Anyone have someone go from your best friend to someone you want absolutely nothing to do with? What happened?

Thread has been restored after a troll attempt was deleted.

I have a few friendships like this, but one in particular stands out. There was no big, explosive falling out, more of a gradual crumble. She and I were really really close, almost like we were dating, minus the romantic aspects. Both moved away for college, she to a big conservative southern school, me to a small liberal midwestern school. College amplified our differences, and by the end of freshman year we weren't talking much. Major differences in political opinion had a big role to play, for me. The last straw for me was when I realized she never asked how I was, or any questions at all. Looking back, I also recognize some pretty unhealthy and controlling things she said to me about myself. Conversation became very one sided, which I blame her for. I find it hard to see any personal fault, besides not tolerating outrageous political statements. I think she would say I 'didn't care enough'. I'd say the same about her, as well as that she tried to control my actions and called me stupid a lot. The timeline is crazy imo, within 10 months we went from inseparable to never speaking. Sad, but feels for the best.

Did anyone see the 30-for-30 on Sonny Vaccaro? George Raveling was his best friend and best man at Sonny's second wedding. Sonny started the ABCD basketball camp and Raveling, then coach at USC was upset that Vaccaro was not pursuading top stars to attend USC, one in particular but I can't remember who it was. As revenge Raveling publically called Sonny and his business bad for basketball every chance he got. Raveling eventually took the very same position as Sonny with rival Nike so it is hard to believe he thinks it is bad for basketball. They do not speak and go out of their way to smear the other. What I wrote above is Sonny's side of the story. I have not heard the other side.

I've had the same experience recently. Had to block friends on the phone.

For a complex of reasons, more people simply talk. Output only. Dynamic communication with thought, consideration, reflection, and an upward spiral of understanding is a thing of the past. People just want to "tell you." When you friends fall into this pattern, the friendship dissolves.

I've been teaching for 30 years, and sadly I see this in my students. I commonly observe groups--4 or more kids--facing each other, all talking at the same time. The threads are often unrelated and no one is listening to anything but his or her own voice.

Ya. No major event happened, but two things killed it:

(1) General drifting of life interests / priorities

(2) He married a woman who does not like me

Such is life. Mostly because of (1), it doesn't bother me and I've made new friends with whom I'm more aligned.

Sorry to hear of your situation. Sometimes in friendships perceived virtues can mask flaws. I had a very good friend who was funny, thoughtful, and generous. I met him when I was in my 50's, and our families would spend a lot of time together. Politics entered our conversations more and more, and though it was my intention to discuss those issues independent of media influence, it was clear that he echoed a rigid, conservative viewpoint (please, I really don't care to debate politics here, I just appreciate and respect the breadth of this question). I remember asking him if he felt that who he was had been impacted by the actions, behaviors of his family's ancestors. Although he said yes, he steadfastly refused to believe that some of the challenges blacks in America face have to do with slavery. I felt that was intellectually dishonest, and it made me feel that when I thought we were aligned in so many ways, that actually we weren't. It was more of an unveiling of reality than a fallout over any personal thing. You ask a great question that requires honest self-reflection. I am not sure I'm up to the challenge, as I have for the years since things went south, considered myself an innocent bystander. But maybe I wasn't, I don't know. If you asked him, I think he'd suggest I'm supporting a political side that will ruin our country if allowed to be in power again. Thanks for the question, and very best of luck.

Yes, they started worshipping politics. I simply wanted to spend our time bonding over other things once we both drew our line in the sand. I never once tried to make him change. He got married to someone like him and I never heard from him again.

I think this is happing more nowadays than ever before because of politics. I know friends and even family members who are at odds with each other over supporting or not supporting Trump. I don't agree with questioning someone's character over who they support politically, but there are people who have chosen to completely disassociate themselves from longtime friends over their support of the president.

Experiencing this right now wrote:

Question in the title. For those of you who have had a major falling out with a close friend, what happened? Is there any chance you're missing something or being unreasonable? What would their version of the story be?

Yep I've met lots of people who I was friendly with or tried to be friendly with and then decided I didn't care much for them.

I honestly prefer to have no friends and be true to myself than try to find company with people just for the sake of it.

Having no or few friends is in no way a reflection of someones character.

As the saying goes, better alone than with bad company.

George Washington said that!

I pity you wrote:

Greg wrote:

Yep I've met lots of people who I was friendly with or tried to be friendly with and then decided I didn't care much for them.

I honestly prefer to have no friends and be true to myself than try to find company with people just for the sake of it.

Having no or few friends is in no way a reflection of someones character.

As the saying goes, better alone than with bad company.

George Washington said that!

Willfully choosing to have no friends is definitely a reflection of someone’s character and will only lead one to live a miserable pointless life.

I pity you because you sound dumb, I don't have many friends but could pick up the phone and call at least a few people who are on good terms with me, who respect me and who I respect equally.

So how about using your brain before you make remarks? Bet you never tried..

A bunch of my friends in high school weren't on the track team and some of them were kids that were on the team but didn't try/care much. I don't really have any problem with that, if thats what they want to do than they can do it.

There were always weekend parties I would end up skipping or if I did go, I would leave pretty early. I was probably coming off as "lame" which is weird to me because I was decently close with some of the more popular guys/girls at my school. I wouldn't say I was popular myself, but well known in a pretty big class.

XC was never a big sport at our school, even tho we had multiple state champions while I was there. My friends started getting closer with this group of girls who drew a lot of their attention away. From my perspective, they wanted to just look as cool as possible. I was a kid who was on the XC team, and didn't party much... AKA not cool. I still talk with them and would consider us friends. But am no where near close as I was.

output only wrote:

I commonly observe groups--4 or more kids--facing each other, all talking at the same time. The threads are often unrelated and no one is listening to anything but his or her own voice.

That is quite a bit like certain website forums.

conflicted feelings :/ wrote:

I have a few friendships like this, but one in particular stands out. There was no big, explosive falling out, more of a gradual crumble. She and I were really really close, almost like we were dating, minus the romantic aspects.[ ...] we went from inseparable to never speaking.

Sounds like she just got tired of being friendzoned and moved on. You seem to be lacking some self-awareness, no?

I will add another one.

I've met someone who I thought was great, we seemed to have a connection.

And we would get together sometimes. Yet I was not in a stable place in my life and she had more options than I.

I would get angry about this but anger doesn't really win you friends.

I got the sense she still did want to talk to me sometimes, yet, I was put off because I knew she had some other guy in her life and I didn't want to be a secondary person who she'd just tell stuff to.

So, recently, I told her to not send me her nonsense.

She responded indicating she had a partner and basically told me she did not respect me in an indirect way.

So, what did I do? Well, I waited a day and told her not to contact me and gave her a piece of my mind. I won't say what I said but it was pretty direct. I actually told her to leave Canada and permanently change her name! I thought that was a good response.

I had a friend that this happened with. One thing we had in common was that we were both loners who didn't fit in much. I finally came to a point in my life where I had some connections. I joined a sports team and got a girlfriend, but he was still and might still be an angry loner guy. He kept getting in conflicts with people that he lived with and getting kicked out of places where he lived, and I would help him move. I helped him move 3 times one year. The last time we talked was about a year ago. He had to get the hell out of some place he was living and wanted me to help him move again and I just said no, and he said "nice knowing you". And that was the last time we talked.

Good for you Greg. Except for the leave Canada and change your name thing. that could be taken as a threat and used against you.

yoyoyoyoyo wrote:

Good for you Greg. Except for the leave Canada and change your name thing. that could be taken as a threat and used against you.

Well I guess if it ever goes to court I'd say 'your honor, I expressed my discontent with this person and it's their choice whether they want to leave the country and change their name. I simply expressed my opinion. We all are entitled to our opinions.'

Haven't fallen out with anyone. Just wanted to be alone in peace, so I made myself almost impossible to contact for an extended period of time until people finally stopped sending social invitations and trying to contact me. Coming up with new excuses and/or declining people was mentally exhausting, but after 1.5-2 years they took the hint.

They slept with my husband.