To Sub9 and real>
First, real is right to feel it's inconsiderate to not respond. Some of that can be legitimately explained but not all.
As for the rest of this, here are some thoughts. Take them for what they are worth (pennies).
I think what's being missed here is at the end of the day this sadly is a business and some of the actions are strictly business decisions. Fair? No, but still that's the situation.
Not all programs are created equally. Some are distance centric, others track centric, others try to balance (which usually doesn't work unless you are Oregon or similar). So some might have spots or money while others don't. Not all programs have the same goals (winning?, title 9 balance?, track? XC?, budget?, etc.).
Recruiting isn't an exact science. Mistakes both ways are made all the time. It's hard to know who will or won't be able to make the jump to D1 and be successful. So a parent or HS coach saying my kid would be in the top 3 at that school isn't necessarily correct. Don't take that the wrong way, the kid might be great but college is different than HS so no one can really know (no one being the college coach, the HS coach, the parent, or the athlete).
Questionnaires are a waste. Email directly and make sure you are emailing the right person which is usually not the HC. Give as much information about yourself as you can.
As for Sub 9s final question, yes, your 5:0x daughter can find a place to run at which presents a reasonable cost but it may or may not be a place your daughter thinks is a 'great' place.
Btw, if your D is admitted to a school on her own in some cases it makes it easier for her to walk on when she gets there, it depends on the situation.
Good luck!