-teacher conference, and another needs a parent to come watch their in-class activity.

In that situation, do not ask your stay-at-home spouse to go look for a job so they can earn money in their "free" time. They won't appreciate it.

There is more money being fed into the economy if both parents feel compelled to work.

I sometimes wonder if there was a more nefarious interest post war pushing the concept of a mother working as having "equality" rather than raising your own children counting for something worthwhile to reach that goal.

Conned out of bringing up your own kids?

The bus comes at close to 8 and drops off at 3. Not too many jobs with those hours, especially if you still have to commute.

The only sensible solution to being a stay at home parent who also works is something done from home.

Banana Beard wrote:

There is more money being fed into the economy if both parents feel compelled to work.

I sometimes wonder if there was a more nefarious interest post war pushing the concept of a mother working as having "equality" rather than raising your own children counting for something worthwhile to reach that goal.

Conned out of bringing up your own kids?

You're basically defining feminism in the west, communism in the east. Either way the state consolidates power and influence for the win.

Definitely, parents should have a choice in whether one or both of the parents stays at home to raise their kids.

One reason to send kids to day care though is for both parents to continue with their careers. Asking one of the parents to put aside their work for 5+ years is a career-killer. It would be like asking an athlete to sit out for multiple years and expect they’d pick up where they left off.

Don’t have kids if you don’t want to care for kids. If you are worried about career or don’t want to live without things, live without kids. Parents will live about 60 years of their child’s lifetime but only have real impact and full time interaction the first 5 years of their life and some of you don’t want to make that 5 year commitment.