Wife is getting fat. What to do?

OP - I was in almost exactly the same situation. Around 4 years ago we were married for almost six years, a year or two after my wife gave birth to our second kid. She didn't look good, and moreso than gaining weight, she wasn't trying to look good at all. I had a pretty serious heart-to-heart and let her know it was important to our marriage she remain confident and try to remain youthful and attractive. I'm sure someone will think I'm a jerk, but the truth is I want my wife to look nice and she seemingly had lost all urge to remain fit and dress nicely. She took it seriously and started running again and has looked great the past five years. It was a real difficult, emotional talk to have, and she was super sad but in the end I think it worked out. Good luck.

Banjo wrote:

Barry Badrinath wrote:

He never said he enjoys his work, hobbies, and friends without interruption. He never even said he enjoys his work at all. He never said that his wife has to devote all of her life to the children.

You made all of that up. You did nothing but complain about the stereotypical lazy and ungrateful husband.

Also, monetary income is, in fact, a "child rearing responsibility".

Lol, of course he didn't say any of those things in his post. You think he's going to make himself look bad? What we DO know (assuming the OP isn't a complete troll, which is a real possibility) is that he is a married father of two young children who turned to an anonymous message board for marital advice. Based on that information alone, it's not a stretch to conclude he is a bit of an immature tool.

I know he didn't say any of those things. In fact I pointed this out.

Reading back to double-check......

Nope. All of that lazy husband shit was still made up. Sorry.

Is asking an anonymous message board for marital advice more toolish than giving out marital advice on an anonymous message board?

By the way, half-admitting that OP may be a troll doesn't make you look like less of an idiot if he is. You already went all-in with the reply.

Bump

Get your wife into some ultra marathons. I do them. They are great fun. Although I slid down a talus slope on a training run once and my ass lost a great deal of flesh.

NJ Possible wrote:I'm sure someone will think I'm a jerk, but the truth is I want my wife to look nice and she seemingly had lost all urge to remain fit and dress nicely.

Yep, you're right. You superficial SOB.

vivalarepublica wrote:

Why would that sort of trek break up the marriage? Coming from a person that has done those sorts of things, I would think that it could only strengthen things.

Please don't be a patronizing a$$. I've done plenty of grueling, lengthy hikes myself and enjoyed them. It requires fitness, endurance, preparation, time and skill. I get the sense that the OP's wife doesn't have much of this and hence, it is probably something she would interpret as a punishment and/or resent.

You do realize that anything on this message board can be completely made up, right?

And surely you also realize that the OP is only giving one side of the story, assuming his post is legit?

Finally, based on your heated reply, it could be argued that you went more "all in" with a response than I did.

Conclusion: YOU are the idiot.

NJ Possible wrote:I'm a jerk, but the truth is I want my wife to look nice and she seemingly had lost all urge to remain fit and dress nicely.

^^Total prick, though he gets a few brownie points for correctly applying -ly at the end of the word 'nice'. There's nothing more offensive than a person who chooses to omit adverbs from sentences.

Nice try but I am 40.

Banjo wrote:

what would/coild you do wrote:

This doesn't reflect on the OP. People who gain weight after marriage because they don't care anymore show a huge amount of disrespect to their partner. This goes for male and female. If both people want to let themselves go that's one thing...but for one person to work hard to maintain a healthy life, not just for looks, but also for longevity, and the other to not give a crap is hugely unfair and is extremely inconsiderate. If my wife did that I would not touch her primarily because it shows deep down she doesn't care about me or what I want.

Well said, 17-year old LetsRun poster! Tell us, where did one so young acquire such a deep understanding of human relationships?

Or are you the OP, posting under a different handle?

She could go vegan. The weight will melt off, esp mixed with some running. Ignore comments about grains, protein, fat, etc. Watch some of Tim VanOrden's videos and read Jurek's Eat & Run. Throw away the scale and stop obsessing. Just eat like these guys. It works.

The outward weight gain is an indicator of an inward change. Rather than hide her inward problem, she is communicating it not via talking, but by displaying it via appearance change. She is expressing her desire for help by carrying a sign with nothing written on it. Give her permission to write on that blank sign.

She owes it to herself and she owes it to you to woman up and be the woman of strength and compassion by being strong and compassionate to herself. A family is a sailboat sailing through storms, and all hands are needed on deck.

"Perception is our greatest challenge."

-Billy Mills

Start hanging out with fatter people. That'll make you feel better about yourselves.

Johnny Appleseed wrote:

The outward weight gain is an indicator of an inward change. Rather than hide her inward problem, she is communicating it not via talking, but by displaying it via appearance change. She is expressing her desire for help by carrying a sign with nothing written on it. Give her permission to write on that blank sign.

She owes it to herself and she owes it to you to woman up and be the woman of strength and compassion by being strong and compassionate to herself. A family is a sailboat sailing through storms, and all hands are needed on deck.

"Perception is our greatest challenge."

-Billy Mills

Well, at least that makes one mature, marriable person on this board.

Pics?

Husbandoliver wrote:

She complains about it, and finally I told her to go see a doctor. She got mad at me for acknowledging her weight gain.

1) A doctor for weight gain? Wouldn't that normally be the last thing you try?

Yeah-- it is possible that it is some sort of medical problem, but most likely she's just tired from two kids and eating to keep her energy level up. I know I put on weight every time a kid was born and I got sleep-deprived.

2) You ever think of supporting her? College athletes are pretty driven people.

Joint activities (long hikes on the weekends where you carry your own food, breaking out the jogging stroller, cooking together???) would likely help you both and are much more likely than any trip to the doctor.

I see this all the time.....the husband still enjoys all of his activities while the wife has to do everything. Be a good husband, do your share of the chores and other responsibilities and then spend active time with your wife. You need to remind her that you still love and appreciate her even if she has gained a bit of weight. If you don't think that her eating is going well, take over the cooking and chose healthy meals. Invite her to go on walks or hikes, or bike rides or if she is so inclined.....pick a goal, such as training for a fun race and work on that together. Keep it about being healthy and remember to appreciate your wife. It is what you can do for her that matters.....don't make it about you. Remember....Happy Wife...Happy Life. And if you can't do that then you are in for a miserable marriage.

lol jurek? - you mean the guy with the fat arms who runs ultras???

runner who professes wrote:

She could go vegan. The weight will melt off, esp mixed with some running. Ignore comments about grains, protein, fat, etc. Watch some of Tim VanOrden's videos and read Jurek's Eat & Run. Throw away the scale and stop obsessing. Just eat like these guys. It works.

delete cookies, history, searches, everything. because if she finds that you did this, she will probably kill you by sitting on you

What kinds of foods does your wife eat? WIth two small kids she is probably very busy and doesn't have time for sit-down meals and is grabbing convenience food to eat on the go. Chances are she's eating a lot of starchy crap. Say that you want to improve your own nutrition and need her to help you, then both of you write down everything you eat over a 3 day period. I bet she's eating cereal, snack crackers, fast food, etc. It's amazing what a better diet will do for you. And stop with the LSD and do some high intensity training. Otherwise the middle aged spread is gonna happen.

glad to see somebody speaks up against the insanity here on LR. It is a lonely battle, I assume?