Survey: How many of you married men or women have/ had affairs?

elevator wrote:

Yeah everyone. Pay attention to the old wise guy. We young "idealistic" folk don't know crap.

So you reject the notion that wisdom comes from experience?

knobender wrote:

News flash: You already did f*** up - as a father and a husband. Scum bag.

Considering my wife and kids both think I'm a rock star husband/father, I haven't fucked up. I will grant you that my actions have put my sexual desires in front of my marriage and family, but if I take this secret to my grave (which I fully intend to), no harm, no foul.

I don't believe in any form of religion or karma, but in 99.9% of my other actions in life I do believe in doing the right thing.

I actually take most offense at the person who said since I "cheated" (I still don't consider it cheating, but won't argue that point anymore) on my marriage, I would cheat in a race.

With the exception of the indiscretions described in this thread, I'm about the most upstanding, trustworthy, honest individual you would ever meet. I might be your neighbor, boss, colleague, or friend -- you would never know.

I work incredibly hard at my job, never taking shortcuts or taking credit for others' work. I'm always helping friends and neighbors in various ways, from shoveling my elderly neighbors driveway, to helping friends move, to even watching others' kids when they get in a bind. I've never stretched the truth on my resume or my taxes. The most trouble I've ever been in has been a few speeding tickets in my younger years. I'm the Dad doing the carpool to sports practice, or taking my kids to piano lessons or ballet class.

Perhaps everyone that is so worked up about me ("scum bag", etc) have been burned by cheaters and are projecting their anger onto me. You definitely seem much more worked up about my actions than I do. I sleep soundly each night, with a clear conscience, happy in the success of my marriage, family and career. My biggest regret is typically not meeting the mileage goals I have set out for myself.

happily married wrote:

Perhaps everyone that is so worked up about me ("scum bag", etc) have been burned by cheaters and are projecting their anger onto me.

.

No, we just think you're a delusional idiot.

You have one more "flaw". You actually waste time responding to the judgmental little pricks who troll around on letsrun. Stop dignifying them by arguing with them.

Just the last statement, about your biggest regret being not meeting mileage goals, just magnifys your total lack of regard for your wife. Seriously, your biggest regret in life is not meeting mileage goals? Wow, way to have your priorities in order. You sound like a narcissist jerk. Your wife deserves to know about your disgusting behavior, in order to either protect herself from the STD's you might give her from the hookers/strippers - who have probably had sex with hundreds of men - or to divorce you. You are a complete coward. All your lame rationalizations about how many positive things you do in life are hilarious. None of the either positve/negative things you do have anything to do with the fact that you are putting your wife's life at risk without her knowledge and breaking your marriage vows. I can think of words worse than scumdog to describe you.

God is a typo wrote:

You have one more "flaw". You actually waste time responding to the judgmental little pricks who troll around on letsrun. Stop dignifying them by arguing with them.

Good point. I'm done on this thread.

I am the child of a dad who cheated.

My family really had it all. My dad had a sweet job, making over 6-figures in the early 1990s, 4 smart, awesome kids, a wife, a nice house within a great community. Then, when I was 6, my dad had an affair. My mom found out.

Reaction to the action: Mom left Dad. Dad essentially lost his job and had to leave town because of the affair. Mom stuck with 4 kids and no job or money(child support doesn't cover a lot, especially when your dad doesn't have money to pay it). 3 of 4 kids got really heavy into drugs. Brother went to jail. I filled the void of not having a father with alcohol, gambling and porn (I know this sounds awesome to some of you, and I don't judge you, but it was not good for me).

We lived in poverty until I moved out of the house. Not exaggerating. I got used to not having enough food and sharing beds in the living room because there wasn't enough money for extra room/beds. I had to go deep into debt to get through college. I have terrible trust issues, and by far, is the most difficult aspect of my relationship with my wife.

Best part of all? I, and my brothers and sister, all really want nothing to do with our dad. I forgive him, but this downward spiral has altered his mental state and he is just not good to be around.

All because he wanted to get some on the side. Nice. Imagine if he just, for that split second, would have changed his mind not to cheat. My whole family would have been spared decades of hardship.

fiction

You're one arrogant dude, dude.

carl rogers wrote:You're one arrogant dude, dude.

Just wanted to say no judgement about the, um how shall I put it, encounters you've had. I actually hope you continue posting on this thread, and have appreciated your contributions. Hopefully, my significant other doesn't share your feelings, but do think your story is more common than people would like to admit too.

I'm curious as to what you thought of your marriage vows when you made them? I'm curious as to whether there are any circumstances under which you or your wife or your co-workes or your children could envision your word being your bond?

I've never cheated and don't ever intend to...that said I don't think "happily married" is that abnormal or morally corrupt. I find his attitude more acceptable than the self righteous religeous zealots posting on here.

If this is at all true, I have to ask... Did your mom think that her leaving (with/without trying to reconcile) was in the best interests of the kids? Do you think that she over-reacted? Was there absolutely no chance for reconciliation?

Dad messed up but it sounds like mom threw the baby out with the bath water. I am sorry this had to happen to 4 innocent kids.

Personally, I would never cheat mostly because that is the society we live in and I don't want to jeopardize my family. Nor do I go wanting for sex. But I don't care if other people do it and I don't think there is a some moral imperative that forbids it. The worst thing that SHOULD happen to the cheater is that they have to deal with the lying, which will be painful enough whether or not the cheater wants to admit it. The wife does not deserve to know nor does she deserve the pain of knowing (if she is going be distraught by such news). Nor do the kids deserve to watch their parents degenerate into screaming children over it.

Depending on what study you read, paternity is found to be outside the marriage in 1-3/10 of live births. And we are talking about MARRIED parents. Moralize all you want but it is social, biological fact.

Product of... wrote:

Imagine if he just, for that split second, would have changed his mind not to cheat. My whole family would have been spared decades of hardship.

Imagine for just a second if your mom and the community you lived in decided that a simple sex act is not worth crucifying a man over, and thus leading to ruining a family over. What's worse? A ruined family or great family with a dad who had sex with someone else?

graduated before modern ed wrote:

I'm curious as to what you thought of your marriage vows when you made them? I'm curious as to whether there are any circumstances under which you or your wife or your co-workes or your children could envision your word being your bond?

Marriage vows do not always include the stupid promise to never touch another person. Good vows include agreeing that your partner's happiness and independence is a priority of yours.

So everyone I know is pretty clear on my word and honesty. Unlike most people I can foresee that making promises that make us miserable are the one's best left out.

The people you should really worry about the ones who promise to be always faithful. They are liars about half the time and then have to pretend they didn't do it because they made a vows that goes against their biology. So they get to live a lie.

Typo: 1-3/100 live births yield non-paternity in married couples. (obviously much higher in non-married couples submitting for DNA testing)

We've had about 50 years of this libertine rationalization. We now have 80% of the minority community growing up with only a mother, often working 2 jobs. The figure is about 25% in the white demographic, but 50% of marriages end in divorce. I don't think there is any debate as to whether this has worked out well, especially for kids.

Haven't we done enough damage? And no, a woman or man is not wrong to expect that a solemn vow will be honored.

We all make mistakes of all types. All of us need forgiveness at one time or another.

But, how many people out there would honestly trust a large chunk of their business, or a small amount of cash or any significant responsibility to a person who plays house, redefines marriage and then claims a moral victory?

Let's face it, we all know the type; we all know Peter Pan.

The Hugh Hefner school of philosophy.

Grow up, grow a pair. Marriage derails life and life derails marriage. Times get tough, times get better. It takes maturity to stick with a difficult job or the rough patches in your relationship for the sake of your wife and kids. It takes essentially no maturity, only an ounce of humanity to decline sex with a whore because you may actually kill your wife or kids with disease.

Proverbs

Warning against Adultery - It has been around for a long time.

My son, observe the commandment of your father

And do not forsake the teaching of your mother;

Bind them continually on your heart;

Tie them around your neck.

When you walk about, they will guide you;

When you sleep, they will watch over you;

And when you awake, they will talk to you.

For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light;

And reproofs for discipline are the way of life

To keep you from the evil woman,

From the smooth tongue of the adulteress.

Do not desire her beauty in your heart,

Nor let her capture you with her eyelids.

For on account of a harlot one is reduced to a loaf of bread, And an adulteress hunts for the precious life.

Can a man take fire in his bosom

And his clothes not be burned?

Or can a man walk on hot coals

And his feet not be scorched?

So is the one who goes in to his neighbor's wife;

Whoever touches her will not go unpunished.

Men do not despise a thief if he steals

To satisfy himself when he is hungry;

But when he is found, he must repay sevenfold;

He must give all the substance of his house.

The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense;

He who would destroy himself does it.

Wounds and disgrace he will find,

And his reproach will not be blotted out.

For jealousy enrages a man,

And he will not spare in the day of vengeance.

He will not accept any ransom,

Nor will he be satisfied though you give many gifts.