Kids raised by Single Fathers turn out alright. Kids raised by Single Mothers end up messed up. Why?

Or he's a screwup who lacked a father and chooses to blame his issues on his mother.

I was raised by a single father and did quite well (in my opinion).

My gut says that a woman who remains single probably has serious issues (mental instability...). A man who remains single may not be as unstable (on average).

I think that may explain why the single father would do better (on average) as a parent than the single mother.

Here, start the sampling now. One child of single father does well...

I know this anecdotal and it doesn't quite fit but it does relate. I teach and to a point, I agree with the OP but don't think it is as black and white as he claims. In general, I've found that single dads are more demanding and structured. Single moms tend to have a harder time being involved and have trouble with their sons. This may be due to work. I think somebody mentioned the earning power of a single dad as opposed to a single mom. Definitely a difference there. Of course I could count the number of single dads I've dealt with on one hand. Single moms... too many. It's definitely possible that if the numbers were similar, this conversation would be different. I also think the gender of the children plays is a factor.

One small example from this school year.

Our middle school takes a standardized test every year. We have about 70 boys in our middle school. 6th grade boys were above average in reading and math for schools in our demographic, 7th grade below in both, and 8th grade above. This is really general information. I know the parents and in particular the dads of the boys in each grade. We have an inordinate number of boys (8) with single moms or detached and uninvolved (due to work, mostly) fathers among our 7th grade boys. Our 6th graders have 2 boys with a single parent (one father, one mother). The eighth grade has no boys with single moms or dads (very strange). Academically, I think it has made a difference.

Athletically, there is an impact as well. I've coached almost all of them at some point and taught them all. The 6th grade class is by far the most coachable and disciplined group followed by the 8th and then the 7th grade, whose behavior as of late has been atrocious. Our 6th graders had multiple dads showing up to games and practice while our 7th grade have moms picking up and dropping off and making games from time to time. It's sad and unfortunate.

I realize that this is a very limited observation but I'm sure there are teachers out there who have had similar experiences.

Moms are great!

Kjbhubhu wrote:

I was raised by a single father and did quite well (in my opinion).

A bunch of BS using purely and ridiculously unsubstantiated speculation about mental instability

Here, start the sampling now. One child of single father does well...

I am one of nine raised by a single mother.

Out of 9:

9 graduated high school in the top 10% of their class

2 valedictorians

8 graduated from college (4 years)

6 have graduate degrees

7 make north of $100k

8 are married

0 divorces

8 have children of their own

Of 11 grandchildren above age 18, 10 are in college full time or have already graduated.

Single mom seems to have done pretty well.

The Man and The Legend wrote:

Kjbhubhu wrote:

I was raised by a single father and did quite well (in my opinion).

A bunch of BS using purely and ridiculously unsubstantiated speculation about mental instability

Here, start the sampling now. One child of single father does well...

I am one of nine raised by a single mother.

Out of 9:

9 graduated high school in the top 10% of their class

2 valedictorians

8 graduated from college (4 years)

6 have graduate degrees

7 make north of $100k

8 are married

0 divorces

8 have children of their own

Of 11 grandchildren above age 18, 10 are in college full time or have already graduated.

Single mom seems to have done pretty well.

4/10, you had me until 0 divorces.

My father had his own business and worked about 14 to 16 hours per day. Not that he had to. He left his job and had the dream to start something on his own.

I'm not sure if physical presence is that important (probably doesn't hurt, but...). I think that mental stability of the single parent is.

It's tough to raise a teenage boy (I have 2). I see that my wife has an even tougher time then me. I found myself quite irrelevant in the children early years. However, I find my wife quite irrelevant during the boys teenage years.

I'm guessing that this is probably common behavior.

Since teenage years are the critical years that determine your destiny, I am guessing that the father's presence is probably very relevant.

I guess that's why it's better to have 2 parents.

So if you are stuck with one, then:

Mental stability is #1

If both father and mother are mentally stable, then

Probably father is more important during teenage years (for boys at least)

For the sake of argument, let’s assume fathers and mothers are equally important and equally competent at raising children.

There are a variety of ways a child can be raised by one parent: divorce, death, and abandonment.

We will also acknowledge the fact that, all things being equal, the mother will get primary custody because the courts favor them in a divorce. Because of this, even with our first assumption of equality of the sexes in all other ways, the average child who is raised by a single parent because of a divorce will be better off with the father, simply because of the sample bias.

With our assumption of equality between the sexes, the child should be equally well off with either parent if one dies. A child raised by a single parent because of the other parent’s death should have a better chance of being raised well than any other single parent, because selfishness and/or bad judgment has been not been shown by the parent raising the child, unlike most cases of divorce or even abandonment, where a majority of single parents chose to procreate without sufficient prudence.

It is also clearly far easier to abandon a child as a man than it is as a woman because of the 9 months it the child spends in the womb. A child abandoned by one of its parents is also the one which is probably in the worst situation of the three. Although, with our assumption of equality between the sexes, a child would not be better off with one abandoning parent than another, there will be more children in this worst situation with mothers than there will be with fathers, simply because it is easier to abandon a child as a man.

If our first assumption of sexual equality as parent is true, children of single fathers will be better off than children of single mothers, not due to some inherent superiority of fathers (which we assumed to be false anyway), but simply due to sampling bias.

5X higher single mothers in black families. There's your "racism".

I am just shocked to be reading a thread putting down women on Letsrun.

The Man and The Legend wrote:

Kjbhubhu wrote:

I was raised by a single father and did quite well (in my opinion).

A bunch of BS using purely and ridiculously unsubstantiated speculation about mental instability

Here, start the sampling now. One child of single father does well...

I am one of nine raised by a single mother.

Out of 9:

9 graduated high school in the top 10% of their class

2 valedictorians

8 graduated from college (4 years)

6 have graduate degrees

7 make north of $100k

8 are married

0 divorces

8 have children of their own

Of 11 grandchildren above age 18, 10 are in college full time or have already graduated.

Single mom seems to have done pretty well.

How was she making these babies?

I don't think you are accounting for character.

A man that fathers a child and runs away/run out is a scum bag. He probably also traffics in low class women, so they produce low class children that turn into low class adults.

A man that father's a child and takes on the responsibility to raise it has character and he will teach his child those traits.

Raised by single father here too...

I did quite alright

Father had a job, but started his own business when we were old enough to take care of ourselves. He also ended up doing well.

You read a lot about how overwhelmed single mothers are and how their kids turn out screwed up.

You never hear the same about kids raised by single fathers

Interesting. I never really thought of it before.

nope...... wrote:

5X higher single mothers in black families. There's your "racism".

You bumped an 8 year old thread to say this. Shame on you.

To sum it all up:

Women make everything appear much harder than it really is.

Also, any single woman over 30 is gonna be a nut ? case.

So many confounding factors. I think a lot of it actually comes down to why the child came to be. In America you statistically cannot have a worse start than being a black male born out of wedlock. Who is really at fault here though? Is it the single mother, who likely has trauma of her own to sift through? Or is it really the absence of the deadbeat father, in and out of the boy’s life? Most boys aspire to be like their parents, so who is that kid meant to look up to? Almost every success story that begins in this way ends happily because the mother worked through her trauma in time and another male role model took on the job of fathering the kid.

What about a girl? Sure, she has her direct role model, but that role model likely had her young and has been in several abusive relationships herself. With no male role models around, she’ll likely fall for the first sign of affection, and the process begins anew.

The process by which a child is conceived requires two people to participate. Ultimately parenting does too.

breit leit wrote:

I am just shocked to be reading a thread putting down women on Letsrun.

?

Can’t we have a discussion about this without getting offended. There is an issue with children raised by single mothers.

The legal system simply hands over the children to the mothers. Maybe that’s not smart.

Maybe it’s easier for single men to raise children than it is for women. However, someone here mentioned that maybe single mothers that can’t find a new husband are simply nut jobs, which skews the stats.

I don’t know.

It is ok to have conversations...

STFUbish wrote:

The process by which a child is conceived requires two people to participate.

Not really if you use a sperm donor. Also many single women adopt,

hgjghjgjh wrote:

Raised by single father here too...

I did quite alright

Father had a job, but started his own business when we were old enough to take care of ourselves. He also ended up doing well.

You read a lot about how overwhelmed single mothers are and how their kids turn out screwed up.

You never hear the same about kids raised by single fathers

Interesting. I never really thought of it before.

Where was mom?