How to deal with Love-Shyness?

Use an alter ego, like pretend you are an exchange student from Eastern Europe. Go all-out as you have nothing to lose. Girls will go for it if you act confident and assertive. Once you get used to that, start using the real you when you try to pick up and the confidence should carry over.

Rx for beta blockers. Otherwise you're screwed (or not)

You need to show girls that you are interested in them. You need to start by having your arm around them and hugging them.

I feel like I'm in the same boat. It started by hooking up with a girl that I had a crush on. Since then I've asked her to dinner, been on other little dates, hooked up again, had great conversations at every turn but she won't return my texts now and was never the first to engage in conversation anyway. I feel like it might have been my awkwardness in that area and how we are in group settings that scared her away but I'm not too sure. I always feel shy trying to strike up the first convo. I'll be interested in what people have to say on here.

experiment with Inderal; see if it keeps your over-active nervous system in check, cuz nothing good will happen if you are all "locked up."

now that the drugs are preventing your mind/body from terrorizing you and leaving you twisting in the wind, think about this: you and all those hot girls who are blowing your fuses are all going to be dead and gone in the not-to-distant future, so, WHAT THE HELL, be stupid, be crazy, it really doesn't matter, does it? embrace the absurd!

what's the worst that can happen, compared to the fact that you are already dancing on the deck of the titanic?

knowing this frees you up to try all kinds of crazy stuff because, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. your myopic self-dramas are a speck of nothing in our absurd universe.

so there it is, your free, all-day pass to act with all the bravado you like--because NONE of it really matters. what the other puny creatures think of you is insignificant...one day, they'll all be dust in the wind, just like you.

Date only girls you aren't attracted to. That's what the girl you were just dating was doing in your case, and she did OK.

Everything I have heard has said taking drugs is not the way to combat this.

Also, why would someone date someone whom they are not attracted to? Seems counter intuitive to me.

First of all play in your league. If you are a 6 look for girls who are 6's and do on according to your number. Remember that women love confidence, and don't forget that no one has ever died from being rejected. Being rejected is part of the game and it happens to everyone. Brad pit, Tom Brady and every dude who has ever tried to get laid has been rejected at one time or another so go for it.

How do I know what number I am out of 10? How do I know my league?

1) build a good base first. Lots of casual hookups with 5's,6's with the occasional 7+ tempo.

2) Lactate threshold and tolerance. Approach and talk to 7's and 8's with frequent, brief rest intervals, keeping the heart rate in the 80-90% of max zone

3) peaking and competition. Easy days with friend-girls to stay loose, then go in hard but relaxed after 8's and 9's, negative-splitting the date optimally, allowing you to kick past the competition with ease.

Be sure to maintain good form and electrolyte balance throughout.

haaha that was funny

POTD!Also:Hot girls don't date hot guys- they date guys who date hot girls. Remember that.

Dating Coach 359 wrote:

1) build a good base first. Lots of casual hookups with 5's,6's with the occasional 7+ tempo.

2) Lactate threshold and tolerance. Approach and talk to 7's and 8's with frequent, brief rest intervals, keeping the heart rate in the 80-90% of max zone

3) peaking and competition. Easy days with friend-girls to stay loose, then go in hard but relaxed after 8's and 9's, negative-splitting the date optimally, allowing you to kick past the competition with ease.

Be sure to maintain good form and electrolyte balance throughout.

bmp

Hilarious - 7+ tempo. Love it.

Keep a good record of your training, competitions and results.

make sure you have the superficial stuff down (cool hair, clothes esp shirt, etc), and then play the numbers game. you should get some friends to help you network and play wing man. lots of people struggle with social life in college, but it really doesn't get easier afterwards. that said, do what you feel comfortable doing.

Just going to be honest, are you not the person who just created a thread about how you can't relate to anyone your age and you are really judgmental about everything people do, like eat before bed?

If that is the case then I'm about to be a little harsh. It might not be that you can't communicate with them, it could be that they don't want to communicate with you. Lighten up and smile more. Practice 1) not being judgmental and 2)talking to girls in a group with a relatively even gender distribution, that way eventually you'll have something to talk about one on one.

Yes I am that same person. Thanks for the reply.

I know this is an old post but I hope I can shed some light. I am a woman in her late 30s and I've fallen in love with a man that is love-shy (a term that I have learned based on researching this issue). I met the love-shy man by chance and have now known him for over 15 years.

I am love-shy too so I understand the struggle. However, because I'm a woman, men pursue me so I never had to develop the skills necessary to initiate a relationship with a man either. I just realized this week that this man is the only person in my life that is there for me and because of his unwavering support in every area of my life (he's never intrusive though) has lead me to fall in love with him just this week. I'm also in a better place in my life to now recognize true intentions and genuine love.

We're both attractive and the top of our careers so being love-shy can have nothing to do with looks, status or money. It's just a state of mind. I have happily been in long-term monogamous relationship with men whom are extremely unattractive with no money so I want to dispel that myth.

Here are the problems I have observed that has held back our relationship for 10 years that I believe is unnecessarily caused by his love-shyness (and mine):

1. I had no idea he was interested in me until last year when he finally told me. I had a feeling but I didn't want to assume.

2. When he finally made it known to me that he was interested, I went out with him on 6 dates but it fizzled out in spectacular fashion because he just didn't seem that into me despite talking constantly about our future. He didn't take the necessary steps to make that future come true by being more assertive.

3. We "hooked up" twice and I am very sexually conservative so it meant something to me. Even though I could tell he was ecstatic and happy to finally have a chance with me, he was just so painstakingly slow about progressing our relationship and I got sick of waiting around.

4. I was so into him after we hooked up thinking this was going to be my next significant other but he let it fizzle out without even knowing he was doing it.

This was such a turn-off because I didn't know he was love-shy. Even if I did, I wouldn't know how to deal with it. He said that he has trouble being assertive in the romance department but that means nothing to me as I'm used to being heavily pursued. I believe most women are used to being pursued and people wishing society will change is a waste of time.

You need to be flexible and navigate the world as it is. I believe in the notion that if a man likes you, he will make the relationship happen. This what my female friends believe as well. I was even mad at him thinking he wasn't into me because of his lukewarm signals. It was a frustrating experience for all.

Here's what he should have done:

1. Tell me he liked me and want a relationship with me instead of dancing around the topic. I felt like I was left in limbo.

2. Follow-up and plan the next date. Don't let days go by before getting in touch with the person you like about the next time. I hated waiting around for him, especially because I had many other suitors that grabbed my attention (even though I liked this love-shy man the most).

That's it! What's the worst that can come of it? Rejection. I think the root of the issues of love-shyness in both men and women is the fear of rejection. I get approached by all sorts of laughable guys and the ones that actually have a fighting chance are the ones that are persistent.

Persistence doesn't mean stalker or being constantly on her back. Persistence means check in once a day. A simple "how are you today?" and "when can I see you again? I've been thinking of you, I just wanted you to know that" would suffice.

This love-shy man did text me regularly but he kept texting very passive things like "I'm thinking about you" or "I miss you" with no plan of action.

My advice for any guys struggling in this area is to make a platonic female friend--a coworker would be a great place to start, go to church/temple events, or join a group if you're not religious meetup.com is great for wanting to meet platonic friends.

You'll then be able to form platonic friendships with women when they don't think you want something from them. Be friend with someone you have no interest in romantically so you can learn how to be around women. The platonic part is very important because many women will run for the hills if they sense a guy is interested in them romantically and they just want to be friends. Make them feel safe. This will make you feel less nervous around women.

Then when you find someone you are genuinely interested in, accept that they might reject you and it's okay. Rejection is okay. It sucks and doesn't feel good for men or women but you need to get over that fear. There are many men that I've dated that I've ultimately fallen in love with because they were persistent. I was able to fall in love with this love-shy man because he platonically stuck around for 15+ years. You don't need to waste 15+ years!

Have a plan-of-action with a woman. Emphasis on "action." Take action. Accept rejection. The worst that can happen is you end up alone, which you won't! But at least this way, you'll have a group of friends. Plus, your platonic female friends will want to help you find women or hook you up with their single friends. I love my male friends to death and would do anything for them. I have hooked several of them up with my friends and they are now together or married or have kids.

You can do it!