How to broach the weight gain subject with wifey without starting war?

well for one, don't buy her a fitbit for xmas. Pretty obvious what you're trying to say and she probably purposely left it in the box just to spite you for getting it. At the end of the day you gotta tell her that you want to be with someone who at least tries to maintain good health. Its not unreasonable to not want a partner whose just going to let themselves and their body go

Female poster here. I am trying to ponder what I would l do/feel if I were in your wife's position. It could have easily been me as I was a curvy teen and it could have easily drifted toward fat had I not become a little bit of a fitness fanatic. The thing is that I am sure she knows she is overweight and is not happy about it. If you truly feel that she doesn't care then I'd lay it out for her that it is making you very unhappy and something needs to be done or else the marriage is in trouble. Just be ready for tears and excuses and be sure to have it all spelled out how you are going to support her if she gets on board.... watching the kids, helping prepare healthy meals, running/exercising with her. Good luck with everything.

The OP Is probably a pillsbury dough boy himself.

Pics of your abs?

If only Richard Simmons were still alive. He was a track guy.

Loved his sparkly singlet, Dolphin track shorts and tube socks.

I'm going to guess that since you didn't include some information about her not being able to shed any postpartum weight that you do not have kids.

That being the case, I say knock her up. That way she gains a bunch of weight in pregnancy, and then is somewhat forced to monitor her health to lose the weight. No woman has a child and says, "I think I'll hang on to the extra 30 pounds!"

I am a Airbnb Host and I recently had two female nurses who did not know each other stay in my home for 3 months. One exercised everyday and ate what people assume is healthy..mostly veggies like kale salads and processed non-meat plant based foods....rarely ate out socially..introvert. The other also exercises everyday, but was more outgoing and social. She avoided red meat because she didn't care for meat, but ate other meats and ate out socially. Both had pear shaped Megan Trainor figure. So what is my point? It is not all about exercise and what they think is eating right.

Refocus Pocus wrote:

So what is my point? It is not all about exercise and what they think is eating right.

Exactly. People are built a certain way. I'm a muscular guy with a big butt. I was born to have muscle. If you want to avoid having a fat spouse, you need to hold out for a spouse who has an athletic build. I've always been attracted to long, thin, powerful builds in women. Almost like a 400m runner like Allyson Felix. I go to a climbing gym and when you see this type of girl, you basically know that there is no way they're going to get fat for at least 30 years.

Refocus Pocus wrote:

I am a Airbnb Host and I recently had two female nurses who did not know each other stay in my home for 3 months. One exercised everyday and ate what people assume is healthy..mostly veggies like kale salads and processed non-meat plant based foods....rarely ate out socially..introvert. The other also exercises everyday, but was more outgoing and social. She avoided red meat because she didn't care for meat, but ate other meats and ate out socially. Both had pear shaped Megan Trainor figure. So what is my point? It is not all about exercise and what they think is eating right.

The problem is not that OP's wife has a Megan Trainor body. There are alot of men that prefer a meaty girl over Paula Radcliffe at race weight. The problem is that she is gaining a pound a month, or so the OP says. So, if the OP's wife looks like Megan Trainor now, she will looke like Oprah in 5 years. And what she looks like in 10 years you dont even want to know.

What will happen is both of you start the weight loss program and you're the only one doing it in 2 weeks. There is no solution. Get a new wife.

While my fiance was never heavy, or even remotely overweight. She was rather inactive. We started out going on bike rides together and then began hiking in nearby state parks. First half an hour here and there, eventually it became a fun bike ride twice a week and a good 2-4 hours hike every weekend. Eventually when I started lifting at home she just jumped in.

She still doesn't view the biking or hiking as exercise but for the average person it works. It has kept her looking great.

The key is to get her active through means other than pure exercise. Go for an evening stroll together. Rent a canoe or kayak and paddle on a lazy river, take a bike ride, play a game of frisbee at a local park after a picnic. The key is to trick her!

If diet is an issue complain about how lethargic you have been feeling and tell her you want to eat "cleaner" but need HER help for willpower. In turn she'll be eating healthier because she thinks she is helping you, but really its all your plan!

Agree with those that are saying you should try to get her into exercise slowly.

Why not suggest that she walks two miles every morning and then another two miles every evening?

By the end of the week her fat ass will be 28 miles away.

oldest teenager in the house wrote:

I'm trying to picture these same responses to a husband that's put on weight. Would you also lead with depression and low thyroid? Would you consider that the husband might be victimized by an inattentive and sexually low key wife? Would you wonder what the wife has done for the husband lately? Would you attribute the husband's weight gain to perception that his wife undervalues him? Would you suggest that wife should assume cooking responsibilities?

stranger than fiction wrote:

blah blah she's a victim blah blah.

ok - so since you are just a teenager I may need to break it down.

1) It is a bit easier for women to pack on pounds than men. Obviously, inactivity is not good for anyone, but women are more vulnerable to weight gain than men. It also takes them longer to lose it. Hormones play a role in this - including thyroid hormone - which often declines in 30s/40s and can lead to depression, fatigue, slower metabolism. So, biological causes of weight gain can be real, and are a good starting point to look at, although not the whole story.

2) It is a fact that in an age where women and men often work equally, women still do the bulk of cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, etc. Sometimes they feel unappreciated. When women feel valued and appreciated, this is a greater spark for romance than anything else. Often men feel they shouldn't have to do the "work" of showing their appreciation for women and then feel frustrated that their woman is not interested in sex with them. They often say, "I'm in great shape; how can she not want me?", but more often than not, when the woman is not feeling interested in sex it is because she does not feel heard, appreciated, or respected. When a woman feels these things, she is eager to please her man and will go out of her way to do this. This can include maintaining herself physically. Sometimes a few basic things like cooking a meal for a woman, saying thank you, asking to help out, or complimenting a woman can go a long way. If you do these things on a regular basis, it is easier to confront issues like her weight gain in an honest manner.

I base this on experience: both professional and personal.

Accidentally leaving this thread open in your computer for her to read should do the trick.

Out of touch wrote:

Wars started by the hands of the oppressor are always unjust. Think of her weight gain as the anticipated outcome of years of devaluing servitude to the master. Lack of interest in one's health results from resignation.

Read Adtienne Rich's essays on the Sukrut of marriage for further insight,

There is no author out there named Adtienne Rich, and there is no tome on the Sukrut of Marriage. Neither of those "things" are a thing.

She's going to get fat AND black? Yikes.

Classic pears are awesome, honestly, her coworkers all want to bang her.

SubtleGuy wrote:

Accidentally leaving this thread open in your computer for her to read should do the trick.

10/10. POD. Well played sir!

Start the war or watch your marriage and your wife die a slow death.\\

There is no easy way here.

I'm worried about the heath of the woman I love we have to talk.

Get it done now. Are her parents around? Enlist them, Your Parents?

She have any friends that are not overweight?

It's going to get ugly SO WHAT THIS IS LIFE AND DEATH

she'll be mad SO WHAT THIS IS LIFE AND DEATH

You have to do something.

NOW.

The Overexplainer wrote:

Out of touch wrote:

Wars started by the hands of the oppressor are always unjust. Think of her weight gain as the anticipated outcome of years of devaluing servitude to the master. Lack of interest in one's health results from resignation.

Read Adtienne Rich's essays on the Sukrut of marriage for further insight,

There is no author out there named Adtienne Rich, and there is no tome on the Sukrut of Marriage. Neither of those "things" are a thing.

And your "thing"is practically nonexistant