Anyone dated a girl with a borderline personality disorder?

fhain wrote:

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I think the basic definition of the disorder is an indication that the affected are only capable of relating to others in some sociopathic way. In other words if they are not doing some thing to actively destroy the relationship and / or alienate the other person, then you're dealing with some other disorder. It can't "work out" with a borderline person the same way you can't have a square ball. If it's square, it ain't a ball.

Correct. I met my second wife and embarked on a torrid love affair. Within 10 weeks we were engaged to be married. We eventually did marry, but after 11 weeks of being married, I could deal with the nonsense no more. I moved out, severed all links and only dealt with her through my attorney.

I know she was BPD because in retrospect, the only "up" times were there to set me up for the next destructive episode. I moved out to stay with a friend for a while before we got married and she just couldn't deal with it. Begged me to return. But within 2 days, more drama......

It's exhausting and self-destructive. This website - and more specifically that other thread I linked to - really really helped me in my darkest moments to begin to see things a little more clearly. I wasn't alone in this nightmare I was experiencing. And reading about the experiences of those other guys in that other thread really really helped. I hope this one does for you too. No-one should go through what I went through.

I married one and went through 13 years of hell. AS others have said, they steal your energy. Lie chet and steal. We had 2 kids together, the youngest suffered the worst. The absolute truth is you must get out. It is a huge mistake to think they can ever change. They will never readily accept the help they so desperatetly need.

Field Good wrote:

Why is he an a-hole ? You have no clue if you think he is the a-hole.

Nope. I know EXACTLY what I am talking about.

Here are some hints for you in case you have reading comprehension problems:

"she wound up homeless and literally living in her car"

"she was a heroin addict"

"I let her come by the house once during her car-living period just for the humour of it"

"in spite of her obvious mental disorder she was still hot enough that I was hoping I'd get to ball her one more time"

"I laughed my ass off the rest of the night"

Any questions?

ray wrote:

I married one and went through 13 years of hell. AS others have said, they steal your energy. Lie chet and steal. We had 2 kids together, the youngest suffered the worst. The absolute truth is you must get out. It is a huge mistake to think they can ever change. They will never readily accept the help they so desperatetly need.

Yeah. I still don't see why HE's the a-hole. In normal relationships yeah, maybe. But with a BPD. They are pure evil. So the guy wanted to get laid one more time out of spite or just for fun (BPDs are great in bed). Sorry, but once you have been with one, it is possible (and maybe healthy) to laugh at their self induced problems that once the sucked the life out of you (and be happy that you no longer have to deal with it). You don't get it so I suggest you just move on and hope you never have to deal with a BPD in a relationship.

Field Good wrote:

Yeah. I still don't see why HE's the a-hole. In normal relationships yeah, maybe. But with a BPD. They are pure evil. So the guy wanted to get laid one more time out of spite or just for fun (BPDs are great in bed). Sorry, but once you have been with one, it is possible (and maybe healthy) to laugh at their self induced problems that once the sucked the life out of you (and be happy that you no longer have to deal with it). You don't get it so I suggest you just move on and hope you never have to deal with a BPD in a relationship.

They're not evil, they're sick. He knew she was sick and wanted to take advantage.

Hate to Say It Butt wrote:

Nope. I know EXACTLY what I am talking about.

Here are some hints for you in case you have reading comprehension problems:

"she wound up homeless and literally living in her car"

"she was a heroin addict"

"I let her come by the house once during her car-living period just for the humour of it"

"in spite of her obvious mental disorder she was still hot enough that I was hoping I'd get to ball her one more time"

"I laughed my ass off the rest of the night"

Any questions?

This is awesome. I AM an a-hole, but definitely not because of any of the above. The swath of destruction that girl laid on every person who ever was nice to her or tried to help her in any way was truely astonishing. She ended up living in her car because she burned every friend who tried to help her. Hard burned, like stealing and selling their stuff while a guest at their house. She was an evil, degenerate person who deserved every ounce of self-caused strife that came her way, and more.

She got from me, free of charge (I didn't get to ball with her again which is definitely for the best), a free meal (her first in a day or two) and her laundry washed (first time in probably weeks). Could have bathed herself too, hot water and all, but refused. I didn't include it in the story but I also gave her 200 bucks cash money so she could go to a hotel because she wouldn't stay at my place. I knew she wouldn't really go to a hotel either, but the 200 allowed me to feel better about how happy it made me to see her at last reaping what she'd long sown, and I was doing by far well enough not to miss 200 bucks. It was a gift because I knew I'd never see it back.

So old girl made out pretty well that afternoon, and didn't even have to lay down for it. Which by the way would have been far from torture for her also. Frankly she was lucky I was even considering it, given her condition and state of hygiene.

You sir, or madam, sound like the type who's never dealt with a woman in a real-life romantical association. They aren't all precious snowflakes and delicate as chinaglass. In fact none of them are. Least of all the type of life-annihilating psychotics under present scrutiny. Go ahead and carry that white-knight sympathy to your nearest emotionally unstable manipulative sociopath. I am sure they will appreciate every ounce of it while they milk you dry.

What difference does it make whether she has BPD? Sounds like you have enough information to run the other way, regardless.

No, you are in fact an a-hole for EXACTLY the reasons that I spelled out.

And just in case you are serious with your childish naivety I can assure you that I have far more experience in romantic relationships and even in romantic relationships with the seriously mentally ill than you will ever have the misfortune to experience, witness or even imagine.

No Way wrote:

They're not evil, they're sick. He knew she was sick and wanted to take advantage.

Yes. The responses here are certainly understandable given how terrible being with someone with BPD can be. However, I think some thought should be given to how sad and isolating having BPD must be. These are not happy people that are being discussed and they typically cannot live normal lives. Drug abuse, sexual issues, can't hold down a job, not to mention the internal emotional states that cause them to do all of the crazy, destructive things they do. Treatment is difficult. Apparently meditation can help -- really, it's part of dialectical behavior therapy, the main approach to treating BPD. So if someone you know with these kinds of symptoms can be turned on to that sort of thing, try it.

I'm in shock right now. I finally got on this forum again today and read all the responses. I literally was jumping at the screen because this is exactly how my girlfriend will act. How did I not realize there was a bigger issue like this? I think I got use to it and took it as normal and okay.

Not to sound lame, but I'm almost in tears to hear these stories and see others have dealt with my situations. However, she does not have all the signs you speak of (at least that I know of). Maybe she has a form of BPD?

I'm excited to hear others know what I am talking about, but I'm also pretty sad hearing everyone tell me to go. I guess I didn't realize the gravity of this. This hasn't changed and you are probably right, it won't change. I was hoping to hear people tell me things got better or medication worked...but to be honest, I don't even think she would go through the process of diagnoses. She would deny she has anything wrong.

I am trying to get into counseling for myself, but she mentioned that we should go together. However, I'm nervous about that because she really knows how to make other people think I'm the problem. I don't know how she does it. But there are a lot of people who think I'm a terrible guy. I wonder if she could do that to the therapist too?

Thanks so much for these posts.

BPD is tough wrote:

Yes. The responses here are certainly understandable given how terrible being with someone with BPD can be. However, I think some thought should be given to how sad and isolating having BPD must be. These are not happy people that are being discussed and they typically cannot live normal lives. Drug abuse, sexual issues, can't hold down a job, not to mention the internal emotional states that cause them to do all of the crazy, destructive things they do. Treatment is difficult. Apparently meditation can help -- really, it's part of dialectical behavior therapy, the main approach to treating BPD. So if someone you know with these kinds of symptoms can be turned on to that sort of thing, try it.

I definitely don't buy into the "they're sick, they can't help it" bull. These people are not intellectually defective. They know right from wrong, they're not retards. Thirty years ago there wouldn't be some disorder classification for them and all of this quasi-medical-community "it's a disease" horse bung, they'd just be a$$holes. I don't feel sorry for them, the same as I don't feel sorry for the pedophile who rapes a 6 year old because he "can't help it" or the dude who blows away a school full of teenagers because he's a psychopath. It doesn't take a ton of self-control to refrain from physically attacking your boyfriend while he is driving a car at freeway speeds, or opening the door threatening to leap from the car, or stealing stuff from the home of a friend who is trying to help you, or lying to the police to get your husband thrown in jail for an abuse he didn't do.

It's the world. Shit happens. Not everything is someone else's fault. You can't scapegoat or rationalise your way out of being a twisted wretched person who wreaks havoc in the lives of others. Some people are just a$$holes. They just call it a different name today.

If I was dropped on my face as a baby, would it be my fault? No. But that doesn't matter. I'd still be ugly as sin, and the world would treat me accordingly. Many times the whys and hows of a thing don't and shouldn't matter. We'd be better off focussing on the tangible effects of this or that and reacting accordingly, than trying always to find some way to exonerate people for the harm they've wantonly caused.

Hate to Say It Butt wrote:

No, you are in fact an a-hole for EXACTLY the reasons that I spelled out.

And just in case you are serious with your childish naivety I can assure you that I have far more experience in romantic relationships and even in romantic relationships with the seriously mentally ill than you will ever have the misfortune to experience, witness or even imagine.

Is that you Victoria? How you been, kid? Like I said, the 200 was a gift, I still don't need it back.

To be clear, I wasn't excusing their behavior, or saying that we should accept it.Your example of a pedophile is a good one. You wouldn't tempt a known pedophile by putting them in a room full of whatever kind of kids they like, would you? You'd be an a-hole for doing so. Likewise, this guy was an a-hole for trying to take advantage of this girl.

LAUGHING OUT LOUD. That was great.

crazy horce wrote:

Hate to Say It Butt wrote:

No, you are in fact an a-hole for EXACTLY the reasons that I spelled out.

And just in case you are serious with your childish naivety I can assure you that I have far more experience in romantic relationships and even in romantic relationships with the seriously mentally ill than you will ever have the misfortune to experience, witness or even imagine.

Is that you Victoria? How you been, kid? Like I said, the 200 was a gift, I still don't need it back.

Hate to Say It Butt wrote:

I have far more experience ... in romantic relationships with the seriously mentally ill than you will ever... blah blah blah

dude wtf? seriously mentally ill? relationshipSSSS plural? you're dating multiple retards or what? it almost sounds like you're bragging on it.

BPDs are masters of manipulation - and yes, will merely manipulate the therapist. Most BPDs are highly intelligent and have a lifetime of experience in manipulating people for their own benefit. And, very few WANT help, as they fail to see they have problem. I even contacted my BPD GF's family for an intervention - but none of them wanted do it, as they feared that she would disown them and they would never see her son again. Bottom line is that YOU need to get over the "heal the wounded bird syndrome" - you can't fix her. Check out this website - its one of the best I've found for people who are or who have been in relationships with BDS. Read the articles in the BPD section of the website. http://www.sharischreiber.com/articles.html Good Luck.

A very subtle, educated, and mature view of mental illness.

Let's be clear here. Almost all mental health professionals agree that BPD is not a mental illness. Bi-Polar Disorder, for example, is a mental illness. But BPDs are not classified as "mentally ill". BPD is an emotional development disorder, and is not the same as a mental illness.