Lone moran, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the tunneling electron microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Loan moran, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem.
See women are all the same. They all don't want you to talk to them while running. They all want you for only your money. End of thread.
If you said "don't do it," you need to read this.
There are almost no bad times or places to approach women, just bad methods.
This is one of the first thing I teach men in my classes because so many of them eliminate half their opportunities with silly rules about when you shouldn't talk to a woman. If you do end up annoying someone, that is their problem, not yours.
Obviously you don't approach the woman sprinting on the track with earbuds, but to say there is never a good way is just wrong.
I'll give you one example. For the sake of this example let's assume you are attractive, you are comfortable talking to women you don't know, and you can read cues. Ladies -- if there are any here -- pretend that the guy in this example is someone you are dating or would like to date.
You come up behind a woman who seems to be running without great effort. You notice that the people she passes by are smiling at her, which means she is likely smiling at them. That lets you know that she is friendly and not avoiding contact.
Think about what you want to say. You will start with one simple question. Don't go for something open ended because she is running and you want to give her an easy out.
Wait until you are half a stride ahead of her so you don't scare her and then ask your question. Wait for her answer and then respond to her answer with a statement, not another question. If she doesn't ask you a question or make an effort to continue the conversation you tell her to have a good run and move along. Don't sprint away. She just wants to you be good looking and not smell, she doesn't care how fast you are.
Here's a somewhat corny conversation example.
You: Hey, are those the new vaporflys?
Her: Yup
You: I've been thinking about getting a pair. I figure if my morning runs are 4% faster maybe I won't always be late for work.
Hopefully at this point she will continue the conversion. If she just fake laughs, move along. Don't be tempted to ask her what she thinks of the shoe. That's fine for after a race, but not during a run.
Also, don't go into it thinking you are going to get a date. To be successful you have to not care what the outcome is.
Lone moran wrote:
I’m a lonely post grad runner in a mid sized city. I’ve been through the mill on online dating, over 25 dates in the last few months and nothing really clicked. In college I exclusively dated runners and I think that’s what I still need. Only trouble is it’s tough to find women that are serious runners in my city. I’ve seen a few cuties keeping up a good pace, but I’m hesitant to approach them. They’re out there to work out, not to be picked up. Still, I’m wondering if there’s a way to make a connection with someone I pass by on a run. Help me letsrun youre my only hope
I can't remember ever picking up a woman while running. -That doesn't mean I haven't tried. I've shared this story before. A woman was walking a loop trail with two friends, a couple, and I could tell she was 1) pretty, 2) Swedish.
So on next passing, I asked her if she was from Sweden. She seemed surprsied. I'd guessed write. Next pass, I asked her to dinner. She said she was flying home the next day, so I offered to take her to the airport, lol. No go. But gave myself props for giving it a go.
Here's the thing, do not try and chat up a woman while she's running. You can say "hi," just "hi."
If a woman wants to meet you and talk with you for some reason, She'll say "hi," first. Or, she'll ask a question of some sort. Then you can ask her ...whatever... if you'd like to meet her.
Otherwise realize that most women alone would prefer to be left alone, and would prefer if you gave them an extra wide berth to pass and made things as safe for them as possible.
This cannot be underestimated.
Understanding women, this is what I do, even when I am walking... If they are running on the sidewalk, I step out to the in the street a little and let them pass, and I make sure I do it in a way where they won't worry I'm going to turn back and be any kind of threat.
As has been pointed out on these boards in the past, on some level women have to be alert or vigilent when out in public solo or not in a safer group situation.
Gentlemen, make it as safe as possible out there for your sister runners.
mancoach wrote:
If you said "don't do it," you need to read this.
There are almost no bad times or places to approach women, just bad methods.
This is one of the first thing I teach men in my classes because so many of them eliminate half their opportunities with silly rules about when you shouldn't talk to a woman. If you do end up annoying someone, that is their problem, not yours.
Obviously you don't approach the woman sprinting on the track with earbuds, but to say there is never a good way is just wrong.
I'll give you one example. For the sake of this example let's assume you are attractive, you are comfortable talking to women you don't know, and you can read cues. Ladies -- if there are any here -- pretend that the guy in this example is someone you are dating or would like to date.
You come up behind a woman who seems to be running without great effort. You notice that the people she passes by are smiling at her, which means she is likely smiling at them. That lets you know that she is friendly and not avoiding contact.
Think about what you want to say. You will start with one simple question. Don't go for something open ended because she is running and you want to give her an easy out.
Wait until you are half a stride ahead of her so you don't scare her and then ask your question. Wait for her answer and then respond to her answer with a statement, not another question. If she doesn't ask you a question or make an effort to continue the conversation you tell her to have a good run and move along. Don't sprint away. She just wants to you be good looking and not smell, she doesn't care how fast you are.
Here's a somewhat corny conversation example.
You: Hey, are those the new vaporflys?
Her: Yup
You: I've been thinking about getting a pair. I figure if my morning runs are 4% faster maybe I won't always be late for work.
Hopefully at this point she will continue the conversion. If she just fake laughs, move along. Don't be tempted to ask her what she thinks of the shoe. That's fine for after a race, but not during a run.
Also, don't go into it thinking you are going to get a date. To be successful you have to not care what the outcome is.
is just a fancy way of saying "hello," which is okay. The key part here is to leave it if she doesn't strike up a convo.
[quote]Hey kitty girl wrote:
Dating a fellow runner is great and I say talk to women in the right circumstances. Learn some social cues. What it comes down to is this:
1) Never, ever on a run. We are absolutely focused and not interested in striking up a conversation for a date.
While not downplaying how creepy or even dangerous some men can be, when women say things like this -and it could be any public situation, not just a run- what they really mean is "We are absolutely focused and not interested in striking up a conversation for a date with a guy we find unattractive." Replace that dweeb with Ryan Gosling or Bradley Cooper or Brad Pitt or someone else of that ilk and suddenly those same women don't mind breaking their focus and will be intensely interested in striking up a conversation for a date; they'll be charmed.
I was once on a New York City subway train when a guy got on and sat down next to a woman who was sitting across from me. He engaged her in conversation, she responded positively, and in under two minutes, no exaggeration, she was agreeing to get off the train with him at the next stop for coffee. One of the damndest things I've ever seen. I was stunned, and so were the other subway riders near me who formed a captive audience to this. That approach -in a confined space like a subway car, no less- usually works about as well as Ric Flair going to the top turnbuckle, yet this time it did. Why? Because that woman found that stranger attractive. If, on the other hand, she'd found him hideous, even if his approach and conversation were exactly the same she would've disdainfully told her co-workers the next day about "the creep" who tried to "hit on" her in the subway.
Frasier Crane wrote:
Lone moran, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the tunneling electron microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Loan moran, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem.
Nor would it find your:
Brain
Heart
Penis
Intelligence
Or
Compassion
Once Burned wrote:
what they really mean is "We are absolutely focused and not interested in striking up a conversation for a date with a guy we find unattractive." Replace that dweeb with Ryan Gosling or Bradley Cooper or Brad Pitt or someone else of that ilk and suddenly those same women don't mind breaking their focus and will be intensely interested in striking up a conversation for a date; they'll be charmed.
You are missing the point. Regardless of how attractive a man is, we may still fear him and his approach. In this scenario, it isn't about his looks.
Once Burned wrote:
I was once on a New York City subway train when a guy got on and sat down next to a woman who was sitting across from me. He engaged her in conversation, she responded positively, and in under two minutes, no exaggeration, she was agreeing to get off the train with him at the next stop for coffee. One of the damndest things I've ever seen. I was stunned, and so were the other subway riders near me who formed a captive audience to this. That approach -in a confined space like a subway car, no less- usually works about as well as Ric Flair going to the top turnbuckle, yet this time it did. Why? Because that woman found that stranger attractive. If, on the other hand, she'd found him hideous, even if his approach and conversation were exactly the same she would've disdainfully told her co-workers the next day about "the creep" who tried to "hit on" her in the subway.
This is an entirely DIFFERENT scenario, though. I have two friends who have met guys this way as well; one dated him, one just slept with him. This isn't surprising in the least. Riding a train together is NOT the same as trying to pick up a woman who is out running.
I don't think you are understanding the distinction.
Lhgfetujcs wrote:
Frasier Crane wrote:
Lone moran, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the tunneling electron microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Loan moran, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem.
Nor would it find your:
Brain
Heart
Penis
Intelligence
Or
Compassion
Oh I'm sorry, was I snippy?
mancoach wrote:
If you said "don't do it," you need to read this.
There are almost no bad times or places to approach women, just bad methods.
This is one of the first thing I teach men in my classes because so many of them eliminate half their opportunities with silly rules about when you shouldn't talk to a woman. If you do end up annoying someone, that is their problem, not yours.
Obviously you don't approach the woman sprinting on the track with earbuds, but to say there is never a good way is just wrong.
I'll give you one example. For the sake of this example let's assume you are attractive, you are comfortable talking to women you don't know, and you can read cues. Ladies -- if there are any here -- pretend that the guy in this example is someone you are dating or would like to date.
You come up behind a woman who seems to be running without great effort. You notice that the people she passes by are smiling at her, which means she is likely smiling at them. That lets you know that she is friendly and not avoiding contact.
Think about what you want to say. You will start with one simple question. Don't go for something open ended because she is running and you want to give her an easy out.
Wait until you are half a stride ahead of her so you don't scare her and then ask your question. Wait for her answer and then respond to her answer with a statement, not another question. If she doesn't ask you a question or make an effort to continue the conversation you tell her to have a good run and move along. Don't sprint away. She just wants to you be good looking and not smell, she doesn't care how fast you are.
Here's a somewhat corny conversation example.
You: Hey, are those the new vaporflys?
Her: Yup
You: I've been thinking about getting a pair. I figure if my morning runs are 4% faster maybe I won't always be late for work.
Hopefully at this point she will continue the conversion. If she just fake laughs, move along. Don't be tempted to ask her what she thinks of the shoe. That's fine for after a race, but not during a run.
Also, don't go into it thinking you are going to get a date. To be successful you have to not care what the outcome is.
Thanks. This was very helpful. I've been one of those guys that follow the "rules" about not talking. I think I'm going to try to be a little more bold. You inspired me!
Hey Kitty Girl wrote:
Once Burned wrote:
what they really mean is "We are absolutely focused and not interested in striking up a conversation for a date with a guy we find unattractive." Replace that dweeb with Ryan Gosling or Bradley Cooper or Brad Pitt or someone else of that ilk and suddenly those same women don't mind breaking their focus and will be intensely interested in striking up a conversation for a date; they'll be charmed.
You are missing the point. Regardless of how attractive a man is, we may still fear him and his approach. In this scenario, it isn't about his looks.
Once Burned wrote:
I was once on a New York City subway train when a guy got on and sat down next to a woman who was sitting across from me. He engaged her in conversation, she responded positively, and in under two minutes, no exaggeration, she was agreeing to get off the train with him at the next stop for coffee. One of the damndest things I've ever seen. I was stunned, and so were the other subway riders near me who formed a captive audience to this. That approach -in a confined space like a subway car, no less- usually works about as well as Ric Flair going to the top turnbuckle, yet this time it did. Why? Because that woman found that stranger attractive. If, on the other hand, she'd found him hideous, even if his approach and conversation were exactly the same she would've disdainfully told her co-workers the next day about "the creep" who tried to "hit on" her in the subway.
This is an entirely DIFFERENT scenario, though. I have two friends who have met guys this way as well; one dated him, one just slept with him. This isn't surprising in the least. Riding a train together is NOT the same as trying to pick up a woman who is out running.
I don't think you are understanding the distinction.
I'm not missing the point at all, nor am I failing to make a distinction. Fear is engendered by variety of factors that stimulate the senses, and a major factor is physical attractiveness or lack thereof; to say otherwise is disingenuous. You're much more likely to have a positive and trusting response to someone you think is good-looking.
The subway train scenario is a textbook example of the type of situation where men are told to not approach women, and can be just as fraught with tension and fear as being out on a run; a woman in this case has to deal with physical proximity to a complete stranger making an unsolicited approach in a confined space from which there is literally no escape (until the next station), and her interaction with this stranger is "on stage," so to speak, whether she condones it or not, in front of an audience of complete strangers who can't necessarily be relied on for assistance if need be.
If your two friends had been approached on their trains by Quasimodo and John Merrick, respectively, instead of two lookers, they would've had completely different, and far more negative, perceptions of those situations.
Why would I talk to a woman while I am running? I am focusing on my run. If she's interested, I'll let her approach me. Otherwise, I've got business to take care of.
Once Burned wrote:
Fear is engendered by variety of factors that stimulate the senses, and a major factor is physical attractiveness or lack thereof; to say otherwise is disingenuous. You're much more likely to have a positive and trusting response to someone you think is good-looking.
No one is saying otherwise. What women ARE saying is that there is a time and a place for when to approach us. While we are running is not one of them, regardless of how attractive you may be.
Once Burned wrote:
The subway train scenario is a textbook example of the type of situation where men are told to not approach women, and can be just as fraught with tension and fear as being out on a run; a woman in this case has to deal with physical proximity to a complete stranger making an unsolicited approach in a confined space from which there is literally no escape (until the next station), and her interaction with this stranger is "on stage," so to speak, whether she condones it or not, in front of an audience of complete strangers who can't necessarily be relied on for assistance if need be.
If your two friends had been approached on their trains by Quasimodo and John Merrick, respectively, instead of two lookers, they would've had completely different, and far more negative, perceptions of those situations.
I wouldn’t tell a man that the subway is a place not to approach women; I would simply tell him a woman may not be in a good mindset after work/stuck on the subway but especially if there are other people around, go for it. If she shuts you down, be respectful and stop.
I don’t know how else to explain it to you but you still seem to be missing the point. Let me try to put it clearer for you: women are fearful of being murdered or raped by men because of the strength difference. They warily regard every man regardless of appearance. They are also constantly harassed several times per day, occasionally fearing for their lives.
Being approached while on a run is a) a nuisance and a bother but more importantly b) scary and threatening.
Being approached on the subway is a) fine so long as you are not harassing us/not taking no for an answer; this is especially true if there are other people around which provides more of a sense of security vs being the only two people on a train.
1. Is there day light?
2. Jogging , not running?
3. Wearing lipstick/colored gloss?
4. Jogging in a super popular place or running scene area?
5. Outfit choice, more nightclub than runner?
6. Are legs shaved?
7. Is there a dog?
8. Is there day light?
If any of these are yes, " I like your trucker hat!" is the perfect opener
Hey Kitty Girl wrote:
I don’t know how else to explain it to you but you still seem to be missing the point. Let me try to put it clearer for you: women are fearful of being murdered or raped by men because of the strength difference. They warily regard every man regardless of appearance. They are also constantly harassed several times per day, occasionally fearing for their lives.
Being approached while on a run is a) a nuisance and a bother but more importantly b) scary and threatening.
.
Here is a serious post. I was out drinking with some co-workers recently and I was having some fun messing with them about my age, so my female co-workers tried to reach into my back pocket and grab my wallet for my ID. My butt was grabbed multiple times. It was very easy for me grab their hands or arms and stop their advances. I did not feel threatened at all. It was quite fun and flattering, actually.
Now if I was one the one doing the butt grabbing, complete different story. I could easily overpower them and it's not okay. And women get weird looks or approaches from guys on the street multiple times a day. That's the short of why women feel easily scared or threatened if you creep on them.
Hey Kitty Girl wrote:
I don’t know how else to explain it to you but you still seem to be missing the point. Let me try to put it clearer for you: women are fearful of being murdered or raped by men because of the strength difference. They warily regard every man regardless of appearance. They are also constantly harassed several times per day, occasionally fearing for their lives.
Being approached while on a run is a) a nuisance and a bother but more importantly b) scary and threatening.
.
Hey most women weigh more than I do, and I am a fully grown man. I am way more afraid of you than you are of me. In fact I am so afraid of women they cripple me with anxiety.
check4ObviousSigns wrote:
1. Is there day light?
2. Jogging , not running?
3. Wearing lipstick/colored gloss?
4. Jogging in a super popular place or running scene area?
5. Outfit choice, more nightclub than runner?
6. Are legs shaved?
7. Is there a dog?
8. Is there day light?
If any of these are yes, " I like your trucker hat!" is the perfect opener
I’m a friendly person. Born and raised in a friendly city where *not* saying howdy would be creepy. But isn’t running alone the point of (a) running and (b) alone? So:
1. Nope, not automatically an invitation. Wait first to check off 2-6.
2. Could be a post-injury jog but OK, it’s likely not a MP run. Go for it.
3-5. Definitely go for it.
6. We shave our legs for our spouses and general public, too. Not an invitation.
7. My dog (RiP) was a fast marathoner. Still not an invitation.
8. If any of 3-6 were yeses, proceed.
If I had a dime for every basic courtesy nod I’ve offered being misinterpreted as a go ahead to interrupt my run I’d have a trucker hat for every day of the week.
fully grown male runner wrote:
Hey most women weigh more than I do, and I am a fully grown man. I am way more afraid of you than you are of me. In fact I am so afraid of women they cripple me with anxiety.
Bro don’t be dumb. Not a good comparison. An average man is probably stronger than most above average women. On top of that men aren’t at the same risk of being raped by a woman when out in public. I get that ur trying to b funny but it just reads as childish man.
I like this comment.
But if you are an experienced runner you could consider
taking a community college course in what they now call, "Exercise Science",
they have a myriad of courses
Beginning Aerobic Walking-Fit-Well
Beginning Indoor Cycling
Beginning Fitness Boot Camp
Beginning Swimming, and so forth.
But you can take each one three times (3) Beg. (3) Inter. (3) Advanced.
In the Walking fitness you can pair up with like minded. Met some really
nice women (who were married) but choose to run with me, and have
met some women who were really good swimmers. FYI
You sorry excuses for men have good reason to be anxious about approaching a woman and interrupting her day with your idiocy. Ask yourself, do you have ulterior motives that are less than honorable?
If yes, just don't. Thank you in advance.
If no, ask yourself will the interruption be worth her time and energy? Her response: it better be or expect to receive my wrath.
Good day!