Graduated from college. Single. Working. Finding it difficult to find meaning in life.

I'm assuming you're a bit young for this yet, but one of the things that gives your life the most meaning and fulfillment is having children. They are the most important legacy you can ever leave, and you are genetically wired to procreate. It is work, but it comes with intrinsic rewards, if done in the proper setting of a loving relationship with a spouse and an investment in the kids. Too many people shirk this responsibility, which is why we have so many morally, financially, and emotionally bankrupt kids. Marry well.

Hobbies can be pleasurable, and finding a job that you actually enjoy is probably a much better decision than settling on one (and living in an undesirable place) and working toward "retirement." You are never guaranteed tomorrow. So make wise decisions and have gratitude for every day, even the little things, especially the little things. And the poster who said doing acts of charity will bring you joy is correct. Philanthropic pursuits are far better, far more meaningful than what my day job used to be, and I didn't mind my job at all.

you gotta double your mileage, bro. That's the only answer.

mileagerun wrote:

you gotta double your mileage, bro. That's the only answer.

There is another option. He may need to triple it. I mean, you know how lazy kids these days are.

What is it in your heart to do? Do it.

It's almost corny, but Joseph Campbell got it right when he said "Follow Your Bliss".

Hint: Money is not gonna make you happy. It's fine to make a lot if you can, but it is not the answer.

Uncle Sam is always looking for a few good men and women.

This happens because there is no real sense of community anywhere. If you finish school and happen to find yourself in a situation (or create the situation) where you quickly get a bunch of friends then you have an adult community and the transition is smooth to post-college living. However often times this is hard and without a community this lack of meaning takes over. Even with a community to be a part of there can still be a lack of self-identity when, like someone already said, you leave the world of school where short term goals rule and enter the adult world where the goal just seems to be to live well until you die.

So my two pieces of advice are:

1. do everything you can, like going out of your comfort zone, to meet people - maybe join groups/clubs - to get that community going.

2. make short term and long term goals for yourself. Make sure they include both personal accomplishments and social accomplishments. If you're a typical skinny runner maybe lift a bunch (or yoga or whatever) and get in better shape in a way you haven't been before, or learn about stuff that you're interested that isn't part of your career, pick up a hobby (hell, pick up two!) in which you accomplish something (like woodcraft, electronics, painting, piano, computer programming, etc). Or decide to go on an adventure and work towards it for a year until you are ready. Like say a cross country bike trip, a kayaking trip, a long wilderness/hiking adventure, traveling (maybe start learning a language to prepare), etc. By social accomplishments I mean get a friend or several friends to do some of these things with you or do things that will help you gain friends in the process.

If you don't actively strive for something you're just gonna go to work then come home and sit in front of the tv/computer, repeat for 40 years and get fat and old and regretful and then retire and be fatter, older, and lonely, then you'll die. So anytime you get off work and don't have plans, either make plans with people, or start working towards one of these hobby/self-improvement/adventures type goals. You must create your own meaning in life through dedication to the craft of living your life.

I had a disappointing college career, so I've started training seriously again. At least 3 days a week, I'm excited to wake up for a workout or hard long run. That's fun.

If you don't live in a major metropolitan area, move to one, or fairly close to one.

I grew up in small town/semi rural USA, moved back after college and was bored as hell for 2 years before I moved to and lived in Seattle from age 25-30. Go to a cool place if you can. Go out, have fun, meet people and make friends.

Do psychedelic drugs. LSD/magic mushrooms/DMT just a couple times.

I think it's great you feel this way. This is the start of getting more things in life.

I also cannot work just to work. A goal is needed.

I found something great the last 5 yrs, filled w/ goals & targets to achieve. But now I'm targeting my boss's job (lateral equivalent) because I'd love it... & the money. If I can't get it here, then it'll be at another company.

IMO managing others is a great step towards career-fulfillment. Challenging & it opens doors for your whole career. It's never "too young" to manage others. Don't be nervous- although everybody is when first doing it.

Also, I got my MBA a few yrs ago- VERY different & better than the undergrad grind. I'm sure your work reimburses, so take advantage- even 2 courses/yr add up. If you like overseas travel, try a foreign language with the MBA.

My grad work & going hard after my career hopes, have really helped me in regards to working towards something. Then of course, there are the hobbies others spoke of.

bleh wrote:

I've started training seriously again. At least 3 days a week...

Not to change the topic..... But "training seriously... At least 3 days a week"???

Life is all about new experiences. Train for a race. Go on a trip. Sleep with multiple women in a month. Join a social group of some kind and force yourself to go to their events even if they seem lame. Go to grad school. Brew some beer. Go to church. Eat out at new restaurants. Blow off work for a day. Make extra effort to stay connected to your buds. Make new buds. Get shit faced on a random evening. Go to a concert or sporting event.

Most importantly, however, stay off Letsrun and forget the idea of finding long term happiness or satisfaction in your job or career. Work exists to give you somewhere to go in the morning and allow you to do the stuff that you enjoy. Work with people you like. Don't worry too much about money and give up on the idea of a strict meritocracy. Unless you are a political animal then the working world will find a way to scr$w you.

It's all about being with people you like, appreciating the little pleasures and not getting too down about all the shlt you will have to eat.

I'm actually understanding pretty well what the OP is saying.

projects needed wrote:

I am not complaining or looking for sympathy. I realize I have things pretty good. I am just having a hard time feeling any sort of excitement about life. It doesn't seem like I have anything to really ever look forward to, or anything to feel passionate about. In school, there were always projects, grades, new classes, etc, as well as races and upcoming seasons to look forward to. Now that I've been out of school a while (about 7 months) and have a steady job, it just seems like every day is more or the less the same, that I'm not working towards anything. I'm finding it kind of monotonous. I'd like to change things, but I'm not really sure what to do.

What do you do to keep yourself excited about life? What projects do you give yourself to keep you motivated and engaged?

Yea, I remember going through that phase big time. Fist of all, it's never going to be quite the same as the innocent, carefree college days. Face it, those days are gone. That's a brief period in everyone's life that has very little relation to reality. And once you engage in matrimony and she starts dropping kids, you can kiss any sense of freedom and bliss goodbye. That's just the way it is.

There is no reason for your life. If you died tomorrow the world will go on with no profound difference at all. And that is true of most everyone that has ever lived.

Thats why people that commit suicide are so short sighted, their end of life solves nothing, proves nothing, or causes a great difference.

My advice would be to concentrate on your most rudimentary wants and needs, good food, hard work outs, and great sex. Even two out of the three will make a man pretty happy.

To the OP, read this book:

http://www.jacobneedleman.com/books/

This thread got a little beyond your initial question, which is a simple and universal one. I struggled with the same issues and I sincerely think that your 20s are some of the most stressful years of your life, even though we are all told your teens (performing in high school, getting into college, performing in college) and 30s (kids/marriage, etc) are when your stress is the highest. You go from the small world of college where choices are simple to the real world where choices become overwhelming and your college identity no longer applies. You are certainly not alone feeling disenchanted, confused and bored.

My only advice (which was given to me when I struggled) is do your best to make your personal world more manageable (smaller) and do things that give you confidence. Moving into the real world can be a big kick in the nuts where rejection (jobs, women, whatever) and isolation (not in a dorm or within a block of your buddies) are two consistent themes out of school.

What worked for me was volunteering (big brothers), which will always put things in perspective, and returning to those sports and activities which I gave up in pursuit of running. Do stuff you know you are good at to re-establish your confidence levels, and then move on to new things which you can afford to suck at, like all those things a previous poster suggested, which are all great.

It's all easier said than done, but just take solace in the fact that everyone goes through that post-college shock. Hang in there, try to be positive, make a schedule and stick to it, and you'll be fine.

I've seen several mentions of trying a psychedelic drug. Something like LSD would be interesting to try, not to do drugs or to feel good, but for the purpose of finding yourself. LSD will take you on a spiritual (not religious, spiritual) journey which will make you appreciate life, others, yourself, love, etc. But keep in mind to be careful about not getting caught with it.

Sagarin wrote:

“For whosoever shall save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.”

“For what is a man profited, if he gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"

- Matthew

"He he would forsake truth in the name of happiness shall have neither."

-Nattering Nabob

Travis: Well, I know you and I ain't talked too much, you know, but I figured you've been around alot so you could...

Wizard: Shoot. That's why they call me the Wizard.

Travis: I got, it's just that I got a, I got a...

Wizard: Things uh, things got ya down?

Travis: Yeah.

Wizard: Yeah, it happens to the best of us.

Travis: Yeah, I got me a real down, real...I just wanna go out and, and you know like really, really, really do somethin'.

Wizard: The taxi life you mean?

Travis: Yeah, well. Naw, I don't know. I just wanna go out. I really, you know, I really wanna, I got some bad ideas in my head, I just...

Wizard: Look, look at it this way, you know uh, a man, a man takes a job, you know, and that job, I mean like that, and that it becomes what he is. You know like uh, you do a thing and that's what you are. Like I've been a, I've been a cabbie for seventeen years, ten years at night and I still don't own my own cab. You know why? 'Cause I don't want to. I must be what I, what I want. You know, to be on the night shift drivin' somebody else's cab. Understand? You, you, you become, you get a job, you you become the job. One guy lives in Brooklyn, one guy lives in Sutton Place, you get a lawyer, another guy's a doctor, another guy dies, another guy gets well, and you know, people are born. I envy you your youth. Go out and get laid. Get drunk, you know, do anything. 'Cause you got no choice anyway. I mean we're all f**ked, more or less you know?

Travis: Yeah, I don't know. That's about the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Wizard: I'm not Bertrand Russell. Well what do ya want. I'm a cabbie you know. What do I know? I mean, I don't even know what the f--- you're talkin' about.

Travis: Yeah I don't know. Maybe I don't know either.

Wizard: Don't worry so much. Relax "Killer," you're gonna be all right. I know I seen a lot of people and uh, I know.

Taxi Driver

written by Paul Schrader