Those of you dating a non-runner, how did you compromise on some of the things that come with running (running early, etc.)?

dump her as soon as possible. go sub 4. the females will follow.

All that stuff you just typed out? Literally say it to your partner. Then, ask questions. Ask what their long term ideal looks like, schedule-wise. Explain that while the excitement of getting to know each other can make us all a little lax on our usual selves for awhile, that running and being an early riser is a really important part of your well-being. When they respond about their habits, truly listen. Note any places where you don't sync up. Look together to find a compromise. If there is no compromise, then you decide if it's enough to be a deal breaker. Communicate.

Fou2 wrote:

All that stuff you just typed out? Literally say it to your partner. Then, ask questions. Ask what their long term ideal looks like, schedule-wise. Explain that while the excitement of getting to know each other can make us all a little lax on our usual selves for awhile, that running and being an early riser is a really important part of your well-being. When they respond about their habits, truly listen. Note any places where you don't sync up. Look together to find a compromise. If there is no compromise, then you decide if it's enough to be a deal breaker. Communicate.

She’s going to dump you. Two reasons: she works until 10pm but you think she’s the lazy one for sleeping in on weekend. The other is you think getting up at 7am is early.

At some point it’ll be clear you are a dopey loser compared to her, and she’ll look for an equal.

Get up quickly w/o making a sound. Go for a run and go back to bed w/your partner. They won’t notice. No shame in getting your runner’s high..;)

The first thing you need to do before you try to answer these kinds of questions is focus on just one person.

If s/he's working til 10pm it sounds link you have like 4 hours after work to get a run in. No idea why you would wait til morning

ChadBrad wrote:

She’s going to dump you. Two reasons: she works until 10pm but you think she’s the lazy one for sleeping in on weekend. The other is you think getting up at 7am is early.

This.

This doesn't sound like someone who is in the passionate/infatuation stage of a relationship. I would be concerned that your feelings for this woman are shy of what is required for long-term potential. When I first started dating my wife, I fell in love quickly and for the first several months running took a back seat. She was all I could think of. I would not have chosen to go to bed early or go for a run if that meant not being able to hang out with her. But maybe I'm just weird.

Well it's nonsense to believe there is "a one" or "the one" in your romantic life. The reality is, it's possible that there are many, many people in life you could have passionate and meaningful relationships with. So if it doesn't work out with this one, then more will come.

Also, this seems like a temporary issue. She could always rearrange her schedule or get another job in the near future.

Lastly, you probably shouldn't see this as a huge issue. As long as you get some meaningful time with this lady each day, you shouldn't see it as a problem. Life is long and things can get stale in the long run, especially if you spend every waking moment together (been married for 3 years but together 9).However! Don't just assume things are alright in her eyes. Feeling frustrated without feeling you can adequately communicate with the other person leads to cheating/breakups/horrible fights. Talk to her about it and let her know she can always talk to you about it.

My wife doesn't run and I do...there are many ways to compromise and make the most of your time together. For example, on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays she goes to the gym and while she goes to the gym, I do my run and end it at the gym. That way, we both get what we want and we both finish at the same time and drive home together....works great without having kids. I sometimes schedule my long run around different things so that it doesn't make her wait around all day for me. Last weekend, we were going to my parents, so I left out the door an hour and a half ahead of her and she picked me up on the way...that way I got my long run in and she didn't have to wait around for me, she could do things around the house and then leave and pick me up. If I know we have things going on after work, I run early. It just depends. The most important thing for you is communication. When I was dating my wife, she knew I valued running, but I also had to make some compromises so that I wasn't leaving her alone all the time. When she was in school, I would run while she did homework. I also try to plan easy/short days on days when I know she won't want me to be out running for a couple of hours. Just talk to this girl and see where it's going for you two.

Funny no one mentions working til 10 PM regularly is a huge red flag. Base on the tiny bit of info the OP provided, this person sounds like a workaholic. OP, thinking about sacrificing your happiness to fit in with their unhealthy lifestyle instead of them adopting healthy habits like--gasp--leaving work at a normal hour to spend time with friends, family, loved ones, hobbies, etc is not good for long-term stability and happiness. Swap "work" with anything else and a sane person would recognize the addiction this person has and tell you to get out early.

IF this person does not go to work until 2 PM my initial thoughts may be out of line. BUT, either way, OP is looking at how to change their lifestyle to fit in with someone who does not appear to share a similar thought process. NEVER, and I do mean NEVER, exchange your positive for someone else's negative.

redux wrote:

Funny no one mentions working til 10 PM regularly is a huge red flag. Base on the tiny bit of info the OP provided, this person sounds like a workaholic.

Young people don't work late because they're workaholics. They work late because entry-level jobs many professional fields often require those kinds of hours. Long hours aren't unusual in finance, law, medicine, and consulting. Most of my peers worked 70+ hours/week in their late 20s and early 30s. They were certainly not workaholics. They hated it, and they were all thinking hard about how to make changes in their lives. Most of them, however, realized that paying your dues can open up a lot of better opportunities down the road. Quitting a "good job" without a clear plan for your career is stupid, unless your mental health absolutely requires it.

If you two are compatible, she will understand what makes you happy and make allowance for it. Especially if it is something as benign as getting in a run. You could reciprocate by accommodating her. Stay up late one night of the week and do something nice for her. It is not that hard.

Perhaps the LRC ladies can give you more specific pointers.

800 dude wrote:

redux wrote:

Funny no one mentions working til 10 PM regularly is a huge red flag. Base on the tiny bit of info the OP provided, this person sounds like a workaholic.

Young people don't work late because they're workaholics. They work late because entry-level jobs many professional fields often require those kinds of hours. Long hours aren't unusual in finance, law, medicine, and consulting. Most of my peers worked 70+ hours/week in their late 20s and early 30s. They were certainly not workaholics. They hated it, and they were all thinking hard about how to make changes in their lives. Most of them, however, realized that paying your dues can open up a lot of better opportunities down the road. Quitting a "good job" without a clear plan for your career is stupid, unless your mental health absolutely requires it.

True enough. We are both making assumptions as to why this person is working so late. I'd like OP to explain this.

Fou2 wrote:

All that stuff you just typed out? Literally say it to your partner.

If that doesn´t work out, can he say it figuratively?

I'll reply to the general question in your thread title, not to the specifics of your situation. Others have covered that pretty well.

I married a non-runner. When we were dating I would get up early to run. If I needed to run after work, sometimes I would leave clothes at her place and run to her house. I was running 90-100 mpw at the time. Running in the heat was a compromise for the relationship. Dealing with a sweaty version of me some evenings was a compromise for her.

Now that we're married and have kids, I'm still running 90-100 mpw with plans to bump that higher in the future. I'm up at 4 am, including the weekends, and do 90% of my running before dawn. I average 7 hrs of sleep, which is not quite enough, but not so bad that I'm breaking down. I also nap occasionally on the weekends. She compromises by not giving me crap when I'm beat down and need to go to bed by 8:30. I bought a jogging stroller and will take whichever kid she's tired of on my evening runs on days I need to double. Sometimes that sucks. Sometimes it's blowing 20 mph and the jogging stroller acts like a sail. We also coordinate at the beginning of each week as to which days will be doubles so that we can fit all of the evening chores into the week. Sometimes I have to miss an evening run due to unforeseen circumstances.

All of these are compromises I've made to fit everything that I love into my life.

My wife has run a couple 5ks with me, but running just to run like us nuts isn't her thing. She's been an athlete though her whole life and workouts almost daily in one way shape or form. She knows on most Saturday mornings I am going to be gone probably 2 hours for a long run, but we incorporate a big brunch into our schedule and we sit down and just enjoy the moment afterwards. I find it odd when athletes don't marry or date other athletes, because it's a big part of who we are, the mindset and the physical and mental health benefits that follow are contagious. Personally, I couldn't have been with somebody long term who did nothing physically, big turnoff.

I was trying to be intentionally vague but we are both PhD students so I do work longer hours too, but I tend to start earlier and finish earlier while they tend to work late in lab.