I think we confuse companionship with meaning in our life. It’s important that a 70 year old still have something that brings fulfillment to their life.
Being with someone that you’re no longer attracted to and are likely not fully compatible with, to feel trapped in that situation, only because you need someone beside you to justify your existence is even sadder.
I’m not playing down the importance of relationships. I’m wondering if it might be possible to have those relationships outside of marriage. Granted, we would need to restructure society in order to make this more realistic but it’s crazy how we got into this mess to begin with.
lol ok so if ALLL we have to do reorganize human society to make your situation make sense.. yeah sounds like a GREAT plan.. lol
You might be old with no wife, no children, and no steady gf.. but when you are old you spend a lot time needing medical care, even a healthy older person needs more than a young person. Who's helping you go to the doctor, who's driving you there, who is concerned that you take the right meds?
elderly and alone in America is a rough gig. Not recommended. We aren't very good at social structures for the elderly. Loneliness is the #1 killer in this country and being alone and old is the very definition of loneliness. One of the best kept secrets in this country is that the suicide rate is so high because of old people offing themselves because of loneliness.
Find a partner, a spouse, a family. Don't do this alone.
For most women, the most important factors are facial features and personality. The good news for men is that the best facial features: eyes, lips, and jawline all tend to stay similar or get better with age. If you're weak in the latter two, growing a beard will help; if not I would stay clean-shaven or trimmed. Don't underestimate the power of good skincare (including lips) and eye care. Biotin, fish oils, and omega-3 are not just for women, they work just as well on men. At the very least you should be eating a well-rounded diet and washing/moisturizing your face on a daily basis.
Yeah, I don't agree that guy's faces maintain attractiveness as they age. I think it's more a rich get richer type of thing. If you have a big nose, big ears, or face asymmetry those things get worse, not better with age.
My ex-wife literally told me she didn't like my face anymore a few months before asking/ demanding a divorce. It is what is...
As for the OP, you are what you are. If you are an outgoing sociable guy you will almost certainly attract a partner/ date options quickly.
If not, you will need to develop a connection though your work field (not your own company), sports, church, etc. Generally speaking, if you are the type of guy posting on Let'sRun you are probably in Group 2. Good luck-
lol ok so if ALLL we have to do reorganize human society to make your situation make sense.. yeah sounds like a GREAT plan.. lol
You might be old with no wife, no children, and no steady gf.. but when you are old you spend a lot time needing medical care, even a healthy older person needs more than a young person. Who's helping you go to the doctor, who's driving you there, who is concerned that you take the right meds?
elderly and alone in America is a rough gig. Not recommended. We aren't very good at social structures for the elderly. Loneliness is the #1 killer in this country and being alone and old is the very definition of loneliness. One of the best kept secrets in this country is that the suicide rate is so high because of old people offing themselves because of loneliness.
Find a partner, a spouse, a family. Don't do this alone.
This makes marriage sound even worst. Makes it sounds like an insurance plan. Isn’t that equally depressing? Is the trade-off worth it? Be miserable into old age but then you have someone to take you to the doctor. Or be less miserable into old age and then your last decade or so is really depressing.
elderly and alone in America is a rough gig. Not recommended. We aren't very good at social structures for the elderly. Loneliness is the #1 killer in this country and being alone and old is the very definition of loneliness. One of the best kept secrets in this country is that the suicide rate is so high because of old people offing themselves because of loneliness.
Find a partner, a spouse, a family. Don't do this alone.
This makes marriage sound even worst. Makes it sounds like an insurance plan. Isn’t that equally depressing? Is the trade-off worth it? Be miserable into old age but then you have someone to take you to the doctor. Or be less miserable into old age and then your last decade or so is really depressing.
clearly, we should want to find a companion we actually like and want to be with, to sail into old age with.
the highest suicide rate of all age bands is the elderly. Loneliness is a major cause of that. Do what you can now to avoid being lonely and old.
Join a running group. If you're still in 1:16 shape, there will be few women who you can train seriously with, but probably a few who run in the 1:20s or faster that you can do easy runs with - especially if you're willing to date someone in her early 30s or younger. There's no better way to get to know someone than running easy for over an hour with them. Evening groups tend to be better since you'll have more time to chat after the run.
Just don't be the guy who starts showing up and asks someone out or hits on someone on the third run, or the guy who intentionally runs slowly with only women. And don't flirt with anyone until you know they're single. Better yet don't flirt with anyone until they flirt with you. Also, don't try to work your race PRs into conversations, and if you have to run slower than you want to run with women, don't make a point of it. There is no bigger turnoff than seeing your guy friend caption his Strava post "Pacing Madison's Long Run"
Join a running group. If you're still in 1:16 shape, there will be few women who you can train seriously with, but probably a few who run in the 1:20s or faster that you can do easy runs with - especially if you're willing to date someone in her early 30s or younger. There's no better way to get to know someone than running easy for over an hour with them. Evening groups tend to be better since you'll have more time to chat after the run.
Just don't be the guy who starts showing up and asks someone out or hits on someone on the third run, or the guy who intentionally runs slowly with only women. And don't flirt with anyone until you know they're single. Better yet don't flirt with anyone until they flirt with you. Also, don't try to work your race PRs into conversations, and if you have to run slower than you want to run with women, don't make a point of it. There is no bigger turnoff than seeing your guy friend caption his Strava post "Pacing Madison's Long Run"
I got married super early and stayed with my wife for over 15 years before getting a divorce because of a long overdue expression of built up resentments.
I recently turned 40, spent a year alone, and now I'm thinking about dating again.
What advice can you offer about setting up a winning date app profile? Or are apps a terrible idea? What is the etiquette for asking for a girl's phone number at the gym?
I've never really dated before so please be kind.
Half PR: 1:16
190cm/80kg
single or dating your priority should be - work really hard and do the introspection to understand what went wrong in your marriage
A lot of these posters are probably 60+ years old giving BAD advice.
From someone who is 40. Dating has never been easier for men. The average American male in 2024 is either fat, poor or can't lead in the relationship/has no confidence.
At 40 you should be aiming to date in the 26-32 range.
If a woman is single past 32 something is usually wrong (mental health issues, too many partners so pair bonding is destroyed, weird career path like stripper, OF model, etc) OR they have a kid from another man.
Do not under ANY circumstance date a woman with a child. NOT WORTH IT.
Women in this age range are usually looking for a long term relationship and will be more agreeable to dating an older man who is looking for those same things.
At 40 you should have your career in some order so you should have money. No excuse not to be making at least $100k by the age of 40.
The more money you make the better environments you find yourself in. The better environments have higher quality women. What do I mean by this? Country clubs are a better place to find a partner than a strip club.
At 40 you need to keep fit and stay groomed. Do not be fat or chubby. You need to use high quality skin care products. You are on letsrun so I'm assuming you logged lots of miles in the sun. This makes a huge difference in looking younger. Women tell me I look 30.
Back to the better environments example; I met my 27 year old girlfriend at the best skin clinic in town getting a facial treatment. She has multiple friends who work there who are single and will ask me if I have any single friends.
A lot of these posters are probably 60+ years old giving BAD advice.
From someone who is 40. Dating has never been easier for men. The average American male in 2024 is either fat, poor or can't lead in the relationship/has no confidence.
At 40 you should be aiming to date in the 26-32 range.
If a woman is single past 32 something is usually wrong (mental health issues, too many partners so pair bonding is destroyed, weird career path like stripper, OF model, etc) OR they have a kid from another man.
Do not under ANY circumstance date a woman with a child. NOT WORTH IT.
Women in this age range are usually looking for a long term relationship and will be more agreeable to dating an older man who is looking for those same things.
At 40 you should have your career in some order so you should have money. No excuse not to be making at least $100k by the age of 40.
The more money you make the better environments you find yourself in. The better environments have higher quality women. What do I mean by this? Country clubs are a better place to find a partner than a strip club.
At 40 you need to keep fit and stay groomed. Do not be fat or chubby. You need to use high quality skin care products. You are on letsrun so I'm assuming you logged lots of miles in the sun. This makes a huge difference in looking younger. Women tell me I look 30.
Back to the better environments example; I met my 27 year old girlfriend at the best skin clinic in town getting a facial treatment. She has multiple friends who work there who are single and will ask me if I have any single friends.
Call me an outlier when it comes to choosing a woman. I was married at 30 and divorced at 34. About two years after my divorce I found a girl who was about 4 years older and than me and we were married two years later. we had a child a year later. She had no previous kids and was never married.
Something needs to said about dating an older woman who is 40+. Most have lost that urgency to push for kids and marriage. They just want companionship. They have their own careers and mortgage. They don’t play games either, like some of the 24-28 year olds I dated.
Obviously if you're conservative you'll have a hard time attracting a young woman- I'm sorry but most women see that as a red, very red, flag. Show that you have empathy and care for others- people and animals.
You definitely don't want to date some left wing psycho who feels the need to wear that on her sleeve. Doesn't matter how hot she is or if she has multiple OTQs.
Most single women in their 30s lean left, but they're not nuts about it. Very often they've just never heard the other side and come around after a little mansplaining. It's also true that women move significantly to the right once they get married, so you can count on some of that. Why they move right after "I do" deserves its own thread. The reason is comically obvious but most are unable or unwilling to explain it.
My half PR time reflects why I'm divorced and asking for dating advice here. I didn't ask for help and I trained alone for my first marathon. I came out too fast and ran the first half in 1:16. Yes, I'm a hobby jogger, but I still love to run.
My ex wife and I kept our early romance and courting a secret so I didn't get any relationship advice. The first half of our marriage was amazing, but eventually reality set in, and we couldn't ignore the stupid mistakes we had made so it ended with us both limping to the finishline.
After a period of post divorce retrospection, I realize that I have plenty of value on the dating market, but I prefer serious people who understand the value of commitment. I don't want to waste my time or get hurt being my genuine, vulnerable self. I figured, maybe dating apps or gym surfing might help me screen out the unhealthy, red flag monsters.
I figured this forum would be an appropriate place to ask for some opinions because, why not? Just about everyone here has at least two commanalities with me: a love for running and a letsrun message habit. And so far, the feedback has been really fun and even, helpful.
Yes, I'm a ridiculous romantic, but I still believe I'll find a mate to spend the rest of my life with. So no regrats. Yolo.
This post was edited 4 minutes after it was posted.
My wife watches the show 90 Day Fiancée and there’s apparently a joke on the 90 Day Fiancée Reddit that men over 50 can choose between two paths: Thailand or the Philippines.
So there’s always the option of finding a woman from a poorer country. You may be able to score quite an attractive one