Anyone pine over someone for years?

vivalarepublica wrote:

Precious Roy wrote:

Happens to everyone. You create a fantasy world where the one that got away is the perfect love of your life. Just remember that the reality is that every relationship is work and no one lives a life of perpetual puppy love with their spouse.

Yea this. It doesn't matter how great you think it would be with this person in the long term, an actual long-term relationship is a commitment for the mutual benefits of relationships and they require deliberate work. Pining after someone because you think they are great has nothing to do with what it's actually like to be with that person.

This is great advice. She's great. That's not the same thing as living with her.

There was an attractive woman where I worked for three years. Despite being married I fell for her (she was unmarried). We spent alot of time, just the two of us and we had alot of fun. For her it may or may not have ended there, but I was obsessed. I never acted on my feelings and while I think she had them too (never really know for sure) she respected my marrige by at least not making a physical move. This was a little more than a two year ordeal. My wife eventually caught on and it was difficult for both of us.

The other woman and I had a little of a falling out and I took a better job a few states away, my wife was happy to get away from my crush and pushed hard for the move in our discussions, though she never brought this up in the process.

Neither me or the other woman tried to keep in touch when I left, she became involved with someone else and I wanted to save my marriage. This was three years ago. I think about her every now and again and maybe always will, but my obsession ended a long time ago. Distance and cutting contact off were effective.

At the time I was happy with this outside woman, but I also carried alot of guilt. Now I am probably happier, approaching 10 years married and have two young sons with my wife.

If you want to get over this crush cut her out. That worked for me. I also now know, as a married man, to avoid one on one time with attractive women.

Not a story of we pined for yeas but a tale of waiting for a chance to take a shot at a relationship.

I'll be brief for the story covers 30 plus years.

We met by chance. Me just in a relationship her coming out of a very bad one-I'll not bore you with the details of her leaving the abusive relationship. Propinquity opened a door to our friendship. She became friends with my gf also. She slowly healed. My relationship cooled. I moved on. The friendship continued. Another gal for me with her firmly in my circle of friends. I fell into the comfort of serial monogamy. As she healed she started dating. She and her BF joined me and two other couples in a summer rental share. At one point we kind of knew we wanted to date each other. Because our friendship started with her abuse- we blah blah intimate details, feelings blah blah we only touched on an "us" lightly but the cat was unbagged. We stopped the summer share but still were in a compact circle of friends I with someone when she was free . . . her with someone when I was free. . . Both happily entrenched in our serial monogamy. . 19 years after meeting we got together at a friends party and realized neither had a partner. We made our excuses and left. Three days later we got out of bed and went to her place to pack a bag and she moved in and sublet her place.. By month four we knew we would be moving on as serial monogamist are want to do. We lasted two wonderful years. We knew we loved each other in a friendship that was rare --we loved each other but were not in love with each other- a special friendship she likened to incestuous brother and sister.

She actually married a few years later. I walked her down the aisle. We never went back to being lovers but that amazing friendship lasted until her death 34 years after we met.

The memory is warm and loving and kind of perfect in it's imperfect way.