hahahah wrote:
the BEST Tiger Woods summation on the internet...
http://simonstitchup.blogspot.com/2009/11/eldrick-woods.html
I have never really liked Tiger Woods.
Respect and admire him as the greatest golfer that has ever lived? - for sure. But like him? - nah.
I don't know exactly what it is about him yet at the same time I sort of do - if you get what I am saying.
He has this extremely uncool arrogance about him. An eerie stench of smugness coupled with a distinctly nerdish and dorky boorishness about him. He missed "good friend" Payne Stewarts funeral because of long iron practice and had laser surgery on his eyes to improve them to 20/10 vision to help his putting - the difference between that and performance enhancing drug taking, I'm not really sure. An epic munter.
For so long he was spotless, unflappable and unbeatable. He was the perfect sporting role model - the worlds first billion dollar sportsman, with the fairytale Swedish princess wife.
But just went you thought that Eldrick Woods might just be the second coming of Jesus Christ himself (figuratively speaking of course) - destined for a life and sporting career of simplistic perfection, he goes and cheats on his wife with some fake-tittied bimbo, has a massive argument with his wah at two thirty in the morning which all culminates in him being chased down the driveway whilst in his SVU and crashing the f***er into a fire hydrant after getting the fright of his life when his Swedish princess Barry Bonds'ed a pitching wedge through his rear window... (deep breath)...
I always thought Tiger Woods was secretly full of shit but now I know that he most certainly is. Does this f***er think we are all stupid? I know it's only a tiny excerpt of what has been reported on, but it sums up the whole façade quite nicely...
“the only person responsible for this accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.”
Hey Tiger, we might think you are good at golf, but it doesn't mean you can come up with just any f***ing tripe and think we will automatically believe it. The use of the word "assertion" doesn't automatically mean your PR-team created spiel is in any way plausible.
So let me get this straight. You expect us to believe that you were just "out for a drive" at 2.30am in the morning and you somehow managed to crash your car into not just a fire hydrant but then ALSO a tree. But thankfully your wife was there immediately on site (not IN the car, just down the f***ing driveway at 2.30am in the morning), with golf club in hand ready to save you from your horrific crash into the fire hydrant by not OPENING THE FRONT DOOR, but by smashing in the rear view mirror - presumably in order to tear the whole thing out and save the fire department from firing up the jaws of life.
Because to me, that sounds like the stupidest f***ing thing I have ever heard in my life.
Lets be honest Tiger, you've been dipping the Johnson where you shouldnt have, haven't you.
Your wife who probably had plenty of chances to cheat on YOUR boring arse but didn't, got wind of it and busted your grill a bit then threatened to tee off on your melon with a strong three wood. So you saddled up, got the f*** out of therr and then sadly for you it all turned to shit. Then in a pathetic attempt to save your "stellar" public persona you and the IMG boys came up with some shit about your wife "saving your life" when in reality she was probably trying to end it.
Tiger, if you did it - I wouldn't blame her one bit. And guess what, I have no doubts you did.
I'm sure you'll eventually get away with it too when Elin realises her meal ticket is worth more then her self esteem but just know you might be able to fool all your rim-licking cronies in the American sports media but you can't fool this hombre.
Eldrick Woods, a stitch-up of the highest order.