Can my fat, slovenly friend show the office Facebook Hero what's up?

talking about JC i believe wrote:

It's always good to hear guys from the old high school team are still doing well.

KG

Haha, yes indeed.

Easily. I resemble your fat friend except I'm older (mid-30's) and don't smoke, but was also slightly slower than your fat friend in my prime. After two full years of virtually no running (seriously 10-15 miles per *month*), I ran a half marathon in 1:30. Your friend is younger and significantly more talented. He should beat Facebook Hero comfortably if he runs 15 miles total between now and then.

not tactical wrote:

Has he come up with his racing tactics yet? Sit on the Hero's shoulder the whole race? Mess with him with surging tactics?

I think that Fatty will probably try to blow him out from the gun. At least that was his typical style back in HS. I am going to try to convince him to wait until the 3rd mile. I guess we will probably wait until closer to race day to determine the best plan of action. We are shooting for something in late August. We just need to wait for Hero to announce his late summer/early fall racing plans (via Facebook, of course).

The most annoying/embarrassing thing your friend could do to this guy during the race would be to run right next to him and chit chat, mostly about how he's never raced before and it seems really easy. Ask questions like, "How long is this marathon?" Then, during the third mile say, "Well, nice to meet you, I'm going to speed up a bit just to get this thing over with."

M. Sandrock wrote:

The most annoying/embarrassing thing your friend could do to this guy during the race would be to run right next to him and chit chat, mostly about how he's never raced before and it seems really easy. Ask questions like, "How long is this marathon?" Then, during the third mile say, "Well, nice to meet you, I'm going to speed up a bit just to get this thing over with."

If he could manage this wearing Walmart shoes and shorts, the race tee stained with yogurt, tube socks and a headband holding back greasy hair, we have a winner.

this is funny

M. Sandrock wrote:

Ask questions like, "How long is this marathon?"

M. Sandrock wrote:

The most annoying/embarrassing thing your friend could do to this guy during the race would be to run right next to him and chit chat, mostly about how he's never raced before and it seems really easy. Ask questions like, "How long is this marathon?" Then, during the third mile say, "Well, nice to meet you, I'm going to speed up a bit just to get this thing over with."

EXCELLENT!

not tactical wrote:

Has he come up with his racing tactics yet? Sit on the Hero's shoulder the whole race? Mess with him with surging tactics?

I agree with this somewhat. Sit on his shoulder. Breathe like a Yeti. Do anything at all costs to be at least make his presence known. Then blow his doors off in the last 800m. Take off like a scalded rat, leaving him behind in a stench of domino's pizza and marlboro.

There is a risk to all this that Fatty needs to understand:

in the words of Fernando Lamas "it is better to look good, than to run good"

If Fatty loses, his wife will start an affair with Facebook office hero. If Fatty wins, but looks fat and does not win by a decisive margin, then his wife will continue the affair which she probably already started. Fatty only comes out of this okay if he wins big.

Honestly, this is a pretty uncool thing for you to do to Fatty. Odds are this goes poorly for him.

pls bro, you are clearly rooting for fb hero. you are probably a hobby jogger just like him. make sure you get those new $150 nike flats so you can break 20 mins.

look out for this hotshot!!! wrote:

says the BMW-driving, hotshot businessman with a 500K/yr salary, hottie wife, and current 13:40 5K PR.

won't you PLEASE tell us about you career & running successes as of late?!? you were so quick to post in this thread to bash others, so you must be dying to share!

moreaccurately wrote:

This thread should be called "dudes who haven't achieved anything of substance in running or in life and are desperate to prove themselves against other dudes in the same position"

I drive a Maserati, make $1M/year, have a hot wife AND girlfriend, and my PR is 13:25. Can I share too?

bingo wrote:

If Fatty wins, but looks fat and does not win by a decisive margin, then his wife will continue the affair which she probably already started. Fatty only comes out of this okay if he wins big.

Honestly, this is a pretty uncool thing for you to do to Fatty. Odds are this goes poorly for him.

Disagree with this. Looks tend to be less important to women than they are to men, and FH will look like the lesser man if he loses wearing $300 worth of running gear, especially if Fatty doesn't even train regularly.

This thread is no longer just about helping Fatty win, OP could very well end up saving Fatty's marriage.

HELP SAVE FATTY'S MARRIAGE!

P.S. Fatty should run in a dirty pair of Salvation Army high tops.

Fatty should probably wear the following:

black socks, Chucks, madras shorts, a wifebeater t-shirt that is too short and leaves his belly exposed and flopping. A headband would be optional.

BUT he has to win big and smoke the FB guy, or else his marriage could be over.

Dr. Steve Brule wrote:

Hey man, really good luck to you beating your wife's office "Hero."

Sounds like you've finally hurdled the denial and want to get back in shape, NO?!?!?

^^^ Funny, I was thinking the exact same thing. OP it's obvious that your "fatty friend" is you. I love the part where you throw in all these detailed stats about "him".

Does this Facebook Hero or your wife even know about this sad "competition"?

My prediction is that you pull a hamstring in the last 100 meters and you'll be back to drinking and smoking within a week.

Fatty should also smoke a cigarette at the finish line in full view of FH and be sure to be smoking one during their post-race conversation.

Fatty's wife: "Facebook Hero, this is my husband, Fatty. Fatty, you remember Facebook Hero from the Christmas party, right?"

Fatty: {puts cigarette in mouth and wipes hand on sweaty basketball shorts before shaking FH's hand} "Oh yeah, you're the big runner, I hear, right? Good to see you...

...hey, nice shoes."

Why not have fatty run directly in front of fb hero the entire race dropping beefy stink bombs the whole way. Farting is always the answer.

Nope, I am not Fatty. He is my best friend. "Talking about JC I believe" from page one can verify this. He was also on our High School team.

Yes!

No!