Managing Autistic Employee

I see you're trolling for grammar nazis considering the multiple typo corrections that missed the big one. You hooked one here. I won't tell you exactly what it is but it involves your very first correction. Think of who is spending the $100K.

BTW, interesting thread.

angry willy wrote:

The complications and issues came up with my expectation that she would figure out my emotional state based on normal interaction. I was assuming that she would figure out how I was feeling. After figuring out things for myself, I simply began stating how I was feeling and asking directly for whatever I needed.

Men and women with autism tend to be different. Women/girls with autism tend learn to be more social.

Keep in mind that your son may have concurrent issues (depression, bipolar, etc.) or possibly misdiagnosed.

Thank you for that response. I think my stepson's "spectrum" diagnosis is accurate, but complicated by other issues which are probably related: anxiety, depression.

He has been "self-medicating" very recently with alcohol ... not a good idea, but at Christmas I witnessed him socially interacting in a perfectly "normal" way for the first time in all the years I've known him.

That had me somewhat questioning the "autism" diagnosis, but I think he is potentially on the "very high functioning" end of the spectrum ... IF he can overcome some of the other obstacles. But we can't force him into counseling.

@Stepdad

He just needs to find his groove. Working at Trader Joe's is not it. He would make a great analyst where he is tasked with figuring out and explaining a puzzle of some sort. Such jobs exist in Tech and Defense.

There are many highly successful people in this world just like your stepson. You may just live in the wrong part of the country.

If you look at the historical and humorous depiction of a Nerd, that nerd was on the spectrum. Well, they get along with other nerds but stand out in social settings.

As to the OP, be careful. That employee was promoted and there was probably a reason for it. Writing him up especially for something that does not have much of a business impact is petty and it will look bad on you. He will probably agree with you that he is not in the right role. He probably does not enjoy it too much and will jump at the opportunity to take another position.

gumbert wrote:

He would make a great analyst where he is tasked with figuring out and explaining a puzzle of some sort. Such jobs exist in Tech and Defense.

There are many highly successful people in this world just like your stepson. You may just live in the wrong part of the country.

If you look at the historical and humorous depiction of a Nerd, that nerd was on the spectrum. Well, they get along with other nerds but stand out in social settings.

I think you're right, in terms of potential. He is 33 years old. Over the past 12 years, he taught himself Javascript and developed several simple games. He has no problem sitting at his computer, writing code for 10 hours at a stretch.

Unfortunately, he exhibits no desire to market his efforts. And, what he has produced so far seems more like what one might expect after a one-semester intro course. (Although I am no expert!)

I know that many successful people are self-taught, but he may need some formal schooling, which he refuses to pursue. Or at least a mentor of some sort. His mother and I are at a loss, especially since he seems perfectly content to hide in our guest room, writing code.

Your state department of Voc Rehab may be able to help with developing job skills and training, if he can be encouraged/cajoled to pursue it.

Mr. Obvious wrote:

Your state department of Voc Rehab may be able to help with developing job skills and training.

Thanks. We will look into it. One of the challenges is that his mother backs off any sort of "encouragement" the moment he appears the least bit stressed.

Another is that ever since I gently asked him about future plans a year ago, I'm afraid to engage him in any way. He took my question as a "threat" and told his mother it made him suicidal. Understand that I am as gentle and unthreatening a person as can be ... never raise my voice, never curse, lovingly invited him into our home when his stepmother kicked him out.

But I am getting frustrated after three years of no progress ... enough to ask for guidance on someone else's thread ... on a running forum. Thanks, again.

stepdad wrote:

But I am getting frustrated after three years of no progress ... enough to ask for guidance on someone else's thread ... on a running forum. Thanks, again.

It can be incredibly frustrating. It is incredibly easy and tempting to blame him for his behavior. Blame is very easy and natural, but not very productive.

Aspie Runner, the people that offend you with their odd social behavior are not doing that on purpose. Anyone on the spectrum displays behaviors that are frowned upon. If you are on that spectrum, you are probably "guilty" of the same, just not aware of it. Might want to look into that saying about the Pot, Kettle and whatnot. The people around you have already formed some opinions of you. If you do go forward with what you suggested, they will add immature to the list.May I suggest, that you try to display some sadness rather than tough-skin when that "woman with a heart of gold" says something offensive. Engage in a pull-type convo with her as she would be unwilling to accept any suggestion you may force upon her. She will not want to hurt your feelings - guaranteed. That may change her behavior. You do not want to make her uncomfortable, just aware that she is hurting your feelings. Try it.

There seems to be a lot of hidden anxiety associated with higher functioning autism. I think that sometimes it is manifest through stimming ... repetitive behaviors like nail biting, touching ears, rubbing arm, rocking, etc. Seems like "self-medicating" with alcohol is an attempt to quell some of that anxiety. My wife had a period of self-medication. I will say that this period of time was not particularly good. Imagine an intoxicated person without the normal social filter and reduced anxiety. Any chance that you might be able to find a support group for yourself?

In all candor, I've wondered how broad the autism spectrum is actually. I have a friend with Aspergers who is a very high-functioning doctoral student but had some social issues and responds more emotionally than most males in their mid twenties would. Myself, despite being an athlete with excellent coordination and able in general to do well in most social situations—including fostering teamwork and exhibiting leadership—I find I think in a very literal way, often miss sarcasm or cynicism (because I don't myself think that way) and favor serious discourse over light conversation. So the hyper-logical side of how people on the autistic spectrum seem to function is something I can relate to, but I seem to be way beyond the spectrum. I just wonder if scientists have looked at the full gamut of what could be included, including situations where there is no apparent deficit in functionality.

Saw the other autism/aspergers thread and thought I would update this from two years ago.

After a year and a half of remedial management lessons, and engineering handholding, I was able to move my employee to a "staff authority" position-where he is a supposed expert at one facet of our business-but no longer manages people. He and I are much happier. It has caused a little grumbling in the organization-as he was moved as a lateral position, with no loss in pay or title-but considerably less responsibility. Frankly I don't believe he's making the company any money where he is, but at least he's not causing damage anymore.

Avoided grievances, lawsuits, wrongful termination-but like anything, it gave me some grey hair.

Lesson learned-don't promote people who don't get along with people. It's tough to justify with your legal department firing someone who was promoted from within only a year or two earlier.