When do men no longer make friends?

I must be in an abnormal situation. I feel like my spouse left me for his friends. His friends who are his co-workers, are also golf buddies. They all used to be married (the circle of friends) and slowly one by one they are divorcing or have divorced their spouses. I used to be friends with the wives but lost friendship after they got a divorce. My soon to be ex kept his friends and now we're getting a divorce. Most of our fights were about him supporting his friends divorces (when they were the ones cheating or leaving their spouses) and how he was acting like them. I.e. Disrespectful, condescending, taking long trips, not really wanting to be part of a family, etc. Spouse wanted me to go out w/his friends and their new girlfriends and I wouldn't go because it felt awkward since I knew their former wives. Currently two of my spouse's friends are also leaving their wives, weird.

Saladbar lackey wrote:

Society has evolved. Men have not. I say this as a man.

It's no longer about going out and drinking in a club and driving home drunk at the end of the night. .

So that is the only option drinking and partying like you are 22 yrs old? Talk about arrested development, there are lots of things you can do with friends that do not involve any of that.

Saladbar lackey wrote:

Society has evolved. Men have not. I say this as a man.

I would say we have devolved; the welfare state, the migrant crisis, the slow collapse of Western society...you can place all of these things, at least partially, on the feminization of men.

It's not really about an age, it's about what's going on in your life and time. My older brother is single and he still does tons of stuff all the time with a big group of friends. The same with a single friend of mine. But, once you get married, have kids, etc. you just do not have the availability to do all the things you did when you were single. So, as you have less free time you start to manage your time and get selective.

I still do stuff often with a select few friends but I spend time less often with the bigger circle of friends.

I think a small part of it is that two guys can't hang out together without someone assuming they are a gay couple.

xfithonorarycaptain wrote:

I think a small part of it is that two guys can't hang out together without someone assuming they are a gay couple.

"Hang out". Real Men DO things together. They don't sit around drinking lattes. That's for women and gays.

When I was growing up, my old man had a few close friends that he would go out with often. When he was in his mid-40s, he quit drinking, and that caused the old friendships to dissipate fairly quickly. He made a few new ones though a local road cycling group that he was a part of, and got a bit close with a couple of dads of other kids on my high school team, but it was really never the same in terms of frequent, dedicated "friend time" with "the guys". So, if you want to keep friends into middle age and beyond, don't be a teetotaler. Fortunately for me, I still have the old college group and it'll be at least a few years before I really start worrying about this.

Truly, men have ceded what really made them men.

Men no longer work on cars, do cool projects, fix or build stuff. Being "macho" now is about going to the gym and building some big muscles, but being altogether useless as a real man otherwise.

There are exceptions -- blue collar trades guys, soldiers, etc.

Ole Timer wrote:

Truly, men have ceded what really made them men.

Men no longer work on cars, do cool projects, fix or build stuff. Being "macho" now is about going to the gym and building some big muscles, but being altogether useless as a real man otherwise.

There are exceptions -- blue collar trades guys, soldiers, etc.

Again, another big misconception, go to Lowe's or AutoZone on a Sat. morning, there are tons of guys doing a lot of stuff.

As far as cars, well part of that is due to the changing technology. It's one thing to open the hood on a '65 Mustang another to look at the 2016 version. There's a lot of computer technology involved that the shade tree mechanic just cannot fix.

I heard there's this app called Grinder. Maybe give that a try?

Friends: one to three is sufficient.

Tomorrow.

I have no friends but I interact with people all the time and do things. Perhaps some consider me a friend to themselves, but I don't think much of it. I get along with almost everyone. I'm always entertained by my lifestyle. I'm always out and about doing things. That's good enough to me. I'm going to Vegas again, leaving in 3 days.

end of an era wrote:

I had a great circle of friends when I graduated from college. I moved away from there and made another circle. I've since moved twice more, and married, and now realize I have very few local friends left. I'm in my early-40s. I'm not exactly broken up over this, it sort of happened slowly and it hasn't really been an issue.

Do men this age actually make friends somewhere, and do stuff together? The whole idea seems odd at this point.

Thoughts?

OP. I 100% agree and dont' like the development. Do you live in Baltimore? We can be friends ;)

I'm 40_ and have no excuses as I don't have kids. When I was coaching, i was on the road and didn't have time for friends. But now I do - well I did until I got into the Orioles and they take up 4 hours a day. So the post about sports teams was right on the money.

yep mid-40's is when it happens. Wife and kids slowly replaced any good buddies.

I'm 56 - I have 2 friends and I probably only see them once a year because they live 3 hours away.

Facebook contacts really don't count, because I never see them.

I ran into a guy I know and could tell he had been drinking and crying. "Whats wrong?" I asked. "My best friend Jimmy just ran off with my wife" he said. "Terrible, you must have loved her," I replied awkwardly, wishing I had never made eye contact with him. "Hell, we hated each other" he warbled " but i'm gonna miss Jim."

The silverback gorilla knows that other males should be chased off. They only want take your women and social status

Good thing we're not apes then.

FresNo wrote:

The silverback gorilla knows that other males should be chased off. They only want take your women and social status

Still friendly with the same friend for 50 years even though we live on opposite sides of the States. Still friendly with 3 of my college buddies. The few others are through my wife and as my kids get older I like to hang out with them.