Parenting question

OP, listen to Luv2run and his thorough response which also brings true for my children's experiences.

At the age of 8 my son was the meekest kid on the basketball court. He stood still, often with a finger in his nose, as players ran back and forth. He never touched the ball. He didnt do much on the soccer field either. Fortunately my wife, a very kind nurturing soul, reminded me to keep my mouth shut and smile and clap.

As he got older, his confidence increased, his aggressiveness increased and he still plays and loves these sports and is quite good.

Admittedly, I was hoping to give them as many opportunities as possible thinking they'll gravitate toward running when in HS. You never know, they'll figure it out on their own with the help of their peers and experience with all their coaches.

Our job is to provide opportunities and encourage them and cheer on them and their teammates.

Yeah, my kids changed a lot

Agree with enrolling children in lots of activities.

They will gain confidence once they find activities that they enjoy.

Once they get older they will start asking to try things.

Don't make them keep doing a sport they don't like.

If your son isn't enjoying football, take him out. If he's having fun, leave him in.

Kids will find their way, our role is to provide opportunities and support.

(From a Mom to a 17-year old baseball player who I really wanted to play soccer...and a 12-year old dancer who made me cry when she quit gymnastics).

5 year olds live in the moment. Trying to get them to learn concepts like sportsmanship, toughness and determination is very difficult and almost impossible in some kids. That is not to say you shouldn't try. Just don't expect to see any results or have anything you say stick. 5 year olds like to run around and play. The like to win and hate losing. If your kid is having fun, everything is good. If your kid is not having fun and you have to drag him to practice/games, move on and try something else.

Just sent my youngest off to college! In general I would recommend (at any age) that you don't force teaching things like toughness and resilience. You can't really teach that. Kids learn it through time. The best you can do is to make sure your kids are generally having fun, and that you debrief with them casually by asking them how it went, how they are feeling, what they might want to do differently next time. Even reflecting on other kids in a positive, non-comparison way like... "That was pretty rough when Johnny fumbled that TD in the end zome. He looked really upset. I was impressed that he bounced back, kept a positive attitude and kept trying until the end o the game. What would you do if that happened to you?" Telling stories about challenges and failures that you had to overcome in sports and life helps too as they get older.

Football is a brute sport, but learning doesn't happen through brute force. It may sound soft, but kids need to reflect , try things, and figure it out in their heads.

I think there's a lot to be said for persisting in sport. My oldest daughter is not tough in the sense that she hates to get hurt in any way. She doesn't like contact sports, even soccer. Fine - she does swim team. Getting in the pool in the winter builds plenty of toughness.

My middle daughter isn't particularly athletic. (Gross motor delays & therapy as a toddler.) So, when we first put her in soccer she didn't like it that much because she lagged behind the other kids. Solution? Easy - we practice soccer every day, and now she is an average player at least, maybe above average. And she has fun.

My youngest daughter is a bruiser. If she was a boy, football would be a great choice.

So my advice to you is to let your son play a different sport if he wants. Football isn't for everyone. But I do think there is great value in persisting in sports. He's only 5 - lots of 5 year olds hate losing. Just participating in sport will build toughness over time. But different kids do have different temperaments, and I don't necessarily think any one sport is better than another. So find one that's a good fit for your kid.

handegg is a sport for brutes who want to damage their brain even further. if you want a somewhat tough sport football would be good. its more about agility and technique with shooting and dribbling plus a lot of running.

Why does that guy think that enrolling your 5-year old in a sport is pushing them? My 6-year old is in lots of activities. We ask him before we sign him up. He has said yes to some things, no to others.

I also used to worry about his resiliency. He would flip out when losing a board game or something, and that bothered me. I don’t care if he’s the best athlete or student or whatever but as long as he has the grit to keep trying even when he fails there is almost no more important life skill than that.

He’s gotten better as he’s gotten older so that is comforting. On my end I try to (1) model resilience and the never give up attitude, and (2) keep exposing him to losing in safe doses. I let him win for sure, but I also make sure he doesn’t win every time. Seems to be working, fingers crossed.

Sounds like you came to letsrun to vent about your job, at the expense of parents. Dont do that. Find a colleague to whine to, not a parent asking for advise.

The Clown Show wrote:

Stoppit Smith wrote:

You lost me at "enroll your kid"

Wait for them to ASK.

Holy Bleep. Now parents have to ask their kids? Their 5 year old kids? No wonder things are the way they are.

Please, don't have kids.

BTW OP, the idea is for kids to have fun. Expose your son to a few other sports and see where he is having the most fun. And even if he enjoys one particular activity still have him do others.

Yeah, a 5-year old doesn't know what they want or like until they do it. We signed our kids up for swim lessons, summer sports camps, education camps and whatever without asking them when they were young. Sometimes they really liked it and wanted to go back and sometimes they didn't. Sign them up for different sports or activities so they can figure out what they like and what they are good at.

Slightly different approach here. I think it is ok to sign kids up for stuff they didnt ask to be signed up for, but I think there is a balance, which I call talking to my kids. I do this crazy thing where I ask them what they like and talk to them about things I sign them up for. lol

No but seriously, my youngest son is pretty reserved. We signed him up for soccer when he was 4 but unlike his older brother he was not having it. He was all for it until it came time to walk out onto that field and started crying his eyes out. I stood with him out there, held his hand, tried to get him to kick the ball with me. But he wouldnt stop crying. Having and older son who took to any activity with no issue it was hard for me at first. Over the years I had seen other parents forcing their crying kids out onto the field at various sports and to each their own, but I could not do that to my son. I talked to him about it and told him its ok if he doesnt want to do it. Its supposed to be fun. I had other parents tell me I should force him to do sports, that he will get used to it and get over it etc... I didn't listen to any of them. I encouraged him, played stuff in the yard with him etc... Well he's now 9 and been playing soccer for 2 years and is always one of the best defensive players in every game. So my advice, is let your kids be a kid, be themselves, talk to them, listen to them and encourage them. It will work out in the end.

dumbassMF wrote:

Five? Time for knuckle pushups in the rain.

That is the best post of 2021, including anything from me. Seriously, super great! Nice job.

notbuying it wrote:

Treading into new unfamiliar waters.

My son just turned 5 is starting flag football practice. He is one of the smaller kids. I am realizing that he isn't super tough or resilient, by watching how he deals with losing or not scoring a touchdown. I'm not sure football is his thing.

Seasoned parents:

Do you try to build toughness and resiliency or just enroll your kids in activities that play to their strong suits and interests?

Did you notice that your kids (boys) changed a lot related to these behaviors as they aged, or was it consistent with how they acted in their 3-6 year old formative years?

Thanks in advance.

I think you should expose your children to a lot of different things, but focus more on things that they express an interest in (or things that are important to you as a family).

I like to play music. My kids will give up on that really quick. I've never tried to push it because honestly I can do that on my own anyway. My wife and I both like to ski. The kids are going to go skiing with us whether they like it or not (at least at age 5) so they better figure it out.

Behavior will change a lot over the years. They probably always will have some of the same tendencies, but they will express them differently (and if they are detrimental they will learn to hide them).

I have coached a lot of 5 year old (ish) Soccer over the years. At that age one of the most important traits for "success" (in a Soccer context) is just how well the kids can focus. If a kid can stay engaged on the ball with laser focus they will "perform" well regardless of their ability level. Once they are 13 they can all focus so that's no longer a differentiator.

There's a lot of changes that occur in terms of the player standings as they go from 5 to 18. I've seen standouts at 5 become also rans at 7. I've seen kids who were standing around at 7 become the playmaker at 13.

Don't know what you're getting at, but not much interested in the tone. Too focused on some sort of grim ideas about competitiveness.

It would be best to enroll him in some medical experiments such as ivermectin for use in hemorrhoids.

When they're that young give them a big variety of experiences, let them try a lot of things. Even if they're bad at it, it'll teach them how to deal with not being good at something. He needs to learn to suck it up when he doesn't get his way.

Ain't no Chicken wrote:

Why would anybody send his kids to football practice is beyond me.

You must hate your kid a lot.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Health_issues_in_American_football

Soccer isn't much better. My girl concussed out of the sport before making it to high school. Granted, she was playing at a high level and perhaps we shouldn't have adolescents engaged in sports at regional and national levels.

Flagpole wrote:

dumbassMF wrote:

Five? Time for knuckle pushups in the rain.

That is the best post of 2021, including anything from me. Seriously, super great! Nice job.

Coaching at its best:

Noyankee wrote:

Had similar issue w my 5 year old playing teeball. So we tried soccer, football, karate and basketball before he found a sport he liked, hockey. Start there by trying new things and finding something he likes. Then he will become better.

In addition to this, my son didn't develop a "competitive mindset" until 7-8. Basically participating in sports at a young age should be fun and they generally don't care about winning/losing until they get older and now it comes naturally.

Every D1 cross country runner has the same story as your kid-- couldn't hack it in football (or any other sport) when they were a kid so they decided to run. What's the problem?