Please help me decide: should I take the job?

Its still a no-go. How are you going to be able to raise kids if you are working in a separate city? How are you going to make kids? At this juncture, you have to choose between your family and your career. Or your wife has to choose between her previous family and her new family. Is she still going to be entrenched in her career when you have kids. You've already made the choice that her career is more important than yours... Was this intentional?

You have three options:

1.) Cut expenses to live just on your wife's salary and get a construction/trade/service job while looking to rebuild your career in Charolette.
2.) Have your wife move to St. Paul with you.
3.) Get divorced.

This like get a job in St. Paul and fly back every weekend can work temporarily, but it absolutely sucks. Being in St. Paul isn't going to be better for your relationship than Seattle. My dad did it for a two years so he wouldn't have to move my brother and I before our senior year and to help him transition back to working in my hometown. He had gone startup (went bust)--> unemployed --> construction --> back to chemical engineering. It only "worked" (it didn't really work) because he and my mom were about to be empty nesters.

You need to do some long-term "married life planning" with your wife. You haven't shared her career or present/future earnings potential or yours, or if you have children, or if you have any major debts, etc. Generally one spouse in a married couple is more established with their career, makes more money, is less mobile, has more care-giving responsibility, you're locked into a mortgage, etc. and this guides these decisions. It sounds like your wife is less free to move out of Charlotte than you are, so this an opportunity for you to investigate the short- and long-term career options in Charlotte. You may want to meet with a career counselor to help with this. You may want to consider a career change if you can't continue in your career field by staying in Charlotte (but your wife can). If you take another job out of town, you will be re-setting the clock on a commuter marriage.

Is the St. Paul job a stepping stone to getting something IN CHARLOTTE? Then maybe it could work in the short term. I'm curious if the kind of job/career you want even exists in Charlotte, and if so, why are you not getting it there? If you take the St. Paul job, start looking for the next thing IN CHARLOTTE as soon as possible.

Avg 1 bedroom rent in Seattle is $2300, plus other expenses to maintain 2 residences. Fly at least once a month is $250-300+ per trip. Easily save $35-40k by not living in a different city. Do you have 2 cars in CLT? Uber everywhere in Seattle?

FYI, the OP isn't married at this point. Who would do this? One or both of you value your careers more than your relationship. I suppose that's okay, but you're not married anymore.

As long as your work is in another city you are going to be living two half-lives instead of one complete life. I'm assuming you don't CURRENTLY have the same options for your career in Charlotte or else you wouldn't be considering St. Paul. If the St. Paul job is a stepping stone to a future job in Charlotte, then this might work for a while. Since it's remote on Fridays, maybe once you establish yourself as a reliable and trustworthy employee you can work out a monthly arrangement to be 3 weeks remote, 1 week in person or something. But that is still not a long-term solution. Good luck!

You’re right, it’s a lot more money to maintain two residences in two different states than it is to share one household. I drove out to Seattle when I moved.

Yes that’s correct. I’ve applied for five different jobs in Charlotte. I was a finalist for one of them but didn’t get the offer. That’s why I was considering the Saint Paul opportunity. That, and because it’s basically my dream job.

Not sure what I’ll be able to get in Charlotte. Highly unlikely I’ll get anything as good as the Saint Paul job but the strong sentiments in this thread have convinced me to keep looking. Ultimately I agree my marriage should come first and I should be focusing on a long-term solution rather than continuing to live and work in limbo.

Obviously I have no idea of the specifics, but you could always negotiate with the St. Paul job to change the work arrangement. If they don't bite then at least you tried and didn't lose anything, assuming you are willing to decline the offer.

Thanks. I appreciate your advice. I tried to negotiate more flexibility with them but unfortunately they wouldn’t budge. 😞

You might want to look for a divorce lawyer.

Youve already made the mistake once. Now you are considering making it again? Move back to Charlotte and figure it out from there.

17 hour drive or Fly. Currently $137.00 one way on Delta, that's $300ish per weekend for 3.25 days with the wifey.

OP, you cannot be serious. You do not need to name company, but can you give us a general idea of this dream job in St. Paul? Maybe someone here can offer some information on something similar in Charlotte. Not to mention, you have a bunch of cities within a couple of hours that could also work. Unless your dream job is specific to St. Paul itself - like you're a graduate of Hennepin Technical College and really want to teach there, and only there - we may be able to help out.

If I were you, I would move back immediately and get a job brewing at NODA or something while you look for something aligning with your career. But let me give you some advice: a job does not define you and should never take priority over your spouse. A job will rarely make you happy. A job will never be faithful to you. Think about your priorities.

Just want to add: this long-weekend commute by plane will happen 3 times max before you both find reasons to skip a weekend here and then, and then decide to do it once a month because it is expensive and exhausting, and then one day you get the divorce papers in the mail.

Be smart, OP!

Go back to Charlotte. North Carolina is a growth state, opportunities will continue to present themselves. Assume you’re young and have a lot of runway in front of you.

You’re both right. Flying back and forth every week and spending all that money just to be there less than 72 hours wouldn’t be sustainable.