Another Opinion wrote:
See, IMHO, the joke is fine, actually kind of funny. A good ribbing. But to put that on facebook - where it is seen by hundreds of people, out of context, and branded there forever under her picture - takes it too far.
I imagine the joke about your grandfather wouldn't be as funny if it had been placed under his obituary in lieu of a memorial.
People need to understand the etiquette of Social Media.
Actually that is a good point
you are wrong wrote:
yeah yes duh wrote:Yeah, you were wrong.
When someone is sharing the joy with their engagement, it is not a time to make a joke at their expense.
Your joke was actually a negative comment disguised as a joke.
"There's truth in every jest."
Basically you were an ahole.
See "close relative"... if a close relative can't take a joke they can go fly a kite. There's nothing wrong with what she said.
"it is not a time to make a joke"
That's complete bullshit. If my father can make a joke at his father's funeral, I doubt there's another time that's inappropriate to joke about something. You're too uptight.
No, you are wrong.
Jokes at a funeral, are actually incredibly common, and usually they are a slightly odd, but understandable, way to celebrate the human qualities of the deceased.
Dissing a womans engagement ring is insensitive, callous, risky behavior.
The joke was a negative judgment disguised as a joke.
The real meaning is "we noticed you went your own way and did something creative with your engagement ring, at at least one of us thinks it is a bad choice.
Mrs. M was too hasty to run to share her husbands cynical observation.
You are just another unthinking, callous tool on this site.
The person who said to take the high road always, is correct.
She might as well have said "nice wedding dress, but it makes you look a little fat."
Mrs. M wrote:
A close relative just got engaged and posted a pic of her ring on Facebook. It's an untraditional ring where the center stone is her birth stone flanked by two diamonds - a beautiful ring. So I commented on the picture saying, "Congratulations! 'Mr. M' says green stones don't count - he thinks you got it in a gumball machine! ;)"
So it was meant as a joke - I thought the "wink" would make that clear. She responded with why she wanted an emerald and how she thought it counted. I responded "Of course it counts! I was just joking!" Needless to say, she was pissed and told my mother about it and now my mother won't talk to me until I apologize (which I have done, despite thinking the whole situation is absurd). My apology was received with a thinly-veiled scolding and the comment, "I'm over it". I'm obviously not going to continue to stir the pot, but was I out of line?
You certainly weren't being an "a-hole" as some have said, and you didn't MEAN to be mean or disrespectful, but it was an error in judgment. Pretty much like you never guess if a woman is pregnant, you also NEVER say anything but positive things about a newly engaged woman's engagement ring. Your relative seems a bit overly sensitive to go so far as to tell your mother about it, but you should have kept the comments positive only.
So my wife has always been a really chill type of person. Laid-back, etc.
She is a runner, 3:40 marathon, etc...
She is very fit, not man-fit, but looks very good in a bikini.
About 2 weeks ago, she was walking down the street with my daughter (2 yrs old) and one of the neighbor ladies asked her if she was pregnant... She answered, "no, why?" The lady said she wondered b/c my wife had been wearing a lot of loose clothing lately.
No I live with a psycho who thinks she is gaining weight, regardless of the scale, mirror, etc. It is awful. All we have for dinner are dry salads and water.
next time you insult a woman, think about what her poor husband/boyfriend is going to have to deal with...
Sorry but anyone who puts a picture of their engagement ring on face book is a complete loser and deserves to be ridiculed and harangued. And this process should not stop until they grow a soul and stop caring about useless pieces of junk that cost a fortune. Your relative could have spent the huge amount of money they wasted on bits of rock and metal dug out of ground on a down payment for a new house or something else newly weds always need and cant afford.
I think posting a picture of your ring on Facebook is tacky. It suggests someone who is more into the trappings of the wedding than the actual marriage (which may explain why 50% of them end in divorce).
The fact that she couldn't take a little good-natured ribbing suggests that she's well on her way to becoming the Bridezilla from Hell. Your mom should take a chill pill, too.
retard trap wrote:
Sorry but anyone who puts a picture of their engagement ring on face book is a complete loser and deserves to be ridiculed and harangued. And this process should not stop until they grow a soul and stop caring about useless pieces of junk that cost a fortune. Your relative could have spent the huge amount of money they wasted on bits of rock and metal dug out of ground on a down payment for a new house or something else newly weds always need and cant afford.
I'll agree that it's a bit materialistic to put that picture on Facebook, but it's more just a sign of the times. People put things up on Facebook to share with family and friends. It's an accepted cultural norm these days. I do also agree with you that people would be better served getting a Zirconia ring and saving all that money for a down payment on a house or something they really need. Hell, I'd even be for spending the money on a honeymoon rather than the ring. My wife has a real diamond ring, but if we could go back in time, we'd both opt for the fake ring that looks every bit as good.
Check these out (some for less than $40!) -
http://www.almostdiamonds.com/wedding-ring-sets-c-149_123.htmlI would expect someone who is recently engaged to post a picture of the future husband, not a picture of the ring. This shows, to me, that she values the ring (just a thing) more than the person. Her response to your joke (which I think was fine, BTW) only reinforces my conclusions. Why be so sensitive about an inanimate object? Very immature behavior.
I advise a LONG (2-3 yrs) engagement, while her potential future husband waits for her to grow up. They should have lots of fruitful discussions about kids, changing diapers, cleaning toilets, taking care of a household, how the money will be handled, etc. All of these things are far more important than a ring.
The ring is not the prize. The future husband is.
Good point. While I've seen a photo of the ring, I've never met nor seen a picture of my future brother-in-law.
I can't stand people who post every facet of their life on facebook...it's lame. And the worst part...everyone else is stupid enough to care, which only reinforces their behavior. What happened to actually finding things out about people by talking to them, instead of seeing pictures and status updates every day?
A picture of your wedding ring on facebook basically says: "look at me, I'm getting married! I WIN! getting married to who?? who cares!! Look at my ring!! I'M GETTING MARRIED!!"
I give it 3 years...
Listen, people are always going to get excited about the ring. That is just the way it is. There is always something more responsible out there, but people get the ring anyway.
In retrospect, who wouldn't get a fake ring, we all would. The point though, dated as it is, is that the man actually has to make an effort to show his intentions.
I am sure the woman had many pictures of her husband-to-be in the photos. I agree that facebook is changing the way that people interact. It IS tacky to post the ring, but had she not, she surly would have been besieged with comments asking her to post a picture of it.
I think it is pretty clear that the comment was offensive. 75% of the respondents on this thread have agreed that it was in poor taste to make the insensitive comment. That answers the OPs question directly.
If you told me that you were going to f*** my mom, I'd probably laugh and give you a high-five. I also understand that others might not find that as funny, so I would not walk around pissed off that other people didn't think it was funny.
I think the OPs joke was fine, but the platform on which she chose to make the joke was highly inappropriate.
ExPhys wrote:
getting married to who?? who cares!! Look at my ring!! I'M GETTING MARRIED!!"
That would be whom, not who.
Gargant wrote:
I think the OPs joke was fine, but the platform on which she chose to make the joke was highly inappropriate.
THIS
OK, your conscience should be clear now. You have done everything to make amends, forget it and she should forget it also.But as far as your initial question, "Was I wrong?"...well you really didn't need to ask that did you? You know the answer.
Mrs. M wrote:
Mr. Conundrum wrote:Your friend was probably just looking for confirmation that the nonconventional ring selection was beautiful (why else would she post the picture). She might even have had some hidden anxieties about the selection.
The other poster was right about the "truth in jest" comment. Seriously, why didn't you just say the ring was beautiful like I'm guessing that you knew your friend wanted to hear?
You said you were sorry (but was it sincere or was it the type of "I'm sorry and didn't realize you would be so sensitive" type of apology) now move on.
In one week it will be a nonissue.
First of all, it's already been a week. Second, this is a close relative, not just a friend. I hadn't thought about her having hidden anxieties about the ring selection. You may be dead on there. My e-mailed apology to her was sincere and serious and told her how beautiful the ring is and I still got the scolding and the "I'm over it", rather than a simple acceptance of the apology. She concluded that if she had made the same comment to me 2 years ago when I got engaged that I would have been pissed. On the contrary, I'd have said, "Nah, he got it from a Crackerjack box!" Because the joy of the engagement would have overshadowed anything. We've clearly mis-judged each other's senses of humor. It did not help that another family member (in-law) obnoxiously commented right after my first remark to the effect of: "How would your husband know if the ring came from a gumball machine unless he's working now at the grocery store".
I'm hoping that it will now be a non-issue (though I really enjoyed that poster's comment about the white wedding dress! That's something I would find funny - and now I know she would not).
It's also become a "culturally accepted norm" to throw huge, over-the-top weddings focused more on bolstering the couples's ego than bringing family and friends together in celebration. It is therefore not surprising that an innocent comment on Facebook has turned into such a huge controversy.
I once knew a woman in her 40s who was about to marry a rich guy. She was to become his THIRD WIFE. She and her fiance created an entire website about their wedding (links included "The Courtship," "The Proposal," "The Engagement Ring," etc.) The highlight was "The Registry," which contained RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE gifts. Including a $2,000 bird bath (I guess when your husband already has homes and cars up the wazoo, there's no need to ask for a blender or towels).
Less than two years later, they are divorcing and engaged in a bitter custody battle. There should be a law requiring these twits to return every gift purchased by their friends and relatives.
retard trap wrote:
Sorry but anyone who puts a picture of their engagement ring on face book is a complete loser and deserves to be ridiculed and harangued. And this process should not stop until they grow a soul and stop caring about useless pieces of junk that cost a fortune. Your relative could have spent the huge amount of money they wasted on bits of rock and metal dug out of ground on a down payment for a new house or something else newly weds always need and cant afford.
Breathe.....It's OK your wife left you and took the ring.
Bride and Groom-zillas wrote:
It's also become a "culturally accepted norm" to throw huge, over-the-top weddings focused more on bolstering the couples's ego than bringing family and friends together in celebration. It is therefore not surprising that an innocent comment on Facebook has turned into such a huge controversy.
I once knew a woman in her 40s who was about to marry a rich guy. She was to become his THIRD WIFE. She and her fiance created an entire website about their wedding (links included "The Courtship," "The Proposal," "The Engagement Ring," etc.) The highlight was "The Registry," which contained RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE gifts. Including a $2,000 bird bath (I guess when your husband already has homes and cars up the wazoo, there's no need to ask for a blender or towels).
Less than two years later, they are divorcing and engaged in a bitter custody battle. There should be a law requiring these twits to return every gift purchased by their friends and relatives.
This is absurd, why would you even buy them anything?
You fueled the fire by participating.
I didn't buy them anything.
I received an invitation to the wedding, though, and promptly sent my regrets.
Nice, good job.
I hope you told them you were making a donation to The Human Fund in their name.