Dad Concerned wrote:
UPDATE:
The coach has been fired and is now coaching at a new school. I notified the school and they looked at his phone. They said there was inappropriate behavior and fired him. They asked if I wanted to have the details of the texts and I told them I need to think about it.
Thank you for the support
Thanx for the update Trolly McTrollio.
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Dad Concerned wrote:
UPDATE:
The coach has been fired and is now coaching at a new school. I notified the school and they looked at his phone. They said there was inappropriate behavior and fired him. They asked if I wanted to have the details of the texts and I told them I need to think about it.
Thank you for the support
Good for you following up on this with the school.
You definitely did the right thing, and you might want to see any texts that were involving your daughter.
Oh no, OP, you can't back away from this now.
You've made us a part of your drama, and now we need to know.
I'm not sure I could coach today if texting was a requirement. I'm pretty sure that if I did get forced into it my first meeting with the team would be that no texting between the coach and athletes would occur. I tend to think email might be okay but that is a subject for another thread.
DravenYox wrote:
Concerned Parents Unite wrote:I have experience with this when my daughter was part on an "elite" training group. I immediately advised the coach that he was never to contact my daughter or any athlete on an individual basis via chat or email.
coach was eventually fired by the organization when it was learned he did this with other female athletes.
Questions? Why does he have your daughter's telephone number?
Why is a 24 year old coaching high school XC?
If he is a school coach I would request a meeting with you the horny 24 yr old, head coach and athletic director and make your concerns known.
Any reputable school would fire the coach on the spot.
Don't let this slide this is serious.
You are so wrong it's embarrassing. When my kids ran xc, their coach always texted them about practice changes and reminders about all sorts of things, as well as positive markers. Kids thrive from the personal encouragement. A cross country team is like a second family. If a coach doesn't have their phone numbers, then how does he check up on their training when they're are on vacation, or are looking for a good running route, or their heel hurts that night and they want to know what they should do to help it. Texting is a valuable tool for passing on information and communicating. Get real and stop acting like a defensive papa bear who is out to guard the children. Get to know your child's coach and see how much he/she cares about their well-being and success.
While, I think most coaches are there for the right reasons don't assume anything. I knew a coach that was liked by EVERYONE--coaches, parents, kids etc very charming, outgoing, knowledgeable, liked by the community and yet--he was arrested one day for an inappropriate relationship. No one ever thought or believed that it was true but when the law enforcement had evidence on that person to arrest them I had no empathy or respect for that person. This coach fooled everyone including myself--I trusted and believed in this coach who I thought had the best interest in my kids.
The only thing that bothers me is now the coach is at another school and we do not have a coach for the time being
I guess ya don't know what ya got till it's gone bubs
Late into this thread...has anyone asked for a pic of the daughter. I feel would have a big impact on my thinking
Hindsight wrote:
I guess ya don't know what ya got till it's gone bubs
Huh? You're reading it wrong. Concerned Dad is now concerned that the same coach is now preying on underage kids elsewhere, NOT that his own daughter's team is temporarily coach-less.
Am I the only one who feels like texting or email is almost safer than a one-on-one conversation? There's a record of everything that is said via text. In a conversation that isn't the case.
I'm curious if the new coach at our school is your ex coach. Early 20s, texts students?
I think that's just every early 20s or even 30s coach. That's just a main way people communicate these days. It isn't necessarily scandalous.
We had a coach who has in his early 40s. His daughter was 16 and on the team. There were rumors, and it seemed obvious that the coach-father was having a relationship with his daughter's best friend who was also on the team. This went for two years and in the Spring it was obvious that the daughter's best friend was pregnant. The girl graduated, turned 18, and had the baby. The coach ended up divorcing is wife and marrying his daughter's best friend. The coach was transferred to a different school but still coaches. Not sure what has happened recently.
For what it is worth, this happened at a very weird ultra Christian school
Idunno12 wrote:
I think that's just every early 20s or even 30s coach. That's just a main way people communicate these days. It isn't necessarily scandalous.
Ok, so would it be weird if instead of texting it was phone calls and/or one on one conversations at odd times with high frequency?
It's not the mode of communication it's the communication itself. The nature, frequency, subject matter, time, etc. all speak to inappropriate levels of relationship for a grown man and a teen girl.
See it happening past HS as well. The high school coach can't let go, continues to text his former athlete every day during her frosh year in college. Move on and be a man.
John utah wrote:
Idunno12 wrote:I think that's just every early 20s or even 30s coach. That's just a main way people communicate these days. It isn't necessarily scandalous.
It's not the mode of communication it's the communication itself. The nature, frequency, subject matter, time, etc. all speak to inappropriate levels of relationship for a grown man and a teen girl.
'I dunno' is correct. That's how it's done nowadays.
Utah... here's the basics:
Nature - I'm guessing you mean vibe? I'm generally very supportive or congratulatory. Sometimes to the whole team, sometimes to groups (800 w/o group vs 3200 w/o group) and sometimes to an individual.
Frequency - When needed
Subject Matter - Depends. Sometimes I'm putting together a 'meet sheet' and want to ask a team member if she would like to race the (insert race). Might try to pump kids up for a meet the next morning. Might say 'great workout' or 'gutsy race' to a student who had to leave practice/meet early and I didn't get to chat with them prior to them leaving. Sometimes it's about a captains or senior practice where I give directions to said captain(s)/senior(s).
Time - After school (6-8pm), after meets sometimes (9/10pm)
Phone vs text: Totally different. I would never call a student. I don't even have their numbers technically - just their 'profile'.
That's how I do it and I won't ever be convinced it isn't appropriate. That's how my team does it and it works.
If you have concerns, make your daughter show you your phone. I use an application that saves/makes it impossible to delete conversations. The proof is all there and I like it that way.