My wife bought a puppy without my prior agreement.

My wife got a Pomeranian, intentionally when I was out of the country.

First off, our relationship has been off on for 6 years now. Me taking the step to move to her house was a big and difficult one, leaving my loved ones and house behind.

The last conversation we had was me saying; just because you miss me, don't go out and get a dog.

The second to last conversation we had was her telling me it's now about us and out decisions, not me and mine.

I hate dogs! I resent dogs! all dogs. I had dogs growing up, and as an adult I made a firm choice not to date a woman who was a dog owner. Is like one of my only weird non-negotiable issues.

I know she didn't get the dog out of evilness, or willingly trying to ruin our relationship before it started, as I have just moved into her house and now live with her kids, leaving my house and my kids behind.

I truly believe she is ignorant, egotistical, and naive as a person. As her right, being a single parent of 3, in her 40's. There's a lifelong story making her into what she is. And most of it I can see through, and love unconditionally.

But this dog situation is really hurting us. It's hurting my integrity, and our relationship is taking a dump as of now. She resents me for resenting the dog, and any form of constructive criticism is now turning into a stalemate, as there is no solution.

I thought of two solutions,

one, get rid of the dog, or you are actually choosing it over devoted and unconditional love from me

second, not mentioned, I go out and get a dog. But catch 22, I hate dogs.

when I moved in, my kids and I wanted to keep our family cat. He was the most cuddly cute thing, and we're all very attached to him. she would not allow it, as she didn't want to have to clean up hair after it.

so we had to part with our pet love, in her defence not wanting to clean up cat hair.

but instead, she's cleaning up dog piss all over the place, newspapers in a new part of the house every week... shit cleanup on a daily basis, and the occasional puke here and there... not forgetting wet dog smell all over the place.

I think there is no out. It's a total stalemate.

I have kept to myself in an office room since forever. Now receiving criticism for not being a part of the family, I've tried to explain that it's all related to being intentionally excluded on the whole 15+ years dog decision

please help me, as the only option as I see it is to move out before we even get the chance to try out our relationship

Good advice. And I would add .... chill out. Life is short. You'll end up loving that dog. Sweat the big things in life, not the little ones.

austin dog problem wrote:

The second to last conversation we had was her telling me it's now about us and out decisions, not me and mine.

You made it ALL ABOUT YOU--ME AND MINE. There is no OUR in your relationship. It is ALL YOU in your relationship.

If your verbal communication skills are anything like your writing skills, my bet is your wife can't understand a word you're saying.

Jeez bro, do you even get laid with that whiney sissy attitude, it's a dog don't be just a pansy. Omg your wife should divorce your sorry @$$

coach wrote:

get rid of the bitch....keep the puppy

you won't get any better advice than this

The puppy is a male. The bitch is the husband. Agreed that he should keep himself...mom's basement is always there for him.

OMG. I am going through the same thing. ONly this is really bad. We have two adult dogs already demanding and my husband wanted to get my son a puppy. I sent him a long email saying why I didn't/couldn't handle one, for financial, personal, stress, work reasons. Guess what? He said, "I'm doing this for my son" and got it anyways. It's now stressful for everyone, but now he blames me. Says things like "Mommy is always complaining, stressed, guess we'll have to take the puppy back." This is so cruel and passive aggressive I can't even believe it.

get a job you hippie wrote:

uxcited?:D wrote:

If you feel the stress from being financially strapped is greater than the benefits of the dog

As has been mentioned, something is wrong with YOU if having a dog results in financial stress. I had a dog when I was an undergrad living off of a weekend job waiting tables. Not once did the dog ever cause financial hardship.

If a second dog would be a huge financial burden, the dog itself isn't really the issue. Your career plan is the problem.

[sarcasm]Brilliant. Because we all know how easy it is to shift careers, even without a spouse and children.[/sarcasm]

US household debt, for example, is at an all-time high. Sounds to me as if the OP is trying to responsibly prioritize and his wife betrayed him, albeit somewhat mildly.

be nice. no need for name calling

I told my friend, Paddy, I was thinking of buying a dog.

“For Heavens sake,” he said, “don’t buy a Labrador, too many of their owners seem to go blind.”

I think a more important issue right now. Somebody named called you wife and you didnt say anything.

I think both of you need to talk more.

I have three dogs, no problem at all.

Just frame the puppy:

Chew up your wife's favorite shoes and crap in them. Make sure to get dog hair all over everything.

This Sunday when you lay down for a nap give it 2 her on da other spot and i will show who is the dominant one in your marriage, she might like it.

yes sir... wrote:

He should be a good steward and find the dog a new owner, not take it to the pound. People who have such little regard for animals are the lowest form of life. He also has such little regard for the wishes of his wife and kids.

Not as little as they have for him.

austin dog problem wrote:

My wife got a Pomeranian, intentionally when I was out of the country.

please help me, as the only option as I see it is to move out before we even get the chance to try out our relationship

If you haven't done it already, do it now.

This is a great post, except for this: if she really really wants a second dog, let her have it.

I am on here because my wife has done the same thing to me. I understand this is not about the dog and I have not made my mind up on what to do, about the dog. Usually dont consult my mom on this kind of thing but I did. My dad chimed in with the best part so here it goes....

Whether to keep the dog or not is one small part of the problem. More important is the fact that this pattern of ignoring my opinions in large matters that effect the family(she also bought a 18,000 truck against my wishes)(but with the truck I never said NO I just said it is a bad idea). The dog I said ABSOLUTELY NOT. Funny thing is when she bought the truck, I told her this would happen again because I could feel there was a big issue here, to which she said no no it wont.

Anyways, dad said to me, keep the dog but, let her understand that if this happens again that I will hit the door. There is a line in the sand and again, it's not about the dog. We have this issue we need to work on and fix, but that is not an excuse to show this level of disrespect.

She has admitted she is at fault 100% and will not tell the kids that it is my fault the dog has to go back but I know that they are not stupid. However, they will get over it. They got attached but they will get unattached. It will probably be a good lesson for them in the end. You have a partner and family and cannot make decisions like that without agreement and compromise.

My compromise would have been that our home has been neglected for the past 6 months, dog and kids included. Much more but didn't want to spent all day writing ng

The takeaway: Know your place in the pack. You are not the big dog.

patti wrote:

I think a more important issue right now. Somebody named called you wife and you didnt say anything.

I think both of you need to talk more.

I have three dogs, no problem at all.

They could talk whilst walking the dog

INSTRUCTIONS HERE>