Why Does It Feel So Good To Help Others? Why Do We Help Others So Infrequently?

Just a Few Times wrote:

Why does it feel so good to direct help others

Because it was freely given. There was no negotiation, no trade, just giving without any expectation.

The thing that I find so interesting about your story is that as soon as you showed up to help, three other guys decided to do the same. That sticks out as important to me. I doubt all three just randomly happened to decide to help right as you started pushing the car.

I am sure someone can explain it, but I cannot.

I went to an orientation for helping with an adult literacy program in the city. Honestly, I have not felt so excited for something in a long time. Like I am really enthused about getting started with this group.

As I think other posters have tried to point out, such enthusiastic volunteerism can be double-edged. Everyone gets burned out over time. Just make sure you aren't doing this just for yourself (my mom worked at an adult school as an instructional aide; she really enjoyed helping others, though of course she would whine about the indolent also).

burning a candle wrote:

Just make sure you aren't doing this just for yourself

And so what if he is? What is the worst that can happen? He helps some people? Isn't that better than staying home and playing video games? I am not sure why so many people on this thread are hating on people who do good things and admit that it makes them feel good.

We should all be sad and angry all the time!

Soooo Whhaatt? wrote:

I am not sure why so many people on this thread are hating on people who do good things and admit that it makes them feel good.

We should all be sad and angry all the time!

LR posters operate on an individualistic, survival of the fittest, every man for himself, no work no food, pull up by the bootstraps philosophy. Helping others is a violation of this philosophy.

Another Point wrote:

The thing that I find so interesting about your story is that as soon as you showed up to help, three other guys decided to do the same. That sticks out as important to me. I doubt all three just randomly happened to decide to help right as you started pushing the car.

I am sure someone can explain it, but I cannot.

Humans as group animals need a take charge leader.

I've come to find that sooo many people in the USA are narcissists. At least 90%. Good on you to help that guy out! We need more people like you in this world. Can't explain why is makes you feel good though I guess it just does, I know what you mean though.

And so what if he is? What is the worst that can happen? He helps some people?

You obviously don't understand how volunteerism works in practice. I would say that at least 10% of them (more likely around 20%) are net negatives to either the overseeing organization or the people who are trying to be served (and some of these 10-20% are definitely in it because it makes them feel good, which often ends up unwittingly at the expense of others).

Can't explain why is makes you feel good though I guess it just does, I know what you mean though

People do different things to feel good.

If the thread were entitled: "Why Does it Feel So Good To Get Drunk? Why Do We Drink and Party So Infrequently?", it would be just as sensible. The social utility of helping others might be higher, but to each their own.

Could have fooled me.

Either you are honest, or trying to embellish your story. Given my comments below, I think I vote for the latter.

Again this sounds like embellishment. How is it "about" three other guys? Can't you even count how many pushers there were? And how many people "flash their hazards" in such a situation? Did they pull over the side (like you in the parking lot), or does this mean that they just stopped in traffic?!

You twice say "out of the intersection", but more likely when "stalled out at a busy traffic light" he wouldn't be in the intersection per se. Perhaps the emotional high has confused your memory, or elocution thereof.

How far away was the gas station?? Last time I helped someone like this, it was only a few minutes (certainly less than 5), though admittedly just getting the guy out of traffic was the priority (and I walk places rather than drive, so "wasting time" is on a different scale). And unless the gas station is right nearby, it's probably not the best idea to be pushing someone too far if there's much traffic around.

Well, this is (ostensibly) a runner site, but again "ran back" makes this account sound artificial. Most people would not be 'running' here, particularly in the second instance. Though of course the phrase 'ran back' (opposed to simply 'went') might just be used as embellishment again. The geometry of gas station versus the parking lot is not apparent, but without further info it's more likely they are in the same direction anyway?

So you have lotsa of time to waste on LRC posting in mid-afternoon. Not to mention you were creating traffic by deciding to drive to lunch in the first place (brown bag too difficult?).

Overall, this story just doesn't jibe with my own similar experiences. When involved, I simply did what I thought was my social duty to help others, and then went on with my business. Pondering around about how great it made me feel (which it didn't necessarily do) really never entered my mind.

And there are enough discrepancies in the story that make me think it's more likely than not either embellished, or even simply made up.

non-alcoholic wrote:

Can't explain why is makes you feel good though I guess it just does, I know what you mean though

People do different things to feel good.

If the thread were entitled: "Why Does it Feel So Good To Get Drunk? Why Do We Drink and Party So Infrequently?", it would be just as sensible. The social utility of helping others might be higher, but to each their own.

Personally LRC would probably like that thread more. And probably there would be just as much quasi-moralizing from both sides.

Agree with a lot of this analysis. The hand-wringing about 150 others (how would one estimate?) passing the guy by also seems phony, and casts discredit on the initial sentence (if the post is really about feeling good by helping others, why bring up "those other guys" who didn't help?! Many of whom likely had sufficient reasons therein, like not being an unattached guy driving around for pleasure to grab lunch).

Why does it matter if OP is embellishing or outright making it all up? The whole point is that we should help others. That should be sufficient.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” ~Samuel Johnson

I don't know if my experiences have ruined me or what, but I don't think there is a such thing as true altruism. People only do things if they can get something out of it. People who help people think they are doing something selfless, but what they really get out it is a feeling that they are "good people." They think what they did confirms they are decent and selfless, but usually they are trying to ease some feelings of guilt. A lot of people who have jobs that indirectly hurt people, i.e foreclosures, get involved in things like volunteering at a soup kitchen to not feel so guilty about kicking a family out on the streets. Or maybe there are decent people? Its just that the type of environment I grew up in, you always have to be skeptical of peoples motives. You trust people and you get hurt. Some people have the privilege of growing up in the type of environment where the people they trust don't try to hurt or take advantage of them.

Amen.

The self-important individual doesn't understand the all around benefits of altruism. "It is in giving that we receive," makes no sense to them.

Dude, somebody really needs to help you. But not for free.

Black Med Student wrote:

I don't think there is a such thing as true altruism. People only do things if they can get something out of it ... Or maybe there are decent people? Its just that the type of environment I grew up in, you always have to be skeptical of peoples motives. You trust people and you get hurt.

I am definitely skeptical of people's motives, because a lot of the time they are trying to trick you. But that doesn't mean that people never do things out of altruism. I think people act out of altruism all the time. We're social creatures, most of us feel empathy and care about each other.

One point that you, the OP, and others have made is that caring about others isn't the only reason we help. That's definitely true - people also do good things because it makes them feel proud of themselves, or because they'd feel guilty if they didn't, or because they want to be able to think of themselves as a good person. Of course as others have responded, it doesn't really matter what your motives are, what matters is if you are helping or not.

That's true, but I'd go even further. Having any of those motivations doesn't mean it's not "really altruism". Because feeling good when you help other people, is itself an altruistic impulse!

I think this is a great thread and I want to thank the OP for starting it. I think we should all talk more than we do about the things that we do to help people, because I think it can help inspire others to be kind as well. Too often we're trapped in our routines and habits, like all those people driving by who probably would have enjoyed helping, and all we need is a little nudge.