Another failing marriage thread, for old times' sake

Seek therapy. You can't fix it in your own.

Don't give up when it comes to marriage. Never, ever ever quit. You'll thank me later.

Try counseling. Try waiting. Try talking. Try a vacation together.

So?

Find a marriage & family counselor/therapist tomorrow. If you want to save your marriage, you're going to have to dig deep and work at it.

In the mean time, ask her what is missing and then really listen. Listen without preparing a response while she's talking. Just listen and try to understand what she says.

I waited too long. It may be too late for me, but I hope you can work it out.

Does she have a life insurance policy? If not take out the largest one available and reply in this thread for the next step.

It's because she is flirting with someone else, probably on the Internet. The grass is always greener.

gdm wrote:

Yesterday my wife of 5 years told me she's "not sure" if she still loves me. What's up with that? I didn't see this coming at all. I guess I hurt her feelings too many times, and I can be a bummer to be around sometimes.

Are you a self-centered a-hole like my wife?

She didn't see it coming either.

She is definitely intrigued by someone else. I'm not saying she is cheating. But she is interested on some level in someone else.

It is certainly worth the time and work to solve things.

But at the same time, 5 years isn't so long. If it ends, it will hurt a lot, but it won't be the end of the world.

Does she act like she cares about you? Does she care about you, or are you basically on your own? Actions speak louder than words. Can you go on caring about each other like decent human beings? Keep looking out for each other?

There are a lot of other questions , but lots of people couples don't go around saying they love each other all the time. And yeah, in marriage people say stuff that could hurt and take some time to put in perspective.

Your wife is an unintelligent, immature, selfish asshat that doesn't know what love is.

Only 5 years and she's already crying in her milkshake, freaking over emotional, me me me, lightweight crap.

My wife decided that we are separating. I scheduled an appointment for a counselor next week and I'll go by myself if I have to.

Are you a self-centered a-hole like my wife?

Apparently so.

She is definitely intrigued by someone else.

I can't rule that out, but I don't really think it's the underlying reason for all this.

Does she act like she cares about you? Does she care about you, or are you basically on your own? Actions speak louder than words. Can you go on caring about each other like decent human beings? Keep looking out for each other?

I feel that she still cares about me, and she said so. But she says she's confused and not sure if she's still in love with me.

Do this if you want years more of pain.If not it sounds pretty bad (the "I'm not sure if I love you", then separation suggestion )Cut and run. Life is short. You'll have 2-3 years of melancholy and then you'll be far happier long term.

it can work wrote:

Don't give up when it comes to marriage. Never, ever ever quit. You'll thank me later.

Try counseling. Try waiting. Try talking. Try a vacation together.

Op she either is already emotionally cheating or has a prospective new guy in mind that isn't you, cut your losses and move on.

gdm wrote:

Yesterday my wife of 5 years told me she's "not sure" if she still loves me. What's up with that? I didn't see this coming at all. I guess I hurt her feelings too many times, and I can be a bummer to be around sometimes.

Too late, move on. She's probably got some BBC on the side already, you should too.

It can still be great after this. Almost 20 years for me and we've had rough spots.

Have kids? Have God? If neither maybe get a vasectomy, an STD doc and a tindr account. If either, work on it.

Yeah, she's definitely interested in someone else. (She will deny this btw)

Ive seen sooo many divorces through the years, and I cannot think of one where the person wanting the divorce didn't already have a "plan B"- even if it wasn't an affair, it had been arranged that they would get together once the married folks split.

Most people will not end a marriage and just go on to nothing unless the situation is truly toxic.

Well, my husband has hurt my feelings and he can be a bummer to be around, but I' not cutting him loose for it.

Is she willing to go to counseling with you? Do you have children? If she's not willing to go to counseling, what is the separation for? Is she expecting you to move out or is she moving out? Are you telling us everything? How did you feel about her up to the moment before she told you this?

Some people can't differentiate that "ooey gooey doe-eyed love" like you have in hot burning romances for what you have with a marriage.

gdm wrote:

Yesterday my wife of 5 years told me she's "not sure" if she still loves me. What's up with that? I didn't see this coming at all. I guess I hurt her feelings too many times, and I can be a bummer to be around sometimes.

What was the context of her telling you this? Was there an argument or was it one of those "Honey please pass the salt and by the way I am not sure I love you" moments that came out of nowhere?