Being cheated on...were you able to stay together?

That's tough man. Pretty hard to trust someone after they cheat. I don't know about the details of the fighting, but cheating is a pretty extreme response, especially if you've been together for some time.

Do you want to trust her?

Once a cheat, always a cheat.

Dude. I guarantee she LOVED it too.

Yes, I want to trust her. But I don't trust her one bit. Everything she says or tons of past issues come to mind and I wonder if she is lying or lied back then too. It's a mess.

Again --- I don't know the full details. But cheating on someone who you're in a serious relationship with in retaliation (?) is an extreme move.

Even if you want to trust her, if you don't, it seems like you can't force it. It's her doing, not yours.

Not trying to put you down or anything but if you have any self respect at all say good-bye and walk away. There is ZERO possibility that you will ever fully trust her again. And that is no way to live your life.

It will be tough. But for your own sake start your future NOW.

Time to say good bye. It would have been easier to make that decision if you lived separately.

It's always a bad decision to live together as an unmarried couple. Very, very bad.

sage advice wrote:

It's always a bad decision to live together as an unmarried couple. Very, very bad.

No it's NOT. What does this accomplish? If you aren't going to get along living together prior to marriage, you surely won't get along once the ring is on the finger. You should live with your partner a year or so prior to marriage to see if you can cut it.

As to our OP - this really sucks. My ex-wife cheated on me with a co-worker and we divorced. They are getting married next month. Thankfully I didn't have any kids with that fat witch so I never have to see her again. I'm also dating a woman who is 10x hotter than my ex-wife, not to mention smarter, and adores me.

Divorce, breakups, cheating, it all hurts in ways most will never understand. She wasn't right for you and obviously didn't care about you, so it's probably in your best interest to leave.

Your best days are ahead of you!

Thanks guys. I had never been cheated on before. Always confident outgoing guy. I always said if a girl cheated on me, I would just walk away.

This was different. We have been together 7 years or so. The living together thing made it hard as well.

Now I find myself thinking about this everyday. I'm a jealous wreck as well. I NEVER was a jealous guy. Even if there was something to be jealous about, I took things real mellow. Now when I see her texting, I'm thinking who.

The worst part is knowing how depressed I'm going to be if I just leave...thinking about who she is with now.

Trust me, I know I sound like a pathetic mess. I was never like this. I have no idea how I became this insecure depressed idiot.

Anyway - thanks for some of the responses. Glad to hear others have gone through it. Part of me just wants to end it...I just get so depressed, I feel like I can't.

I promise you from a perspective of having incredible experience with women, these are your most likely scenarios.

1) She truly does love you and wants you back. HOWEVER once a woman cheats on a man and he takes her back, she can never respect him no matter what. Deep down she can never respect him.

2) You can try working it out and things will probably be good for a long time. But know this: once a cheater, always a cheater. She's not special, you aren't special. Realize this: there is a high chance she cheats again.

3) I know there is a lot of investment that goes into long term live in relationships, and if you have been with someone for a long time, it feels wrong to be without them or to break things off, compounded by the fact that if you break contact with her, she will try to get you back.

There are a lot of details I don't know about your situation so I can't give you very specific advice, so I hope this helps.

Hang in there man, hope whatever is supposed to happen works out for you.

Sorry to hear about this; hang in there.

As the last poster said, it's tough to say what to do without the details but even the details won't tell the whole story. But I'd personally have trouble trusting someone who consciously, unequivocally hurt me in this kind of way.

patheticthomas9 wrote: I have no idea how I became this insecure depressed idiot.

This is why she cheated on you. You became insecure and self-loathing, contrary to what you think.

Forget all this nonsense about being a caring, sensitive man.

Women don't want a pushover, they want a strong guy who is decisive and takes absolutely no crap. She's with you because she feels safe and you won't beat the snot out of her verbally, and or physically (not advisable obviously).

Hear me out - do you ever wonder why prisoners and convicted killers receive love letters? Because they are cold and edgy. Women dig that crap.

You know who isn't receiving love letters? Nerds and introverted nice guy runners (which is exactly who you are to her right now!)

Now, don't go out and kill someone - but think about what I wrote. What you should have done, in order to get your respect back, was to tell her to hit the bricks and never talk to her again. She probably would have begged and pleaded to get you back.

Don't cry, don't write love letters, don't even talk to her. They secretly love that they have enough power over you in order for you to do this, but they are repelled by this beta behavior.

Be that confident guy you once were - you need to walk away man. Establishing boundaries like this will not only help you in your next relationship but virtually everything you do.

It's tough to be objective when you're in the middle of what you're going through. But these feeling of jealousy and depression are simply chemical reactions in your brain that occur when you're drawn to someone. The good news is they will eventually go away if you completely remove her from your life. The question is whether you can eat crow for a couple months to better your future. It's not easy though, I know from experience.

I tried cheating on my girlfriend multiple times last year, but I couldn't find a single girl I could stand to listen to long to bone.

I wasted three years trying to "work it out" You can never again trust her. Leave now. This very freaking moment. Don't try to be friends. Don't talk to her. Don't write her. If she writes you-send it back unopened.

I wasted a year trying to work things out after the cheating happened. It did NOT work.

Granted, I was the one who cheated. I felt guilty, and out of guilt, rather than love, I wanted to stay with her. She accepted, and immediately I resented her for being that weak. She didn't take much convincing. I felt like I could walk all over her and she'd never fight me again. The balance of power shifted dramatically.

If she cheated on you, she didn't love you. And if you stay, she won't love you because you put up with it, so clearly you are very dependent on her.

Been there. You need to stop looking in the review mirror and start planning the next relationship that was meant to be. A new adventure awaits you.

If I had tried to hang on and make it work, I would never have met my wife and made two great kids. I am very happy. My ex-girlfriend is a two time loser with a fatherless kid by the guy she cheated on me with. He was abusive and she divorced. I would have never treated her that way but that's what she thought she wanted. Found out her second hubby didn't work out either. I actually feel sorry for her (but more for her kid) now to some degree because of the happiness that I found with another that I didn't think was possible when mourning our break-up after several years together.

Trust me, no matter how good you think you had it with her and the possibility of working it out, you are wasting time on getting together with another, better person that will make you happier. All part of the learning process for the one that counts. At least you aren't married or have kids that will suffer.

This once a cheater always a cheater is nonsense.

I know a couple, where the guy cheated on the woman when they were dating and now they are happily married.

Let's not talk cliches.