Are weddings a waste of money?

I don't think the wedding industry itself is directly to blame. That massive, overpriced industry is supported by American's cultural norms. It's not that a cake decorator comes to your house and makes you get married - it's that planning a wedding comes with a lot of cultural expectations, and everyone you've ever cared about is breathing down your neck trying to enforce them. If we zoom out, we all mostly agree that weddings are overpriced and could be done much differently. But then we zoom back in on our tiny lives, and we get wrapped up in tiny details of life. We start worrying about outdoing someone else's wedding, or having the perfect wedding to impress your judgmental mother, or whatever it is.

Weddings are insane because they are a place where both partners take out a big box of unresolved tension and conflict, and use it to plan a party.

A good party isn't a waste of money.

But these days there are loads of things that seem to be expected than do seem like a waste - e.g. wedding dress for thousands or tens of thousands - really?

Divorce is when waste of money comes into question.

I appreciate the responses. Thing is, I am a minimalist and also do not care to get married yet. Girl is attached I guess. A wedding is not essential...so why have it? I’d rather donate the money to an animal shelter or something. Weddings are narcissistic in nature, in my opinion.

weddings are not about you, the groom

weddings are about whoever is paying for it. if it's the family of the bride, just chill out and enjoy the experience and be happy that someone wants to give that to you, even if it's more about upholding social norms than it is strictly a celebration of you and your fiancee. if you and your fiancee are paying for it then do whatever you want.

Sounds like there is no real reason to do it other than “muh everyone says so.” I’m not gonna do something that should be about my partnership with someone if its not what I want. It seems like nowadays marriage is for P-whipped beta men trying to grasp on to a woman who gives them a chance just to use them, rather than for men who want to secure and provide for a family.

I paid for a large percentage of my wedding that being said we broke pretty much even in gifts from our registry/money.

Just don't do it then.

You can organize a nice party for your friends without spending much money. I will never understand why people waste $25,000 -50,000 for a wedding. I rather would go on a year long honeymoon backpacking trip instead.

Please don't get married. It is a prison and has no chance of survival in these modern times.

David Bond explains:

https://youtu.be/wXXnZMK1ITE

I don’t mean to be overly pedantic but everything that isn’t an appreciating asset is a “waste of money” on some level.

Your tolerance for and desire to spend money to adhere to cultural norms, enjoy material possessions, travel etc. are a personal decision. So I guess the better question is... do you find value in spending money to have a big party with your family and friends to celebrate your marriage? Does your fiancé find value in this?

Speaking as a financial planner from a purely objective point of view devoid of emotions and cultural norms, let me spell it out for you.

Would you invest $30K to $50K in a fledging company to buy their stock that has a failure rate of 50%?

Financial Planner wrote:

Speaking as a financial planner from a purely objective point of view devoid of emotions and cultural norms, let me spell it out for you.

Would you invest $30K to $50K in a fledging company to buy their stock that has a failure rate of 50%?

Absolutely and resoundingly YES if the 50% which were a success resulted in average annual gains of 200%!

Yes and no. They’re overpriced, you never get the money back, and they cost a lot.

That said, 8 years later my wedding stands as one of the best days of my life. Everyone I love was there with me and was happy. Can you put a price tag on that?

Don’t get married because she wants to. Get married when you both agree that you can not imagine not having each other in your lives. Marriage will be hard, and suck sometimes, you need to know that. The wedding is just a day, the marriage is the rest of your life.

i cant any more wrote:

My girlfriend wants to get married, and I also got invited to a wedding. Would pay money for both experiences. I think they are overpriced and financially abusive, I do not want to support businesses that profit off of inflated priced services. Anyone agree?

You are very wise.

I’ve been to so many weddings that were way over the top extravagant and the grooms were always stressed about how much everything costs. Then after the wedding, you’re back to normal life as if it never happened.

Just go to city hall to get married if she’s bugging you and don’t even bother with a ring. Even that is antiquated.

Save the $$ that losers spend on a wedding and use the $$$ to travel.

And don’t have kids ever. Life is great without them. All my friends with kids are overworked, can’t doing anything spontaneous any more, and have jumbo fat butt wives who claim they couldn’t lose the baby weight. Find a girl who is fit, has some ambition, and isn’t on social media . Make sure her mom isn’t fat.

And I despise businesses that take advantage of guys who are suckered into big weddings. It’s all a money making scam and a good woman doesn’t need any of that. I’m sure some angry fatties won’t like this honesty but oh well. Save your money for a modest house that is close to trails and close to work. Good luck.

Don’t have a wedding.

We had a short civil ceremony and a pretty standard reception but cut a lot of the fluff. We reused my cousin’s centerpieces. We didn’t have flowers for the front of the room or at all beyond bouquets and boutonnières. We each only had one attendant. Our wedding cake was very small and guests were served from a sheet cake (made of the exact same formula from the exact same bakery but hella cheaper). When I was planning I would think to myself “do I remember this detail from the last few weddings I went to?” If not, then pick the plainest, cheapest option and move on.

People really just want a good meal and a good buzz at your wedding if you choose to have one.

Yep they are but I suppose if you have a lot of money then who cares. Theres a lot of societal pressure to have a good wedding, the wedding is glorified by females, and that usually means it will be more expensive. The logic is so stupid for a half day event. You can still have great memories, even greater perhaps with a cheap backyard wedding or something along those lines. The institution of marriage is based on an archaic concept. I'm assuming it will gradually become less glorified by society as time progresses and people realize that it is a waste of money and marriage just let's the government have convenience of seeing into your relationship.

i cant any more wrote:

My girlfriend wants to get married, and I also got invited to a wedding. Would pay money for both experiences. I think they are overpriced and financially abusive, I do not want to support businesses that profit off of inflated priced services. Anyone agree?

Traditionally (in the US) her parents would be the ones paying, and her (and your) parents would enjoy it, so the cost is not really your problem. If you would have to pay for it yourself, then you have a point. I would still say it's worth the money if you spend wisely and invite the people whose company you enjoy.

Thanks again for good discussion everyone.

For those saying that my woman’s family would pay for it, that still seems stupid. Many men are not too prideful to take money, but why take what they don’t need? Again, marriages are unnecessary. I like what a few others have said and put the money forth to a good trip, a home upgrade, etc. As of now, a good plan seems to have tiramisu cake from Olive Garden and just stay in a nice back yard if I ever do get married, ha!