Lacking details ` wrote:
What city is the job in?
Why doesn't he want to move there?
Chicago.
Lacking details ` wrote:
What city is the job in?
Why doesn't he want to move there?
Chicago.
Lacking details ` wrote:
What city is the job in?
Why doesn't he want to move there?
The Dad wrote:
Chicago.
My impression is that you don't listen to your son, and don't communicate very well. You need to have two way conversations to be able to communicate.
Are you supporting him in any way?
If so, cut him off. He will take the $30/hr job. If not, good. But keep this mind. A lot of young people now don't care about money. They care about being happy and derive very little happiness from money. Perhaps because they've never had money to experience how happy money makes you.
Is he an artist or an aspiring artist?
If so, then he wants to do whatever art medium he loves and would rather be happy doing "art" than being miserable making more money. If not, then I dunno.
My guess is throughout his life you've pushed him to do certain things that he didn't want to do. Now he's rebelling. I'd say bring it up very subtly every now and then. Say things like "how do you like trains?" Or, "$30/hr would buy you a nice _____." Fill in the blank with something he tells you he wants.
pac-12 friday night wrote:
As someone who moved all the way across the country for work to an area where I knew nobody, it is harder than you might expect. The first year before I found long term friends was very lonely and not good for my mental state. Maybe you can try being more supportive of his choices.
I have moved countries 6 times, and cross-country (i.e. CA/NYC) multiple times for work. You need to toughen up or get out of your shell.
kartelite wrote:
pac-12 friday night wrote:As someone who moved all the way across the country for work to an area where I knew nobody, it is harder than you might expect. The first year before I found long term friends was very lonely and not good for my mental state. Maybe you can try being more supportive of his choices.
I have moved countries 6 times, and cross-country (i.e. CA/NYC) multiple times for work. You need to toughen up or get out of your shell.
6 times? That almost deserves another thread what is your line of work?
I can relate to your pain. I have a 30 year old son with a degree but he stutters,
When he was a kid we had him at at speech therapist and it wasn't too bad.
As an adult he refuses to go and it has really limited his economic opportunities. I've offered to pay and still nothing on his end. He made a friend at work {restaurant} who teaches at a private school who said he could get him a job as a private boarding school teacher. Nope won't even try.
I've learned that I care more about this issue then he does so I need to back off..after I get him out of my house.
If you could understand context you would see I implied that I am fine now, because I am. Thanks for telling me to toughen up though! But, that first year was very difficult. More power to you if you don't think moving to a place where you don't know a single person isn't hard. Especially if you don't have a built in solution to finding friends like moving for college or to a job where you work with people who can become friends rather than just coworkers.
If you have really moved to six different countries for work and don't think it is difficult and socially isolating you are either an extreme outlier or you are in an industry where other people are doing the same thing so it is easy to connect with them. I'm not even an introvert, and it would have been ever tougher if I was.
Railroad worker here. The money is nice but the industry as a whole is lurching forward towards automation and new management philosophies (look up a certain Mr Hunter Harrison if you care to learn more), and will look very different in the next 5-10 years with far fewer workers. Believe me, the modern day class 1 railroads are just looking for warm bodies and absolutely do not care about their workers or about safety. Railroad retirement could potentially be cushy as hell but your son is 30+ years away from collecting on that (if it even exists at that point) so I wouldn't encourage him to make a huge life decision just based on that.
But unless your son has some immediately better prospects, I would still encourage him to give it a shot. He can learn what real money is, see a new part of this great country, meet a kind of people he would certainly never meet otherwise, and in general have the kind of adventure that young people really ought to try to have. There's nothing stopping him from leaving after six months or a year if he really hates it.
I don't believe you. This must be trolling.
No 23 year old in his right mind would rather live in the Twin Cities than Chicago. He doesn't "know anyone" there? There are millions of people!!
Now, if he was 43, I could see wanting to live in Minnesota. Illinois as a state is a terrible place to race as a family right now. No money, consistently corrupt government, etc.
But for a young dude? The city is where it's at. Either you're trolling or there's something fundamentally wrong with your son.
I can think of about 20 or so young guys in the Midwest who would love to take that job. And I'm sure they would be better at it than your slacker son.
Tell him to take out his tampon and just go.
firefighter restaurant wrote:
Is the railroad job city in a total shithole? Tell us the city.
There is no place in the U.S. so horrible where someone without a 4 year degree would turn down a $60K job with bennies. That is just plain stupid. Btw, even if the area is a 'total shithole', you don't have to live where you work. I know guys who have a mortgage and family making less than that. Sounds to me like he doesn't want to give up his lifestyle or in other words does not want to grow up.
Omar wrote:
I can relate to your pain. I have a 30 year old son with a degree but he stutters,
When he was a kid we had him at at speech therapist and it wasn't too bad.
As an adult he refuses to go and it has really limited his economic opportunities. I've offered to pay and still nothing on his end. He made a friend at work {restaurant} who teaches at a private school who said he could get him a job as a private boarding school teacher. Nope won't even try.
I've learned that I care more about this issue then he does so I need to back off..after I get him out of my house.
"Refuses"? Your house, your rules dude. Tell him to go or get out of the house
Tonight for dinner take a huge dump on a plate and serve it to him, he will get the message.
What your son means is not "I don't know anyone there."
What your son actually means is, "I don't know who to buy my marijuana from there."
Your son sounds like a complete and total typical pothead do-nothing, Bernie-supporting, whining, lazy, Loser. That is loser with a capital-L.
The Dad wrote:
Lacking details ` wrote:What city is the job in?
Why doesn't he want to move there?
Chicago.
Which suburb of Chicago? If it's something like Schaumburg or worse Elgin and he'd have no convenient way to live in the city and commute on the Metra, then he very well might hate it there. It's slow death by stereotypical suburban living or hours of sitting in a car. If you're talking something like Oak Park or Skokie, he is absolutely nuts. Put him up in the Lincoln hotel or the new one in Wicker Park for a fall weekend. That city is full of single 20 somethings.
Can you convince him to at least continue taking a few college courses or going for some type of trade? That's likely the best long term career move. He could take classes at any of the numerous universities in the Twin Cities or Chicago, another easy way to meet people.
Tough dilemma. Mental wellness trumps everything because if that's not taken care of, everything is more expensive in the long term.
So mentally it seems like he's in a better spot now. Maybe you just need to allow him the time to get frustrated and sick of his retail job. I worked retail a lot in my early to mid-20's, and trust me, it doesn't take that long for that to happen.
Eventually he's going to see his college friends start to make big bucks, and that's when he's going to rapidly think more seriously about making some cash.
TrackCoach wrote:
firefighter restaurant wrote:Is the railroad job city in a total shithole? Tell us the city.
There is no place in the U.S. so horrible where someone without a 4 year degree would turn down a $60K job with bennies. That is just plain stupid. Btw, even if the area is a 'total shithole', you don't have to live where you work. I know guys who have a mortgage and family making less than that. Sounds to me like he doesn't want to give up his lifestyle or in other words does not want to grow up.
There are tons of places that can totally suck in the US. If his job is going to put him in a shit town with shit prospects for meeting women, then what's the point? Yay, I worked at the railroad for 40 years and I've been single the entire time. Now time to die old and lonely. What a life.
Your son does have a point. That's barely enough of an hourly wage to pay for just one month of Flotrack.
Weird thread! Being Let's Run, I thought the dream was to be a second assistant key holder at a Fleet Feet franchise making $10.50 an hour? Because the comped race entries, pro deals on shoes and energy gels, and the ability to smugly lecture hobby joggers and power walkers made it a sweet gig?