How to orchestrate multiple online dating meetups?

Training Advice/Discussion General

9 years ago 05/29/2014 8:23am EDT

Recently I made a profile on an online dating service. I felt silly about it but figured 'why not' because I'm in a new area and pretty much isolated from anyone I know. After a few weeks I got lucky and multiple women have asked if I'd like to get dinner / go hiking / go to a concert and this all occurs Friday-Saturday. I was surprised that I got even one message, let alone multiple ones, but it's too late to do anything about that now.

This would mean 3 separate dates in two days. Now I am not a scumbag and I don't want to be deceptive to these women. Should I only go out with one (presumably, my 'favorite' of the three) and tell the other two that something came up? Or should I be 100% transparent and let them know that I have other dates later in the day.

I have a feeling that would backfire, but I just don't want this to snowball into a huge mess of lies and deception. I don't want to get into a situation where I keep seeing multiple women simultaneously and have to continue a huge bag of lies.

TL;DR - be upfront about multiple dates, or cancel the less appealing ones?

9 years ago 05/29/2014 8:54am EDT

re: EharmChamp

I wouldn't lie, but just schedule ones on each day, and only do the second if you really want to after the first girl. Or you could be okay meeting new friends. It doesn't have to be about sex, nor does that have to be exclusive.

9 years ago 05/29/2014 9:07am EDT

re: EharmChamp

Mate, you do realize that EHarmony is a dating website? You are supposed to go on there and date, not just marry the first person that responds to your message. It would be fairly normal to ask them if they have met anyone good so far, and they will probably ask you too. Just be honest. However, there are other days in the week. Why risk having to cut a good date short by scheduling two in the same day?

9 years ago 05/29/2014 9:11am EDT

re: EharmChamp

Just pick one or two of them for the first weekend, then tell the other(s) that you are booked this weekend, but would like to get together during the week or next weekend. If all 3 interest you on some level, don't shut any of them out at such an early stage in the process.

9 years ago 05/29/2014 9:19am EDT

re: EharmChamp

you dont have to give anyone an explanation - simply schedule the dates on different days - you dont want to brush off any of them just yet because your fave now could turn into your least fave tomorrow and vice versa

9 years ago 05/29/2014 9:30am EDT

re: EharmChamp

Please tell us how you go about choosing your "favorite" given you don't know any of these women.

9 years ago 05/29/2014 11:11am EDT

re: locker room observer

Assume all of those women are also datong other guys. They will assume you are dating others. Dont ask directly as it is none of your business and makes you look insecure. If you get to the point that you want to be exclusive then talk to her about it. Give ot a few dates first

9 years ago 05/29/2014 11:38am EDT

re: EharmChamp

My current girl friend went on 10 first dates- coffee only, which is what I do as well. She told me up front that she was doing that. She made second dates with two. In the end she chose me for further dating. That was three years ago.

Schedule a quick meet with all three. All you are trying to establish is if you would like to go on a real date with one of them, and see if they are really how their profile makes them out to be. (Shocker- people lie on their online profiles sometimes!) Coffee dates are no more than 20 minutes. Tell them up front you would like to meet for a quick 20 minutes and then you have to leave. Line them up in a row if you can, but put a little time and distance between them to avoid unintended overlap.

Also, there is no stigma to online dating. So many people do it now.

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