Losing my girlfriend in college..

Since you guys are really helpful I can dive more into the situation. Basically most of our relationship was pretty happy and we both had good times. Going off to college especially colleges 7 hours away from each other was tough but we agreed that we wanted to continue it. The first week went well and then the next few weeks were so tough on us. She seemed like she was always out and about doing something whether it was sports, partying, or schoolwork. We talked but the conversations seemed pretty dull for some reason. Most of the effort was made by me and when I brought that up we got into some arguments. I did get a little too angry at her here and there but it would always resolve and we would keep pushing forward. Then I keep asking her what is wrong and she says that its just not working out and she breaks up with me. She wanted to remain in touch and did stay on FaceTime with me for quite a long time until I finally hung up. We texted a little after that because I couldn't keep myself away but after that short conversation we haven't texted since (several days). I really want her to text me. Real bad. Even though I told her it would be better if we didn't try to become friends and all that jazz just on an emotional level and she got upset about that.

You've been getting great advice in this thread, I wish I had gotten the same at various times. But like you, I'm not sure I would have been strong enough to listen to it.

But listen: your best shot to feel better soonest AND your best shot to get her to want her back require the same thing, NOT contacting her. You will never get her back unless you stop giving a fuk about her.

I know that doesnt help, because you cant just stop giving a fuk about her, but thats the way it is bro, thats how it works. You have to be on a mindset of not giving a fuk about her, she will never see you hurt or sad about how she left you, she stops existing for you, its not in the past, its just not there, it never happened.

More often than not, when you do that to women, like, basically forget they exist and move on to a happy life, they come back. The problem is that maybe by the time she does come back, you dont give a fuk about her anyway.

It sucks, but its your only option. Forgetting about her and being INDIFFERENT with her is the answer, its what you have to do whether you want her back or you want to move on. Theres no other move really, at least not a move that will help you in any way whatsoever right now.

Begging for her back, stalking her, showing up casually where she is, going to parties that you know she will be there, etc wont help you for ****. If she knows you are there she will never even look at you. She will only look at you when she realizes you are no longer there.

With women, **** is like the movie inception. You gotta plant an idea on their head. You gotta make them wonder, wonder "did i fuk up by leaving him?". Just a small doubt is what you need. For her to ask herself this, you gotta have your **** together tho, thats why i said before that she cant ever see you hurt or sad about how she dumped you. You also have to hit the gym hard, read some books, be social and happy etc so she actually is somewhat attracted to you.

Guys I just came so close to texting her. I can't control it right now. I really want to text her. Can I please just text her?

TroubledRelationship wrote:

Guys I just came so close to texting her. I can't control it right now. I really want to text her. Can I please just text her?

No. At least not if you 1) want to feel better soon or 2) ever have a shot of getting her back.

TroubledRelationship wrote:

Guys I just came so close to texting her. I can't control it right now. I really want to text her. Can I please just text her?

GTFOH with that BS. You know what we are gonna say. Turn your phone on airplane mode, go to bed early, set an early alarm, and get sh!t done in the morning. Run, study, or whatever. Stop asking questions when we've already told you the best course of action.

You gotta be mentally tough right now man. If not, you're gonna be her b!tch of a lapdog for the rest of your life.

Wow, this thread is getting really annoying.

Too much snowflake drama. Not a good candidate to run on "Pure Hate". Just an overly self involved fellow thinking he's the only one in the world who got jilted by little miss x. Turn the page, move on, run long.

People with real problems in the world, take a small gander at Puerto Rico. Take yourself out of the equation, life goes on...

Stand for anthem

MAGA

Sort your self out, Bucko. Women mate up and across the dominance hierarchy. So, don't be a weak, whining half-man. Be strong. Clean up your room. Make a schedule and follow it. Take responsibility for your life and be all that you can be. Don't text or phone her. Most importantly, do what's right for you and don't be a follower.

Sort your self out, Bucko wrote:

Sort your self out, Bucko. Women mate up and across the dominance hierarchy. So, don't be a weak, whining half-man. Be strong. Clean up your room. Make a schedule and follow it. Take responsibility for your life and be all that you can be. Don't text or phone her. Most importantly, do what's right for you and don't be a follower.

"Women mate up and across the dominance hierarchy."

Yes. I didn't want to believe this. But I knew it. Still, I thought that the sheer strength of my feelings, the depth of my heart, and my eloquent ability to spell out my feelings in aching detail would save the day and win me the girl who didn't seem to take my heart quite as seriously as she was taking the prospect of every eligible male who was not me.

Um. Not really. She's just not that into you.

To the OP: welcome to the blues, my friend. Whether you thrive or buckle will be largely a matter of whether you 1) learn from your mistakes; 2) listen to and HEAR all advice, weigh it carefully, and be willing actually to align with the best advice that you hear; and 3) learn how to frame all apparent defeats as future victories.

The woman who incinerated my heart and, after five years, left me for someone I knew, and MARRIED him, and had a kid with him, and stomped on my heart, at a distance, in various horrible ways--screwing him from every position (in my imagination, but also in reality: your girl is doing that right now with a sexy stud)--and had a son by him......also ended up divorcing his ass after 19 years because he turned out to have some bad behaviors. (The bad boy isn't always the right guy to marry.) They are both moderately famous people in the world of English professors.

I, meanwhile, ended up having a great wild ride that involved many fabulous women over the next decade and a half, and ended up marrying the woman of my dreams. We've got a son. He's 11 and a half and a great kid, as 11 year olds go.

Five or six years ago, my wife and I got together with my ex for drinks at an annual English professors' convention. It was actually a nice time, without much weirdness. She and I are now friends. I rarely speak to her, but there are no hard feelings. And she was a wonderful first serious love--even thought she did break my heart.

So do whatever you feel the need to do. But please understand: it's over. And that's a good thing. You're ready, now, for the great love of your life.

She's dating plumbers and they are laying pipe in her.

Time to man up because now you're just coming across as weak and that's not appealing to anybody.

Just a few short days ago, she held all the cards and it was a royal flush to your measly 8 high. Your ability to stay away for a short period of time means that she's still holding the cards, but it's now more like a full house to your pair of deuces. You will never ever ever ever have a chance at this if you begin to text and/or call. You will never get back what you still want so desperately by following what would seem the most obvious path of reaching out to her. Paradoxically, your only chance of ever being a couple again (and I'd strongly caution you about not settling for that) is by you walking away completely right now until the odds of the game are at least even...only your independence and happiness can make that happen and that takes the most crucial element in all of this...TIME.

Be strong, look after yourself and stick to your principles because this is a character defining moment in your life. You'll learn either way from this experience, but following all of this sound advice that you've received on this thread will ensure that you get through it more cleanly and with less damage than you would if you give in to your urges.

Good Luck.

You have to stop analyzing where things went wrong. Ruminating about it will only serve to make you more depressed. I know you badly want a text but for your sake I hope you don't get it. It will just reset the cycle of misery for you.DO NOT TEXT HER BACK

Think of it like taking a hit of heroin. It will give you a great deal of relief for about 5 minutes - then you'll begin the withdrawal of agonizingly analyzing the conversation, ruminating about what went wrong and misery cycle will start fresh over.

TroubledRelationship wrote:

Guys I just came so close to texting her. I can't control it right now. I really want to text her. Can I please just text her?

Put her on block - stop using this as an excuse for avoiding your real-life challenges, get your head down and become successful.

I didn't text her yesterday but was really close to doing it. Thank god

TroubledRelationship wrote:

I didn't text her yesterday but was really close to doing it. Thank god

Good, it'll get easier to avoid texting her from here

This is starting to affect me a lot of the time when I have time to think about everything and makes me have a feeling that I'm going to throw up. Guys, I really want to text her and see what she has to say. What if she never texts me?

A woman here --- I haven't had a chance to read the middle part of the thread, but I just wanted to say, recognize that you're going through the "weaning-off" period. She's done with you, but you aren't done with her yet. It will take awhile to extricate yourself from this situation, but eventually the urges to text her and your intense feelings will fade a bit to the point of being manageable. And if she sends mixed messages (i.e., wanting to remain close friends, keep in contact, etc.), this will just prolong the process and keep you hanging on, which, quite frankly, is an unfair thing for her to do. She can't have her cake and eat it too.As everyone has said, a clean break is necessary. It's going to be excruciatingly hard, but stick with it. I know it may not seem like this, but there are many many other women out there, and undoubtedly in time you will find deep connections and love with others. Hang in there

TroubledRelationship wrote:

I didn't text her yesterday but was really close to doing it. Thank god

Christ, really? Stop, please. Maybe it's time to go home so Mommy can suckle you at her bosom. Damn kid. If you're old enough to be at college, you're too old to be whining about a girl like a little bitch.

TroubledRelationship wrote:

This is starting to affect me a lot of the time when I have time to think about everything and makes me have a feeling that I'm going to throw up. Guys, I really want to text her and see what she has to say. What if she never texts me?

For your sake I really really hope she doesn't - because then you'll be roped back into responding. It will give you slight relief and then you'll get even worse. You'll spend hours analyzing the conversation and agonizing over what you could have said. You'll start the cycle again. Please man - don't talk to her - I know it's the hardest thing but don't do it! You'll be in misery.

TroubledRelationship wrote:

This is starting to affect me a lot of the time when I have time to think about everything and makes me have a feeling that I'm going to throw up. Guys, I really want to text her and see what she has to say. What if she never texts me?