Reporting my brother to child protective services?

Whatever you do, don't confront him about it yourself first before doing anything else. You wouldn't want to be mistaken for a reasonable human being.

So, your parents are around then? Then, not your problem kid - it is your parent's house, and their 'problem'. The baby is related to you, and all your sympathy should go to him/her. Your brother sounds like a loser, but your lack of sympathy for your own blood is telling lots about your own selfishness and narcissism. Maybe you are still too immature to deal with a grown-up situation. Not your house, not your responsibility in any case.

This. You are 19 and it isn't your house. If your parents let your brother do this then that is their call. If you don't like it you can move out. You are 19 years old. I moved out at 18 for college and never moved back in. Also, its your nephew your should care enough about him not to call CPS. Sure be annoyed at your lazy brother (I have one of those too) but leave your nephew out of it. Calling CPS because having to take care of your nephew is inconveniencing you is the most immature thing I have heard all day.

Why are you assuming that a high school kid is 19?

That is my mistake. I was reading something else today and brought information from the wrong conversation into this one. He just said High Schooler. If he is a young High Schooler that gives him even less agency in this conversation. Everything I said applies except the moving out.

CPS reporting is anonymous. You aren't a mandatory reporter also. I'd call your brother and sister-in-law out hard and threaten it. That'd wake them up.

Or you can call CPS and then may the person who ends up with custody of the child since they need a safe home! jokes on you!!

but seriously. tell your bro whats up!

colder and wiser wrote:

No, do not call CPS. There is a typical human solution that generally works well: discuss the issue with all involved like rational adults.

Since you're in HS and not an adult, you talk to your parents. Your parents talk to your brother and his wife, and possibly to you, too. Everyone is calm and rational and comes up with a solution that works best for everyone involved. It will probably involve them asking your parents to keep an eye on Junior for a moment, and some babysitting on your part. Don't be a jerk about it. In a couple years, you'll probably need your parents' help sometimes, too, so try to be mature about it now.

Bingo! And Bingo some more.

Sorry kid, you don't make the rules since you're living with your parents under their roof. If you don't like the situation, then talk to your parents about it.

You're the kid's uncle and are responsible for him when his own parents leave if there's no one else home. No, it is not like leaving him at a park. If they can't be responsible, you and others in the family need to be. The boy doesn't deserve CPS.

1) Talk to your parents and brother to make sure everyone is on the same page.

2) If you are uncomfortable with how the kid is being treated and talking to those involved (multiple times) hasn't improved the situation, ABSOLUTELY call CPS.

Kids are neglected every day because people are afraid to stir the pot. They aren't just going to yank the kid away, but it could be a meaningful wakeup call for the parents.

Talk to everyone first, tell your parents what you intend to do, maybe have a plan to move out.

Don't condemn a helpless child to neglect because you're afraid to do something about it. That's what being an adult is about, making the hard, but correct, choice.

Calling CPS will just make things worse for everyone. You will screw your relationships with your brothers family at best. At worst outcome they will lose a child and the child will lose his parents. What you need to do however is to stand up as a man and talk about it with your brother. But talk solely with him when you both are alone. You don't know the reasons why this is happening and acting before knowing entire situation in full is just plain stupid. As a father of two small kids I can say that sometimes parents need time alone to not go nuts. When you will have kids you'll understand. It might be that your brother just thought that everyone likes the things as they are and never thought that anyone gets annoyed

I don't get everyone sympathizing with the parents here.

You cannot leave a small child alone without arranging for supervision.

It seems clear they are not arranging for supervision.

TALK to parents, talk to your parents, try to figure out if you are missing something.

If they refuse to better their behavior, you have no choice but to call CPS. This isn't about family relationships, this is about the well-being of another, defenseless, human.

qw wrote:

Calling CPS will just make things worse for everyone. You will screw your relationships with your brothers family at best. At worst outcome they will lose a child and the child will lose his parents. What you need to do however is to stand up as a man and talk about it with your brother. But talk solely with him when you both are alone. You don't know the reasons why this is happening and acting before knowing entire situation in full is just plain stupid. As a father of two small kids I can say that sometimes parents need time alone to not go nuts. When you will have kids you'll understand. It might be that your brother just thought that everyone likes the things as they are and never thought that anyone gets annoyed

Listen to this advice. Do not call CPS at all, and if you must, only do so after numerous interventions and some warning signs from the kids.

My father ended up reporting his brother to CPS inadvertently. It's a long story, but essentially brother's kids stayed with their grandparents with whom they rarely stayed. They made some weird comments about "what would you do if we did this, would you hit us like mom," etc. Grandparents told my father, who didnt really know what to do. He, in hindsight stupidly, asked a friend who is a psychologist if he thought this type of question was a sign of abuse and the psychologist by law had to report. It essentially ended the brother's relationship with his siblings and his parents. Twenty years later it is only just getting better and that really is only as the parents have gotten sick.

CPS might not actually do anything. But they will create a record. And that isn't to be taken lightly. If you can help it - and you can because you are family - you shouldnt call CPS until you absolutely have to. Not just because some things you see dont see right to you.

Now for some context on your brother's behavior: No, your brother should not be doing what he's doing. But he isnt leaving the kids by themselves. And I know plenty of grown, responsible adults who are pretty good parents for the most party who peace out as soon as they are at their parents house and have "free babysitting with grandma." In all likelihood your brother and his GF are really stressed out by their life circumstances and moving back home, while financially advantageous, is giving them a sense of freedom that they have lost. No its not totally mature, but when you have a kid, no matter how old or mature or together you have it, you mourn the loss of the freedom you had before having a kid. I can only imagine how that loss would feel having a kid as early as your brother, before you are ready. He is probably going through a lot right now. Im sure a conversation that shows your empathy towards him would go along way - I am sure this transition is really challenging for you. Can I watch the kid one night or afternoon a month so you guys can hang out with people your age (and not feel like your life is totally over)? Then maybe later ask him to give you all a heads up before they take off and leave you unexpectedly babysitting.

Good luck to all involved.

Yes, of course you call, but you need to set it up first. You will start by getting a baby monitor if they don't already own one. Then the next time they leave the kid with you without asking you leave the house but stay in range with the monitor so you can make sure nothing bad happens and you call the F-ing police and say you hear a child crying, but it looks like nobody is home. Then you wait for the cops to show up. If they break in, great, you win. If they don't you ditch the monitor and walk towards the house as you see them walking away and ask them what the problem is. They will tell you that they are doing a welfare check and you say, "Oh no, did my brother leave his baby home alone again?"

Harambe wrote:

I don't get everyone sympathizing with the parents here.

You cannot leave a small child alone without arranging for supervision.

It seems clear they are not arranging for supervision.

TALK to parents, talk to your parents, try to figure out if you are missing something.

If they refuse to better their behavior, you have no choice but to call CPS. This isn't about family relationships, this is about the well-being of another, defenseless, human.

People drastically overestimate the authority and willpower of CPS/DHS/ etc to actually do anything in all but the most extreme cases. For better or worse this is because crappy parents, even fairly abusive and neglectful ones, are on average better for the child than foster homes or state care.

The situation described by the OP would get no action from CPS and or law enforcement. If parents leave a child in a safe coliving situation they may be freeloading relatives but they aren't necessarily neglectful in a legal sense. At most, CPS takes a report and tells everybody to work on communicating better.

CPS will only forcibly remove a child from parents when

Physical abuse causes broken bones, severe bleeding, etc

Sexual abuse is obvious

Neglect rises to the level where the child is clinically malnourished or repeatedly found wandering the streets.

Most children end up in foster care when the parents simply disappear, die, or go to jail. If the parents or other competent relatives are around in any sense the kid stays where he is.

hoorayitsskiseason wrote:

So, your parents are around then? Then, not your problem kid - it is your parent's house, and their 'problem'. The baby is related to you, and all your sympathy should go to him/her. Your brother sounds like a loser, but your lack of sympathy for your own blood is telling lots about your own selfishness and narcissism.

He IS being sympathetic to his nephew, which is why he's concerned. What would you do, just ignore him.

Heisright wrote:

Calling CPS because having to take care of your nephew is inconveniencing you is the most immature thing I have heard all day.

Wrong, because he doesn't have to take care of his nephew.

However, when he comes on and his nephew is the only one there, he is rightfully concerned for his welfare.

Morons Alert ` wrote:

hoorayitsskiseason wrote:

So, your parents are around then? Then, not your problem kid - it is your parent's house, and their 'problem'. The baby is related to you, and all your sympathy should go to him/her. Your brother sounds like a loser, but your lack of sympathy for your own blood is telling lots about your own selfishness and narcissism.

He IS being sympathetic to his nephew, which is why he's concerned. What would you do, just ignore him.

Heisright wrote:

Calling CPS because having to take care of your nephew is inconveniencing you is the most immature thing I have heard all day.

Wrong, because he doesn't have to take care of his nephew.

However, when he comes on and his nephew is the only one there, he is rightfully concerned for his welfare.

The way I read it he was home with more than one person when the nephew came down stairs. He specifically stated "we" went looking for the brother and couldn't find him. That implies multiple people were home. That is not a call CPS situation. That is a have your mom and dad talk to your deadbeat lazy brother situation.

I should qualify what I said. OP if he is ditching your nephew while your parents are not home that is a huge problem. You are not an adult and he is supposed to be, you should not be expected to check on your nephew just in case he blew him off. If he is doing it when your parents are home then I am sure they are aware of it and they have decided they are ok with it or don't want to deal with it. There isn't anything you can do about it in that case and calling CPS will get you no where.

However, if he is doing it and your parents don't know you need to tell them right away. That is incredibly dangerous. In that case I can see why you would consider calling CPS. Calling CPS is a big step and they generally only intervene in extreme cases. This is something your parents need to deal with. They can't do anything about something they are not aware of though.

Harambe wrote:

I don't get everyone sympathizing with the parents here.

You cannot leave a small child alone without arranging for supervision.

It seems clear they are not arranging for supervision.

TALK to parents, talk to your parents, try to figure out if you are missing something.

If they refuse to better their behavior, you have no choice but to call CPS. This isn't about family relationships, this is about the well-being of another, defenseless, human.

This is very simple. 1) Obviously you don't just call the cops or CPS on your brother without:

2) Talking to him and your parents at the same time. I'd approach your parents first, tell them your concerns and ask them to arrange a meeting.

3) If at the meeting, he doesn't agree, tell him the next time he leaves the kid there without asking for someone to help, you will call CPS.