My FWB of 7 months wants us to be official bf-gf. I am really struggling with the idea. Need input.

She into butt stuff? If so keep her

DaneRauschenburg wrote:

No. Never buy it, after leasing it. This is no love story. Gotta love a broad who switches up her marketing plan mid stream in the attempt to set the hook. Don't do it. She already devalued herself.

She said that she has not seen anyone but me since late March. I have reason to believe her.

Jkhfcv wrote:

She into butt stuff? If so keep her

+1, it's not easy to find a girl into pegging!

Dude. Pics. Seriously dude.

"Jane and I talked early on about keeping things light and how neither of us were looking for a relationship"

98% of women out there are never going to say they are looking for a relationship. The 2% that are, especially at her age (22), are bat shit crazy and have this fantasy/dream of being married/having a family/prince charming/security type shit.

I'd be willing to bet that she is either getting pressure from her friends or her parents to "move" this "friend" thing forward or find someone who is willing to settle down with her. She probably is seeing her college friends start in long term relationships and/or get engaged and her own mind starts thinking "when is it going to be my turn" or "I want to be able to say I have a boyfriend".

Old Man Runner wrote:

"Jane and I talked early on about keeping things light and how neither of us were looking for a relationship"

98% of women out there are never going to say they are looking for a relationship. The 2% that are, especially at her age (22), are bat shit crazy and have this fantasy/dream of being married/having a family/prince charming/security type shit.

I'd be willing to bet that she is either getting pressure from her friends or her parents to "move" this "friend" thing forward or find someone who is willing to settle down with her. She probably is seeing her college friends start in long term relationships and/or get engaged and her own mind starts thinking "when is it going to be my turn" or "I want to be able to say I have a boyfriend".

I don't she's getting pressure from anyone. It's more like up until now we've just hung out to do FWB stuff, and we (mostly she) would like to take things a bit further and see if there's more there. It's fun to actually do things with a partner of some kind like go for a day hike, visit a nearby city, etc. Part of me would like to test the waters with that stuff too, but I also don't want either of us to get too emotionally invested, and I think that could be a problem for her (and possibly me).

Really, what would be ideal would be she be my primary girl but I also occasionally see other girls just for physical fun but nothing emotional. I don't know as if that's really fair to her though since she has stated she has no interest in something like that for herself and that if she and I are together than we need to be exclusive... sigh.

Pics?

Your situation sounds pretty similar to my current situation. I do not yet feel ready to be monogamous, but it's also difficult to keep a "primary girl and a few other girls" setup for the long term. What I would say to you (and I'm trying to say to myself) is, just be fair to her. You really can't have a girlfriend and still be with other girls unless you cheat on her or have an open relationship. If that is not acceptable to you/her, then you need to decide whether or not to continue this arrangement.

Do you want to get married or have kids one day? Does she?

Really, what would be ideal would be she be my primary girl but I also occasionally see other girls just for physical fun but nothing emotional. I don't know as if that's really fair to her though since she has stated she has no interest in something like that for herself and that if she and I are together than we need to be exclusive... sigh.[/quote]

Really, what would be ideal is if she would let me bring home hookers for threeways and intravenous drug use. But she is all uptight about opiods and getting hep C . . . sigh.

Come on man! Just go steady with the poor girl for a while. If it doesn't work, you can go right back to your one night stands.

22/29 age difference is pretty ideal for guys who are hesitant about relationships. If things do not work out, the girlfriend will have plenty of time to find someone. And while you are together, there will not be any biological clock issues.

Also, take a look at what women look like when they are closer to 40 than 30. In a few years, the women in their 20s are going to think you are too old and you may think that they are too young. That will land you squarely into a demographic of women who are either divorced with a kid or are damaged goods. Do not pass up the opportunity to build a relationship with a nice young girl just because you like playing the field. The field is not going to get any younger.

Replying to you and the guy below you.

I know, I know. It's not fair, and the "ideal" is not really how relationships work. She is adamant that she never wants kids and seriously doubts she will ever marry and if either happen it won't be for 15+ years. She is 22 though, and many people don't want kids or marriage at that age. I didn't. But your thoughts and priorities change as you grow and time goes on. I do want kids (I think), but definitely not any time soon. I don't really see this relationship ending with kids and marriage, and neither of us even want that for any relationship at this time in our lives, but for some reason it still seems a little off to invest a lot of time in someone you know you aren't going to end up with.

Part of the dilemma is that I live in a university town with around 20,000 girls in the age range of 18-26, and I have done very well with that population. I have lots of options. I know it's shallow, but when there are opportunities to sleep with various beautiful women every single week, it's kind of hard to just say no to all that. If I was with someone I considered the love of my life and someone I saw myself being with 20 years from now it'd be different, but Jane is more like a good solid girl who is hot and I enjoy spending time with but who is not the greatest match for me for a long term partner. I also have baggage and think she could find someone more suitable for her than me for a long term partner as well.

The more I think about it, the more I feel like I'm just not ready yet. Maybe in a few more months, but not right now. Still open to more input though.

Aversion wrote:

what would be ideal would be she be my primary girl but I also occasionally see other girls just for physical fun but nothing emotional.

Well then do that. However you should realize that doing so will eventually morph into what she's asking for now.

I don't know as if that's really fair to her though since she has stated she has no interest in something like that for herself and that if she and I are together than we need to be exclusive... sigh.

Ah huh.

Aversion wrote:

Jane is more like a good solid girl who is hot and I enjoy spending time with but who is not the greatest match for me for a long term partner. I also have baggage and think she could find someone more suitable for her than me for a long term partner as well.

Why is she not a good match for long term? Are you able to have good conversations with her?

What kind of baggage do you have? Whether she can find someone more suitable or not is her choice not yours.

The more I think about it, the more I feel like I'm just not ready yet. Maybe in a few more months, but not right now.

A big part of getting ready is pursuing a relationship with your potential partner, as this is the way you learn and find out.

She probably got tired of you. You're practically 30. She wants you to grow up.

This might be a good opportunity to try to seduce her mother. Or her dad. Or both.

That's Great! Thanks for posting!

I understand your position. But part of being in a relationship is making sacrifices for your partner. If you aren't willing to compromise, which in this case means 'be exclusive', then don't do it. Or, break it off once you realize that you don't want that compromise anymore.

If she is willing to wait a couple months, maybe you will be more receptive to the idea. Or, maybe it will be too much for her and she will bail. As you said, she is young and being 'led on' for another year (or less) is not a big deal.

I'm not trying to sound judgmental here, because I have been in similar situations. But eventually you will either find yourself wanting to spend more non-physical time with her, and be willing to be exclusive, or you will decide that her request to be exclusive is a deal-breaker. Or she will decide to break it off because you kept her waiting too long and maybe she met someone else.

She's not worth having as a girlfriend and you're not a guy worth having. Part ways as soon as you can.

1.5/10Sure you got some replies, but they were long-winded and semi-coherent, just like your original post. Plus there was the dead giveaway:

Aversion wrote:

and I helped her move.

Pegging! wrote:

Jkhfcv wrote:

She into butt stuff? If so keep her

+1, it's not easy to find a girl into pegging!

Thanks to widespread pr0n, it's easier than you think but still an important consideration. If she's into rimming AND pegging, OP would be foolish not to try.

Most relationships "fail" over time of course but don't deny yourselves the efforts and orgasms, especially at your age.

Aversion wrote:

DaneRauschenburg wrote:

No. Never buy it, after leasing it. This is no love story. Gotta love a broad who switches up her marketing plan mid stream in the attempt to set the hook. Don't do it. She already devalued herself.

She said that she has not seen anyone but me since late March. I have reason to believe her.

Ignore that @sshat. It isnt a business transaction. You either connect or you don't. People don't have more or less "value" than other people, at least in this context. As an employee, sure, but not as a potential romantic partner. It's binary: good fit, not a good fit.