Is sexual compatibility overrated?

When you're middle-aged incel like me you don't have to worry about things like this. Lol.

Lack of fashion sense seems to correlate

things change over time, if you play it the right way then you can turn her into a super freak!

https://youtu.be/QYHxGBH6o4M

Breakfast In Bed wrote:

I'd actually say it's vastly underrated, and it's one of the traps of waiting until marriage. It will eat at the relationship if you both aren't compatible and both of you aren't getting what you want (or feeling emotionally forced to get what you don't want).

Agreed. 8yrs into my marriage and we are NOT compatible. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it ends up in an argument. Usually she just turns over in bed and I sit there wondering if she even enjoyed that or not. She thinks my fantasies are ridiculous and it's humiliating. And it does affect other parts of the marriage. I drive around some days pretty pissed off because the frequency isn't what I want, or she won't do what I want, or I don't make her happy, etc. That leads to me acting out, lying, etc. It sucks.

The long term relationship I was in before I got married had amazing sex, we both understood each other, no shame or humiliation.. we could express and do whatever we wanted. And you'd be surprised what a high quality session in bed will do for each other's moods and attitudes for the rest of the week.

There is a lot to unload here.

I’m sorry your relationship makes you unsatisfied, feel shame and humiliation. The thing, is she feels the exact same, there is no way a sexually satisfied woman just turns her back on her man like that so why even staying together? I know breakups and separations are complicated sometimes but wouldn’t it be worth it? For both of you? Have you tried to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about the incompatibility? I wish you the best man!

I agree with you, the sexual compatibility is very important along with emotional, spiritual, financial.

Abstaining until marriage is mostly a religious-based idea, and as such, it should be scrutinized heavily as those guidelines and ideas were all established WAY long ago, and God doesn't exist.

It is NOT a good idea for people (generally...I admit there are some exceptions) who aren't married to get pregnant and have a baby. What we have today is VERY good contraception. If she's on the pill and you cover the monster, there's almost no chance of her getting pregnant.

Now, if you are someone who wants to be absolutely sure you don't get pregnant together before marriage, there are obviously a ton of other things you can do other than intercourse before marriage. Abstinence though is a silly idea.

"sexual compatibility" makes me laugh. Such a BS idea. Like she's an iPhone and you're an Android. There's a universal standard here, every charger fits every phone.

You want to know if you will have a good sex life? Are you honest, generous and kind with each other outside the bedroom? Congratulations, you can be that way in the bedroom too.

Sexual compatibility is very important.

I can’t imagine getting married without having sex with her first.

You want to know what you are getting into.

You want to spend time together. Travel together. Meet her family and spend time with them as well.

And yes, have sex.

Then you can form an opinion of what your life together will be like.

Sure, things can change but more upfront info is always good.

When I met my wife, I was attracted to her right away.

A week later we had sex. It was really good sex.

A year later I proposed. A year after that, we married and the sex was consistently good.

We’ve been married almost 20 years.

I look forward to having sex with her as much as ever, even if her drive is a bit lower.

If the sex wasn’t so hot, I wouldn’t have proposed.

Before her, I dated a girl for about 9 months on and off. The sex was good at first and then she was less actively involved near the end.

I stopped seeing her for a few reasons, but one of them was the sex getting lame. And she was very attractive.

Unless one or both of you have some serious sexual hang ups or some really out there fetish then most people are going to be pretty much sexually compatible. Not that many ways to f*ck. And if you're both not completely on the same page, as long as you're both generous people and the relationship is good, there shouldn't be a problem satisfying each other's sexual urges. If you're a selfish f*ck (literally) or the relationship isn't going well, then you wont.

1) Why'd you marry your wife and not the other woman? There had to be a good reason. You seem focused only on the negative. Remember, you didn't want to marry the other girl but did this one.

2) If she won't do what you want, why don't you just masturbate. Use your imagination or watch some porn.

1. The other woman was already married. He settled for #2.

2. He already does and will eventually cheat/divorce. She probably is cheating already as well.

If im wrong, it could be worse, no?

I think it really depends on whether one partner is kinky or not. If one partner is into something in the fetish/“whoa that’s out there” category and the other partner can’t stand it/won’t go near it, finds the fetish so revolting/somehow traumatizing then things are not going to work. You can try counseling at that point but the hurdle to fix things is so high I’m not sure it’s workable…I agree with some of the prior posters that these types of things need to be sorted out before getting engaged. Try living with each other and having lots of sex first and screw religion (I wonder how couples who are religious are able to have satisfying sex lives but then again maybe they marry young and are really vanilla and couples like my partner and I are just such a big freaks that when dating others prior to meeting each other, we needed a much larger trial period than most?)

I disagree with the ‘wait and you’re going to regret it.’ The idea that 15 minutes every few days is going to make or break a relationship is a incredibly juvenile way to understand life or marriage. Hell yes, it’s a fun part of the relationship and a nice part of being an adult. But Life, like actually caring for someone and being cared for and work and boring crap and whatever else is way more important. I met my wife at 19, we had some, but not all the fun before we got married a few years later. Guess what - we still wanted to have all the fun after marriage and it was then fun in the context of a much deeper connection and zero doubt that we were both all in. Wait, learn to control your self and just marry a hot chick…

Quality of sex is immensely important for some people, but barely registers for others.

So it depends.

Iassume that even if a couple abstains from pre-marital sex, they have done some very heavy petting and have approached intercourse, if not achieving it. This should be enough to tell them if they are compatible. If the level of intensity for making out, the level of creativity and experimentation, the frequency and interest in foreplay is compatible... then this translates 100% to compatibility for full on sex in my experience.

If you are talking about couples that have no pre-marital physical contact at all... then I have no diea.

I don’t know anyone who abstains from premarital sex these days, except religious retards. The US is becoming less and less religious over time

larrybalzari wrote:

If a couple chooses to abstain from sex until marriage, how risky is this?

They almost certainly don't like each other enough to have an enduring relationship. If they did, they would ignore stupid rules and get it on already.