All of my peers have been promoted

OP

Life is not fair. News flash, good looking people are treated better than non-good looking people.

Your boss just might like the other people more than you.

I was in a training program in the 1980's and there were three of us in the same class all the time, so we ended up hanging out. One guy admitted he was cheating on every single test. The other guy asked how, and then he began to cheat as well. I never did.

Anyway, when training is over, both of them are stationed in high volume, high income locations, and I was sent to a location with almost no hope of anything.

Eventually their lack of knowledge caught up to them. I however had already left from being so jaded. Not only did I say something to our trainer after I left, but since it was a female, and the cheaters were guys that women thought were good looking, she did nothing about it, and even told me to shut up.

If you take another position somewhere, a good company/supervisor will wish you well in your career and life. A bad company will make you feel guilty or small if you try to leave them.

It's your life and career. You don't live for the company.

scarred for life wrote:

You're too invested in your job.

Get a life

It's not really his fault. If he's an engineer in his 20s, then it's the culture around him. Somehow working 80-hour weeks without getting paid for the extra time is "cool" for some unknown reason. He's not just cattle, he wants to be first in line in the chute.

Also, his posts here are dripping with entitlement. This can be very offputting to managers and colleagues. He's clearly a drama queen who manufactures tension and stress; otherwise, he would have moved on by now.

Not knowing him/her personally, the OP sounds like kind of a jerk. Just look at some of the tidbits (s)he's dropped (I have a feeling this poster's "real" name rhymes with neon dreams):

zero respect wrote:

I'm sure you're joking, but a lot of my company is based on peer review, and I often do refuse to play "the game." The bottom 10% are basically always fired, so we're supposed to give negative feedback, but I don't work with anyone right now who really doesn't deserve to be there. So I usually give positive feedback thinly disguised as negative feedback. Nice guys come in last I guess.

...

The only negative points were about "composure" (in other words, I got noticeably emotional at work a few times).

Does this sounds like someone you want on your team? Someone who is truly brilliant can be eccentric and abrasive, but that doesn't sound like the case here. What we have here is a competant employee who thinks very, very highly of him/herself but lacks certain interpersonal skills and is likely not a great fit, even if the works gets done.

Touch your nose....is it brown? If not, then you need to do better.

I'm not sure if you read that correctly. We're required to give negative feedback about each other's flaws. But a lot of my peers have very few negatives. So I refuse to make up negatives about them. I'm not sure how that makes ne a jerk.

As far as getting emotional, I got upset when my grandpa died, and that showed up on my review six months later. Nobody at work said anything like "I'm sorry for your loss." Again, not sure how that makes me a jerk.

I wouldn't promote you either. Every post talks about an out into something else -- another job, back to school, whatever. You think your boss and coworkers don't get this vibe from you? Of course they do. Stop worrying about something better coming along and make this job your something better. Most jobs are what you make of them. You've made this job out to be a stepping stone job to something else. And you wonder why you haven't been promoted?

Take a job. Work hard at it. Make yourself indispensable. Success will follow. Quit worry about someone else's promotion.

zero respect wrote:

I'm not sure if you read that correctly. We're required to give negative feedback about each other's flaws. But a lot of my peers have very few negatives. So I refuse to make up negatives about them. I'm not sure how that makes ne a jerk.

As far as getting emotional, I got upset when my grandpa died, and that showed up on my review six months later. Nobody at work said anything like "I'm sorry for your loss." Again, not sure how that makes me a jerk.

I probably got too hung up on "not wanting to play the game" which is an immediate red flag that you may not be a good fit for the corporate culture. Also, why would you say feedback during peer reviews is "required" to be negative? Everyone, no matter how good an employee, has areas in which they can improve. That is what constructive criticism is for. It's not negative ("Bill is a slob and he never does his work on time."), but rather offers areas for growth viewed from an outside perspective. Which is the very point of peer reviews. It's not a competition.

If your emotional state was so pronounced that it was noted during a performance evaluation, it's a cause for concern. I understand you were upset about your grandfather, but if its affecting your work, you've got to accept the consqeuences. They might not think you are emotionally mature enough to handle more responsibility.

They use stack ranking, so the bottom are fired, and that bottom is determined by peer feedback. I don't want to play a role in getting a coworker fired when he doesn't deserve to be fired.

I definitely should have taken bereavement leave or something, but when most of the time I'm composed and a few freak days due to outside circumstances make me lose my composure, it's hard for me to believe that should be sufficient cause for being denied advancement. But I'm not a manager (with good reason) so what the hell do I know.

OP here are my random thoughts and feedback:

You speak of being too emotional at work and should have taken bereavement, are your coworkers aware of what happened in your personal life? Otherwise if you had a minor meltdown once they may interpret it as over nothing. I'm not saying you have to spill every detail of your life but a bad hour where you seem emotionally unstable MAY reflect poorly on you by people who don't know you, doesn't make it right but how else would they know?

Your coworkers may be seen as future management material due to better social and leadership skills, doesn't mean you can't develop these but that could be the reason they're ahead of you today.

You seem very averse to any feedback that isn't positive, whether it's for you or a coworker. There's nothing wrong with highlighting weaknesses as we all have them, some more severe than others. A good manager, like a good running coach, will give you feedback on how to improve and will like to see you succeed in the future with this newly developed skill set.

How was the meeting with your manager and director brought up? This is something I might not have done. Just from reading your recap it may have made your manager look like they F'd up in front of their boss. It also appears they will move forward with the promotion, how will they feel when you leave next year? Probably not very good. If I was leaving in 10 months or whatever I'd probably just deal with what I've been handed and wait for the next opportunity to start.

I disagree with some thoughts here.But first, you really should have taken a few days off for bereavement. Did you break down with the initial news? Or was it a day or two after? About 4 years ago I was at work when I got a call my uncle died. I knew it was imminent but it was still a shock and got all choked up and couldn't speak (I'm a 60+ y.o. male). I managed to tell one person and left immediately. Emailed a few co-workers and my manager what happened. Took off the next day and only came back 2 days later because I was ready.At another location i worked, a lady lost her mother, she decided to just stay at work and 'plow through' and continued working for the immediate days. Unfortunately, when a minor conflict came up, she totally lost it and cursed out one of the senior managers (0n a conference call). Although everyone knew she was bereaving, she ended up being fired for her outburst, it was just not acceptable.The point of the two stories is despite the circumstances, you always need to maintain composure. Take a day or two if needed.As to the point that you are leaving in 10 months and should not be too hung up on the promotion, I disagree. Sounds like you deserve it and should want that promotion on your resume.Those 'up or out' corporate cultures are not fun. They can be corrosive and can work against the organization, hindering cooperation among colleagues. Sometimes it works in prestigious corporations, where there is always a demand to work there, but in other instances people get tired of that environment and don't stay long. Big 4s are notorious for this and as a result can have a 20% - 25% turnover rate.This is a long thread, and don't remember the nuances, but I think you did the right thing, showed your superiors you care about your career. If they cannot be happy that you are going back to school, eff them. If you get an offer for that new job, go for it.Best of luck.

OP

I suspect the other engineers who were promoted are not in here whining. They are men.

'the other engineer who started around my time got promoted. He is a good engineer and deserves it, but my work has consistently been at least as good as his work.'

So it was a 50/50 between you and him someone had to be disappointed

your work may be ok - between the emotional break down, and likely inability to directly effect profit you probably don't deserve a raise. Your salary is already outrageous when you compare to the global median, especially when you consider your minimal entry level skill.

Be directly responsible for successful products, jobs, or projects and this will change.

I think he's suggesting human civilization is a consequence of human nature.

"The only negative points were about "composure" (in other words, I got noticeably emotional at work a few times)."

You're noticeably emotional on this thread too? How about your personal life? Is it something you feel you need to work on?

You Are What You Is wrote:

It's not really his fault. If he's an engineer in his 20s, then it's the culture around him. Somehow working 80-hour weeks without getting paid for the extra time is "cool" for some unknown reason. He's not just cattle, he wants to be first in line in the chute.

What are you talking about? Practically no one works 80 hours a week in engineering. Maybe in Oil/Gas or some tech companies, but it's not commonplace. Most people work 40-50.