notmyusuallogin wrote:
it's generally by right to cheat of course. but dan savage also talks about the fact that monogamy goes two ways: you have to have sex with only one person, but to earn your fidelity they have to have sex with you regularly.
meaning that it's a betrayal of the vows to shut off a sex life but also expect your partner not to stray. you don't have the right to require your partner to be celibate.
real adults recognize that lifelong relationships are far more complex than wedding vows indicate and that vows made at 25 should accommodate the ups and downs of 50+ years of partnership.
xcskier66 wrote:See Dan Savage and the ways many committed gay men practice monogamy. One of my gay friends is married and is always fooling around with other dudes. They do it in a way that respects their main partner though.
That communitiy is light years ahead of most of the straight community in acknowledging the problems associated with sleeping with one person your entire life.
If you need to get off somewhere else, let your wife know. Maybe she'll surprise you.
This hit a the nail right on the head. I feel as though if your spouse says no more sex, you bring this point up immediately and ask if it is ok to sleep with other people. If not than its time for a divorce. However, this should be discussed specifically before marriage, that if either partner denies sex consistently, the other spouse has the right to sleep with others.