Guys, this really doesn't seem like a troll post to me. Some high school coaches really are this stupid.
Send him the article about why Wejo sucked in college.
Maybe go through the numbers with him a bit. You've already figured it out yourself -- tempo pace is 1-hour race pace, your runs are longer than that so it's simply impossible, the girls are running their tempo runs only ten seconds a mile faster than their easy runs, the coach is turning the tempo days into the easy days, etc.
At the end of the day, your coach is either going to listen to reason or he's not. But it sounds like you haven't decided if he can be reasoned with, so try to do your best on that front.
If he stays irrational, then you'll have to decide what to do. You could listen to him and run like crap, or find ways to take it easy sometimes, or get some knowledgeable parents involved.
Honestly, running 8 minute miles isn't the end of the world. You can find days to run slower on your own, and you'll get faster and it'll get easier. A lot of high school kids do this kind of dumb training so it isn't totally impossible, but we all agree with you that your coach is an idiot.